Gail Glesson…..Ana Gasteyer
Andrea Powers…..Julianne Moore
Helen Madden…..Molly Shannon
Gail Gleeson: Oh, boy! Hi! Hi, and welcome to “Pretty Living”. I’m Gail Gleeson!
Andrea Powers: And I’m Andrea Powers! We’ve got a fantastic show for you today!
Gail Gleeson: Oh, do we ever! We have fun, beauty and loads of fashion!
Andrea Powers: Speaking of fashion, you look great!
Gail Gleeson: Thank you! And you look great!
Andrea Powers: Thank you!
[ they laugh inanely ]
Gail Gleeson: Oh, boy!
Andrea Powers: Taking a compliment is really hard!
Gail Gleeson: Tell me about it!
Andrea Powers: Ever since I’ve been married, I can’t take a compliment. Not that my husband gives me any.
Gail Gleeson: [ the mood ruined ] Right. [ pause ] What do we have today?
Andrea Powers: Oh, se have such a fun show planned for you today!
Gail Gleeson: Oh, you said it! Dr. Moeny is gonna show us how to organize our tax receipts, and that is gonna be fantastic!
Andrea Powers: But right now, it’s time to meet our first guest, who happens to be an absolute delight.
Gail Gleeson: She sure is. In fact, she’s a licensed joyologist.
Andrea Powers: That’s right. She’s one of our favorite guests.
Gail Gleeson: And she has just released her new book, called “Dressing For Joy”.
Andrea Powers: Please help us welcome Helen Madden!
Gail Gleeson: Helen Madden!
[ Helen comes running and bouncing onto the set, kissing Gail and Andrea before sitting down ]
Helen Madden: Pretty Lady 1, Pretty Lady 2!
Gail Gleeson: Helen, you are having one heck of a year! How are you enjoying all of your success?
Helen Madden: [ raises her legs high in the air ] Oh, I love it! Iloveit, Iloveit, Iloveit, Iloveit!! I love it! I love it, I love ti, I love it!
Gail Gleeson: You really enjoy what you do!
Helen Madden: I love it!
Gail Gleeson: [ laughing ] Terrific! Terrific!
Helen Madden: I have to tell you – uh, as you know, I’m a joyologist. And it takes a lot of time and energy to stay joy-focused, and to teach others how to stay joy-focused. And I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but I happen to be really, really, really, really, really good at it! I’m good at it! I’m really good at it!
Gail Gleeson: Oh, boy!
Andrea Powers: You know, it must feel really great to be good at something. [ fuming ] I wish I was really good at something.
[ the moment passes ]
Gail Gleeson: Now, Helen, how exactly did you move from joyologist to fashion expert?
Helen Madden: Excellent question, to the lady in the blue.
Gail Gleeson: Thank you!
Helen Madden: Uh.. I do a lot of public speaking. And at one recent speaking engagement, this young gal came up to me after my speech, and she said to me, “Helen Madden, I love all the things you had to say.” And she put her little hands on her hip, and she said, “But let me ask you this – how in the heck did you put together that cute outfit?”
Gail Gleeson: Ohhhh.. neat.. neat.
Andrea Powers: Helen, in your book you talk about fashion as a reflection of the inner self. Now, what does mean in terms of your wardrobe?
Helen Madden: A little Helen Madden secret – I love belts. [ twists herself around her chair ] I love ’em! I love ’em, I love ’em, I love ’em, I lvoe ’em! I’m a belt lady. I love belts, number one; vests, number two.
Gail Gleeson: Oohhh.. vests. Vests. Okay. Hey, I’ve got a great question. How does fashion affect your relationships?
Helen Madden: I recently started dating a gentleman who I’m very fond of.. uh.. Helen is a little bit on love! If you will! Okay! This gentlemen loves.. hats. He loves hats. So when I go out with him, I like to wear a classy hat, or a cap, or a little show biz chapeau, if you will
Gail Gleeson: How neat!
Helen Madden: Or a cowboy hat, a big cowboy hat. I like to make my man smile. I love it! I love it, I love it, I love it!
Andrea Powers: So get yourself a hat, ladies.
Gail Gleeson: Apparently, men love hats! [ giggles with delight ]
Andrea Powers: [ sullen ] Helen, I don’t like myself very much, so often I go out without a winter coat so people can see my pretty dress.
Gail Gleeson: [ annoyed ] Okay, that’s enough. [ changes subject ] Okay, evening wear?
Andrea Powers: Right, right. How do you go from daytime to nighttime? Do you change earrings, or shoes..?
Helen Madden: Well, I have to tell you, I’m not a 9-to-5 kind of lady, as you can probably see for yourself. And what I do is, me and Tres, my man, like to go out African rhythm dancing sometimes at night, get a little crazy. And what I like to do when I do that, is I wear a leopard unitard with a coat dress, or a sweatercoat with a hood and a belt. Okay? Because I like to let my body move the way it was meant to move, you know? I really like to get up and be womanly. I like to shake, to shake, to shake!
Gail Gleeson: Oh, neat!
[ Helen demonstrates her dance moves, as Gail and Andrea join in ]
Gail Gleeson: Stay tuned, we’ll be right back with Dr. Money!
[ fade out ]
[ dissolve to the SNL Band, Lenny Pickett leading the band on saxophone ]
[ suddenly, Kenneth Starr enters, taps Lenny’s shoulder and cuts the band off ]
Kenneth Starr: I’m Kenneth Starr, I’m the Independent Counsel, and I’m serving you with this subpeona.
Lenny Pickett: [ flustered ] Uh.. can I finish this song first?
Kenneth Starr: No. Guys? [ motions for some federal agents to haul Lenny away ] Everyone, just carry on.
[ fade out ]