Joan Rivers’ 1997 Fashion Wrap-Up

Joan Rivers’ 1997 Fashion Wrap-Up

Melissa Rivers…..Cheri Oteri
Isaac Mizrahi…..Darrell Hammond
Jodie Foster…..Helen Hunt

It’s Joan Rivers’ 1997 Fashion Wrap-Up, with a skeletal Joan Riversand special guests Melissa Rivers, Isaac Mizrahi and Jodie Foster:

Melissa Rivers: 1997 is drawing to a close. Speaking of clothes, Mom, we’re going to take a look at what famous people wore this year, and whether we thought it was the good, the bad..

Joan Rivers: ..or the Cybil Shepherd! Ow! What a pig! Who’s first?

Melissa Rivers: Mom, first we have Kirstie Alley.

[ graphic of Kirstie Alley in a purple dress ]

Joan Rivers: Disgusting! She’s disgusting! Isaac?

Isaac Mizrahi: Oh, my God! It looks like Mae West meets Grimace. Take it away, take it away!

Joan Rivers: Jodie?

Jodie Foster: I don’t feel that I am in a position to judge someone else.

Joan Rivers: Everyone is in a position to judge someone else! Next!

Melissa Rivers: Okay, Mom, next up is “Melrose Place” star Lisa Rinna.. [ graphic of Lisa Rinna ] ..shown here in a half-slip gown.

Joan Rivers: Whore! She should be shot in the face!

Jodie Foster: [ appalled ] What kind of statement is that? It’s just a dress.

Joan Rivers: Isaac?

Isaac Mizrahi: She should be shot in the face, yes!
Joan Rivers: Next!

Melissa Rivers: Okay, Mom. Next, we have Janene Garofalo.. [ graphic of Janene Garofalo ] ..shown here in a pair of ski boots and a Hefty bag.

Joan Rivers: Agghh! Ow! Look at those shoes! I’d like to set her on fire and burn her until she was dead!

Jodie Foster: [ disgusted ] That’s completely inappropriate.

Isaac Mizrahi: Oh! She should be mauled by bears!

Jodie Foster: I don’t understand your reaction. I find her to be articulate and very well-informed.

Melissa Rivers: [ angry ] I want to be in a movie.

Joan Rivers: Melissa wanted to be in “The Truth About Cats & Dogs”. I got her an audition, but she didn’t get the movie.

Melissa Rivers: [ angry ] I wanted to be in “The Truth About Cats & Dogs”, Mom!

Jodie Foster: Well, that’s no reason to hate Janene Garofalo.

Isaac Mizrahi: She should be shot in the face.

Joan Rivers: [ frantic ] I ruined my life. Why did I piss off Johnny Carson? Why? Whyyyyyyyy?!!

Melissa Rivers: Well, that’s our year-end wrap-up, Mom. Thank you to all our guests. We’ll be back in January with out new show: “Who’s the Fattest Pig?”

Joan Rivers: This is Joan Rivers saying, “You can never be too fat – or too thin!” [ her skull pops off ] [ Melissa retrieves Joan’s skull and tries to replace it as the scene fades to black ]

SNL Transcripts

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