Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 23: Episode 9
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:
December 13th, 1997
Helen Hunt
Hanson
None
Jack Nicholson
Todd Hundley
Scott Rolen
Mark Wohlers
Marty Cordova
Jeff Fassero
Gregg Jefferies
Mark Grudzielanek
Rondell White
Todd Zeile
Russ Davis
Cliff Floyd
David Howard
Mike Sweeney
Gerald Williams
Christmas Caroling with The CulpsSummary: Marty (Will Ferrell) and Bobbie Mohan-Culp (Ana Gasteyer) go Christmas caroling with Senor Franklin (Tim Meadows) and Connie Davenport (Helen Hunt).
Recurring Characters: Marty Culp, Bobbie Mohan-Culp, Senor Franklin.
Transcript
Montage
Helen Hunt’s MonologueSummary: The cast inundates Helen Hunt with their poor Jack Nicholson impressions, until Nicholson himself appears to tell them “the truth” about their impressions.
First Hosted: 93p.
Transcript
Cookie Dough SportSummary: Cookie dough right when you need it most.
Note: Repeat from 97b.
Delicious DishSummary: Margaret Jo McCullen (Ana Gasteyer) and Teri Rialto (Molly Shannon) mistakenly think themselves drunk while drinking egg nog, then welcome gingerbread expert Gertrude Mintz (Helen Hunt) to the show.
Recurring Characters: Margaret Jo McCullen, Teri Rialto.
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TV FunhouseSummary: In Rob Smigel’s “Fun With Real Audio”, Jesus struggles to find a modern-day example of good will during Christmas.
The Ladies ManSummary: Ladies Man Leon Phelps (Tim Meadows) prepares to enjoy the holidays with Charlene (Helen Hunt).
Recurring Characters: Leon Phelps.
Transcript
Baseball DreamsSummary: Debauchorous baseball players Todd Hundley, Scott Rolen, Mark Wohlers, Marty Cordova, Jeff Fassero, Gregg Jefferies, Mark Grudzielanek, Rondell White, Todd Zeile, Russ Davis, Cliff Floyd, David Howard, Mike Sweeney, and Gerald Williams pop out of a young boy’s (Chris Kattan) bedroom closet to inspire him to pursue his dream of becoming a ballplayer.
Recurring Characters: Ted Brogan.
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Hanson performs “MMMBop”Bio: Oklahoma pop-rock band; members: Clarke Isaac Hanson, Jordan Taylor Hanson, Zachary Walker Hanson.
Weekend Update with Norm MacDonaldSummary: Drunken Colin Quinn gets sidetracked and angered by Norm MacDonald during his commentary on the International Monetary Fund.
Note: This is Norm MacDonald’s final appearance as a Weekend Update anchor.
Transcript
The Roxbury GuysSummary: Roxbury Guys, Steve (Will Ferrell) and Doug Butabi (Chris Kattan) visit a counselor (Helen Hunt) after striking out at their favorite nightclub.
Recurring Characters: Steve Butabi, Doug Butabi.
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Joan Rivers’ 1997 Fashion Wrap-UpSummary: Skeletal Joan Rivers, Melissa Rivers (Cheri Oteri), Issac Mizrahi (Darrell Hammond) and Jodie Foster (Helen Hunt) rate the year’s worst celebrity fashions.
Recurring Characters: Melissa Rivers, Issac Mizrahi, Jodie Foster.
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A Burt Reynolds ChristmasSummary: Burt Reynolds’ (Norm MacDonald) Christmas special features Jerry Reed (Will Ferrell) and lots of loose hijinks.
Recurring Characters: Burt Reynolds, Jerry Reed.
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A Message From Bill GatesSummary: Lonely computer mogul Bill Gates (Chris Kattan) announces the recent merger between Microsoft and Christmas.
Recurring Characters: Bill Gates, Bill Clinton.
Torturing HansonSummary: Seeking revenge on the Hanson Brothers, a pair of torturers (Helen Hunt, Will Ferrell) trap them in an elevator and force them to listen to their own music.
Transcript
Hanson performs “Merry Christmas, Baby”
GoodnightsNote: Helen Hunt and the cast and crew wave good night from the Rockefeller Center skating rink.
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