SNL Transcripts: Helen Hunt: 12/13/97: A Burt Reynolds Christmas

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 23: Episode 9

97i: Helen Hunt / Hanson

A Burt Reynolds Christmas

Burt Reynolds…..Norm Macdonald
Jerry Reed…..Will Ferrell
Michael Jeter…..Chris Kattan

[Opens with a family around a Christmas tree]

Announcer: This holiday season gather the family and spend some time with one of America’s most beloved performers. Friday its “A Burt Reynolds Christmas”.

Caption: A Burt Reynolds Christmas

[Burt stands there in his black leather jacket and red shirt]

Kid: Merry Christmas, uncle Burt.

Burt Reynolds: Yep. Who the hell is this kid?

[Cut to an arguing Michael Jeter]

Announcer: With his special guest, “Evening Shade” co-star, Michael Jeter and Jerry Reed.

[Jerry Reed in a trucker’s look plays the guitar] [Michael and Jerry play cards with Burt]

Burt Reynolds: I’ll see you ten and I’ll bump you ten. Up to you.

Michael Jeter: I can’t see my cards.

Burt Reynolds: Oh, yeah. I put something in your eggnog earlier. Ha, ha.

[Michael falls down on his face] [Burt and Jerry laugh]

Jerry Reed: You son of a gun!

[Cut to Jerry getting something out of a red stocking, Burt is next to him.]

Jerry Reed: Well, Burt. It looks like Santa done left us a whole stocking full of jokes. [pulls out paper] How many elves—

Burt Reynolds: Oh, wait a minute, I know this one. Is this the one where the elf pulls his johnson out in the whorehouse?

Jerry Reed: Well Burt, you’re not gonna find a joke of that nature in here.

Burt Reynolds: Sure. I put a whole bunch of them in there earlier.

[cut to Burt giving a gift all wrapped pretty to a little girl]

Burt Reynolds: Here you go.

Girl: Thanks, Santa.

Burt Reynolds: Yeah, you bet. There’s nothing in it. Its a prop. Ha, ha.

[cut to Burt and Jerry again. Burt takes out a joke out of the red stocking]

Burt Reynolds: Ha, ha. This one’s funny. Read it for the folks.

Jerry Reed: [reads and he’s embarrassed] Oh, God. Burt…

Burt Reynolds: C’mon, its funny.

Jerry Reed: I can’t read this. It’s about my old wife.

Burt Reynolds: Ha, ha. Merry Christmas to you.

Announcer: A Burt Reynolds Christmas. Friday on NBC.

[cheers and applause] [fade]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

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