SNL Transcripts: Helen Hunt: 12/13/97: A Burt Reynolds Christmas


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 23: Episode 9

97i: Helen Hunt / Hanson

A Burt Reynolds Christmas

Burt Reynolds…..Norm Macdonald
Jerry Reed…..Will Ferrell
Michael Jeter…..Chris Kattan

[Opens with a family around a Christmas tree]

Announcer: This holiday season gather the family and spend some time with one of America’s most beloved performers. Friday its “A Burt Reynolds Christmas”.

Caption: A Burt Reynolds Christmas

[Burt stands there in his black leather jacket and red shirt]

Kid: Merry Christmas, uncle Burt.

Burt Reynolds: Yep. Who the hell is this kid?

[Cut to an arguing Michael Jeter]

Announcer: With his special guest, “Evening Shade” co-star, Michael Jeter and Jerry Reed.

[Jerry Reed in a trucker’s look plays the guitar] [Michael and Jerry play cards with Burt]

Burt Reynolds: I’ll see you ten and I’ll bump you ten. Up to you.

Michael Jeter: I can’t see my cards.

Burt Reynolds: Oh, yeah. I put something in your eggnog earlier. Ha, ha.

[Michael falls down on his face] [Burt and Jerry laugh]

Jerry Reed: You son of a gun!

[Cut to Jerry getting something out of a red stocking, Burt is next to him.]

Jerry Reed: Well, Burt. It looks like Santa done left us a whole stocking full of jokes. [pulls out paper] How many elves—

Burt Reynolds: Oh, wait a minute, I know this one. Is this the one where the elf pulls his johnson out in the whorehouse?

Jerry Reed: Well Burt, you’re not gonna find a joke of that nature in here.

Burt Reynolds: Sure. I put a whole bunch of them in there earlier.

[cut to Burt giving a gift all wrapped pretty to a little girl]

Burt Reynolds: Here you go.

Girl: Thanks, Santa.

Burt Reynolds: Yeah, you bet. There’s nothing in it. Its a prop. Ha, ha.

[cut to Burt and Jerry again. Burt takes out a joke out of the red stocking]

Burt Reynolds: Ha, ha. This one’s funny. Read it for the folks.

Jerry Reed: [reads and he’s embarrassed] Oh, God. Burt…

Burt Reynolds: C’mon, its funny.

Jerry Reed: I can’t read this. It’s about my old wife.

Burt Reynolds: Ha, ha. Merry Christmas to you.

Announcer: A Burt Reynolds Christmas. Friday on NBC.

[cheers and applause] [fade]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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