Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 23: Episode 3
Brendan Fraser’s Monologue
Don Pardo: Ladies and gentlemen.. Brendan Fraser![ Brendan Fraser swings onto Home Base from a vine, like George of the Jungle ]
Brendan Fraser: Thanks! Thank you! [ audience cheers wildly ] Hello, everyone! [ grunts like a gorilla ] Oh, it’s great to be here! Did you have a good summer? I had a good summer – goofing around in this movie, “George of the Jungle.” Thank you, thank you. You know, it’s funny – people come up to me now and say, “Hey, George!” Or.. “You’re that guy, George.” Or.. “Hey! It’s fifty bucks for a table dance – George! I mean, it’s great. But not that many people get to know the real Brendan Fraser, and that’s why I thought it would be nice for you to get to know the real me. Know the things that Brendan really likes.[ soft piano music pots up ]
I like, um.. the tender love of a good woman.
I like donating my time to charities.
I like milk.
I like slacks that come with a built-in belt.
I like taking long walks on the beach holding a shotgun that has my nickname scratched into it – “Real Cool Guy.”
I like watching “Breaking 2: Electric Boogaloo.” With the sound turned off.
I like standing outside “The Today Show” and licking the window.
I like that my internet name is “Frendan Braser”, and nobody knows that it’s me! [ laughs slyly ]
I like referring to couches as Davenports.
I like pretending blueberry Kool-Aid is Windex, and making believe I’ve been poisoned!
I like being the king of my world, especially that two-acre world I made out of oatmeal and popsicle sticks.
I like you. A lot. Really. Do you want to hang out some time? If you do, then just check the Yes box.[ Yes and No boxes appear on the screen ]
And, if oyu don’t, then check the No box. [ quickly ] I like the Yes box.
I like scrambled eggs made of love.
I like tonight’s musical guest – Bjork.[ audience applauds ]
And I like that we have a great show tonight!
But what I really like is saying, “Stick around, we’ll be right back!” So.. stick around, we’ll be right back!