Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 23: Episode 8
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:
December 6th, 1997
Nathan Lane
Metallica
Ernie Sabella
The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders
Marianne Faithfull
NBC News Special Report: Well Babies TragedySummary: An episode of “Jenny” is interrupted by an important — not to mention, cool — news report: Brian Williams is psyched to announced that the McCaughey Septuplets have all fallen down a well, and he’s ready to sit on this story all through the night.
Recurring Characters: Brian Williams, Gerald Rivera, President Bill Clinton.
Transcript
Montage
Nathan Lane’s MonologueSummary: Nathan Lane casually enters the stage in a bathrobe while reading the newspaper, free of worries and oblivious to his hosting duties for the night. Ana Gasteyer and Nathan’s “Lion King” co-star, Ernie Sabella, confront him. Nathan promptly bursts into a chorus of “Hakuna Matata”, and dances through the studio with everyone in tow.
Bio: Nathan Lane (1956-). Actor; Broadway credits include: “Guys and Dolls” (1992); film credits include: “The Birdcage” (1996), “Mouse Hunt” (1997), “The Producers” (2005).
Chess For GirlsSummary: Because Chess is traditionally a boring boys’ game, Mattel has femmed it up for the opposite sex with dolls, dresses, and bubbles.
Transcript
The SpartansSummary: Craig (Will Ferrell) and Arianna (Cheri Oteri) chat on the phone before bedtime to make their Christmas wishes. They both fall asleep and share the same dream, of being real Spartan Cheerleaders and dancing with the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.
Recurring Characters: Craig, Arianna.
The Quiet StormSummary: While playing his groove music, Chris “Champagne” Garnett (Tim Meadows) is visited by easy listening morning host Larry Unhower (Nathan Lane), and the two begin an on-air turf war of competing hits.
Recurring Characters: Chris “Champagne” Garnett.
Transcript
Sister Wendy Beckett’s Art OdysseySummary: During a visit to a New York art museum, naughty Sister Wendy (Nathan Lane) tries to hide her love for erotic artwork.
Marianne Faithfull performs “The Ballad of Lucy Jordan”Note: Shown briefly on the air before the show cuts to a commercial break. The song wraps up as the show returns from the commercial break.
First Performed: 79j.
Lyrics
History of VaudevilleSummary: The vaudeville act of Weber (Nathan Lane) & Rose (Chris Kattan) was one of the earliest to perform ethnic stereotyping.
Weekend Update with Norm MacDonaldSummary: Norm MacDonald adopts the persona of Bud Abbott when he interviews Officer Lou Costello (Nathan Lane), who is frightened by a mummified corpse he discovered on a recent murder investigation.
Transcript
Metallica performs “Fuel”Bio: Heavy metal band; members: Kirk Hammett, James Hetfield, Jason Newsted, Lars Ulrich.
Lyrics
Songs That Ruined EverythingSummary: Styx frontrunner Dennis DeYoung (Will Ferrell) promotes the songs that signaled artistic doom for various rock performers.
Recurring Characters: Dennis DeYoung.
Transcript
The Lost Deep ThoughtsSummary: On the hypnotic effect of looking back between an old man and his younger photograph.
Transcript
Miss MiloSummary: Broadway veteran Miss Milo (Nathan Lane) acts eccentric in front of her new dresser, theater major Vance Harris (Will Ferrell), as he gets her ready for her performance as Mrs. Christmas Tree.
Metallica, featuring Marianne Faithfull, performs “The Memory Remains”Lyrics
Ex-Con GeneSummary: Gene the ex-con (Colin Quinn) takes work as a cranky, kid-scaring Santa Claus.
Recurring Characters: Gene.
Transcript
The Lost Deep ThoughtsSummary: On a little boy’s desire to be an acrobat when he grows up.
Transcript
GoodnightsTranscript
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