Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 23: Episode 9
A Burt Reynolds Christmas
Burt Reynolds…..Norm Macdonald
Jerry Reed…..Will Ferrell
Michael Jeter…..Chris Kattan
Announcer: This holiday season gather the family and spend some time with one of America’s most beloved performers. Friday its “A Burt Reynolds Christmas”.
Caption: A Burt Reynolds Christmas
[Burt stands there in his black leather jacket and red shirt]Kid: Merry Christmas, uncle Burt.
Burt Reynolds: Yep. Who the hell is this kid?
[Cut to an arguing Michael Jeter]Announcer: With his special guest, “Evening Shade” co-star, Michael Jeter and Jerry Reed.
[Jerry Reed in a trucker’s look plays the guitar] [Michael and Jerry play cards with Burt]Burt Reynolds: I’ll see you ten and I’ll bump you ten. Up to you.
Michael Jeter: I can’t see my cards.
Burt Reynolds: Oh, yeah. I put something in your eggnog earlier. Ha, ha.
[Michael falls down on his face] [Burt and Jerry laugh]Jerry Reed: You son of a gun!
[Cut to Jerry getting something out of a red stocking, Burt is next to him.]Jerry Reed: Well, Burt. It looks like Santa done left us a whole stocking full of jokes. [pulls out paper] How many elves—
Burt Reynolds: Oh, wait a minute, I know this one. Is this the one where the elf pulls his johnson out in the whorehouse?
Jerry Reed: Well Burt, you’re not gonna find a joke of that nature in here.
Burt Reynolds: Sure. I put a whole bunch of them in there earlier.
[cut to Burt giving a gift all wrapped pretty to a little girl]Burt Reynolds: Here you go.
Girl: Thanks, Santa.
Burt Reynolds: Yeah, you bet. There’s nothing in it. Its a prop. Ha, ha.
[cut to Burt and Jerry again. Burt takes out a joke out of the red stocking]Burt Reynolds: Ha, ha. This one’s funny. Read it for the folks.
Jerry Reed: [reads and he’s embarrassed] Oh, God. Burt…
Burt Reynolds: C’mon, its funny.
Jerry Reed: I can’t read this. It’s about my old wife.
Burt Reynolds: Ha, ha. Merry Christmas to you.
Announcer: A Burt Reynolds Christmas. Friday on NBC.
[cheers and applause] [fade]Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel