SNL Transcripts: Chris Farley: 10/25/97: Martha Stewart Living


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 23: Episode 4

97d: Chris Farley / The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

Martha Stewart Living

Martha Stewart…..Ana Gasteyer

Announcer: Tomorrow, on “Martha Stewart Living”.

Martha Stewart: Goblins, ghouls, spooky ghosts. These are all things that remind us of Autumn’s most flamboyant holiday – All Hallow’s Eve. I’m Martha Stewart.

A lot of attention gets paid to Halloween candy. But tomorrow on “Living”, we’ll celebrate the time-honored pranks of the season, when we make Halloween’s tricks a treat.

Toilet paper has become a staple of the Halloween prankster’s toolkit. I’ll show you how to design, plan, and implement a TP job that is both visually stunning and full of.. mischievious good cheer.

[ frozen exterior shot of Martha’s TP job outlined as a ghost in a tree ]

This is what I did to my ex-husband’s house.

[ Martha walks over to a bowl of eggs and holds them momentarily ]

The egg has been the weapon of choice for Halloween revelers for hundreds of years. Chosen for its sticky texture and its lingering sulphurous smell, eggs are a great way to make a lasting impression. [picks up a small, blue egg ] A robin’s egg splatters in a prism of harvest colors [ smashes robin’s egg on the counter ] That felt really good. [ holds a gift-wrapped basket of brown eggs ] I kept these brown eggs in the back of my greenhouse all summer. By October 31st, they should give off a really good pungent smell. And make sure to throw your eggs in the middle of the night. That wet, cracking sound really scares the hell out of people.

And, of course, no Halloween would be complete without a flaming bag of poop. The aroma of burning manure mixed with shoe leather on a crisp New England evening is a childhood memory I really cherish. And, once you learn the technique, you’ll be able to do it year-round. I do it every day to my next-door neighbor.

So, join us tomorrow for a special Halloween “Living”. I spend 364 days a year suppressing the demons inside me. But on Hallow’s Eve, I invite them to dance. It’s a good thing.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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