March 14th, 1998
A Message From the President of the United StatesSummary: As President Bill clinton (Darrell Hammond) comments on the Starr Report, Kenneth Starr (Will Ferrell) interrupts the sketch to issue a subpoena to Darrell Hammond.
Recurring Characters: President Bill Clinton, Kenneth Starr.
Julianne Moore’s MonologueSummary: Gloria Stewart (Cheri Oteri) re-enacts the “Titanic” finale so she can one-up her fellow Oscar nominee, Julianne Moore.
Delicious DishSummary: Sorghum expert Audrey Kay (Julianne Moore) reveals that her farm compound is a front for an evil cult.
Recurring Characters: Margaret Jo McCullen, Teri Rialto.
The Ladies ManRecurring Characters: Leon Phelps.
Note: As Don Pardo announcement next week’s rebroadcast, Kenneth Starr (Will Ferrell) can be heard entering the booth and issuing Pardo a subpoena.
Barbara Walters Oscar SpecialSummary: New student Marissa (Ana Gasteyer) is offended by the sarcastic comments of the teacher (Matthew Perry) and her classmates.
Recurring Characters: Barbara Walters, Burt Reynolds.
Weekend Update with Colin QuinnNote: Colin Quinn performs Weekend Update alone, with no guest commentators.
Backstreet Boys performs “As Long As You Love Me”
Pretty LivingRecurring Characters: Gayle Gleason, Helen Madden.
HeinekenSummary: Kenneth Starr (Will Ferrell) interrupts a Heineken commercial to issue subpoenas to the beer drinkers within.
Terence MaddoxRecurring Characters: Terrence Maddox.
TV FunhouseConspiracy Theory Rock!
Note: This cartoon was edited out of all reruns of the episode. Conspiracy?
Good Morning With Liza!Recurring Characters: Liza Manelli, Captain Montclaire Vanderhausen III.
Shirtless Bible SalesmenSummary: Shirtless salesmen (Will Ferrell, Tim Meadows) have no luck selling a unit to a housewife (Julianne Moore).