Joan Rivers’ 1997 Fashion Wrap-Up
Melissa Rivers…..Cheri Oteri
Isaac Mizrahi…..Darrell Hammond
Jodie Foster…..Helen Hunt
It’s Joan Rivers’ 1997 Fashion Wrap-Up, with a skeletal Joan Riversand special guests Melissa Rivers, Isaac Mizrahi and Jodie Foster:
Melissa Rivers: 1997 is drawing to a close. Speaking of clothes, Mom, we’re going to take a look at what famous people wore this year, and whether we thought it was the good, the bad..
Joan Rivers: ..or the Cybil Shepherd! Ow! What a pig! Who’s first?
Melissa Rivers: Mom, first we have Kirstie Alley.
[ graphic of Kirstie Alley in a purple dress ]
Joan Rivers: Disgusting! She’s disgusting! Isaac?
Isaac Mizrahi: Oh, my God! It looks like Mae West meets Grimace. Take it away, take it away!
Joan Rivers: Jodie?
Jodie Foster: I don’t feel that I am in a position to judge someone else.
Joan Rivers: Everyone is in a position to judge someone else! Next!
Melissa Rivers: Okay, Mom, next up is “Melrose Place” star Lisa Rinna.. [ graphic of Lisa Rinna ] ..shown here in a half-slip gown.
Joan Rivers: Whore! She should be shot in the face!
Jodie Foster: [ appalled ] What kind of statement is that? It’s just a dress.
Joan Rivers: Isaac?
Isaac Mizrahi: She should be shot in the face, yes!
Joan Rivers: Next!
Melissa Rivers: Okay, Mom. Next, we have Janene Garofalo.. [ graphic of Janene Garofalo ] ..shown here in a pair of ski boots and a Hefty bag.
Joan Rivers: Agghh! Ow! Look at those shoes! I’d like to set her on fire and burn her until she was dead!
Jodie Foster: [ disgusted ] That’s completely inappropriate.
Isaac Mizrahi: Oh! She should be mauled by bears!
Jodie Foster: I don’t understand your reaction. I find her to be articulate and very well-informed.
Melissa Rivers: [ angry ] I want to be in a movie.
Joan Rivers: Melissa wanted to be in “The Truth About Cats & Dogs”. I got her an audition, but she didn’t get the movie.
Melissa Rivers: [ angry ] I wanted to be in “The Truth About Cats & Dogs”, Mom!
Jodie Foster: Well, that’s no reason to hate Janene Garofalo.
Isaac Mizrahi: She should be shot in the face.
Joan Rivers: [ frantic ] I ruined my life. Why did I piss off Johnny Carson? Why? Whyyyyyyyy?!!
Melissa Rivers: Well, that’s our year-end wrap-up, Mom. Thank you to all our guests. We’ll be back in January with out new show: “Who’s the Fattest Pig?”
Joan Rivers: This is Joan Rivers saying, “You can never be too fat – or too thin!” [ her skull pops off ]
[ Melissa retrieves Joan’s skull and tries to replace it as the scene fades to black ]