Pretty Living


Pretty Living

Gail Glesson…..Ana Gasteyer
Andrea Powers…..Julianne Moore
Helen Madden…..Molly Shannon

Gail Gleeson: Oh, boy! Hi! Hi, and welcome to “Pretty Living”. I’m Gail Gleeson!

Andrea Powers: And I’m Andrea Powers! We’ve got a fantastic show for you today!

Gail Gleeson: Oh, do we ever! We have fun, beauty and loads of fashion!

Andrea Powers: Speaking of fashion, you look great!

Gail Gleeson: Thank you! And you look great!

Andrea Powers: Thank you!

[ they laugh inanely ]

Gail Gleeson: Oh, boy!

Andrea Powers: Taking a compliment is really hard!

Gail Gleeson: Tell me about it!

Andrea Powers: Ever since I’ve been married, I can’t take a compliment. Not that my husband gives me any.

Gail Gleeson: [ the mood ruined ] Right. [ pause ] What do we have today?

Andrea Powers: Oh, se have such a fun show planned for you today!

Gail Gleeson: Oh, you said it! Dr. Moeny is gonna show us how to organize our tax receipts, and that is gonna be fantastic!

Andrea Powers: But right now, it’s time to meet our first guest, who happens to be an absolute delight.

Gail Gleeson: She sure is. In fact, she’s a licensed joyologist.

Andrea Powers: That’s right. She’s one of our favorite guests.

Gail Gleeson: And she has just released her new book, called “Dressing For Joy”.

Andrea Powers: Please help us welcome Helen Madden!

Gail Gleeson: Helen Madden!

[ Helen comes running and bouncing onto the set, kissing Gail and Andrea before sitting down ]

Helen Madden: Pretty Lady 1, Pretty Lady 2!

Gail Gleeson: Helen, you are having one heck of a year! How are you enjoying all of your success?

Helen Madden: [ raises her legs high in the air ] Oh, I love it! Iloveit, Iloveit, Iloveit, Iloveit!! I love it! I love it, I love ti, I love it!

Gail Gleeson: You really enjoy what you do!

Helen Madden: I love it!

Gail Gleeson: [ laughing ] Terrific! Terrific!

Helen Madden: I have to tell you – uh, as you know, I’m a joyologist. And it takes a lot of time and energy to stay joy-focused, and to teach others how to stay joy-focused. And I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but I happen to be really, really, really, really, really good at it! I’m good at it! I’m really good at it!

Gail Gleeson: Oh, boy!

Andrea Powers: You know, it must feel really great to be good at something. [ fuming ] I wish I was really good at something.

[ the moment passes ]

Gail Gleeson: Now, Helen, how exactly did you move from joyologist to fashion expert?

Helen Madden: Excellent question, to the lady in the blue.

Gail Gleeson: Thank you!

Helen Madden: Uh.. I do a lot of public speaking. And at one recent speaking engagement, this young gal came up to me after my speech, and she said to me, “Helen Madden, I love all the things you had to say.” And she put her little hands on her hip, and she said, “But let me ask you this – how in the heck did you put together that cute outfit?”

Gail Gleeson: Ohhhh.. neat.. neat.

Andrea Powers: Helen, in your book you talk about fashion as a reflection of the inner self. Now, what does mean in terms of your wardrobe?

Helen Madden: A little Helen Madden secret – I love belts. [ twists herself around her chair ] I love ’em! I love ’em, I love ’em, I love ’em, I lvoe ’em! I’m a belt lady. I love belts, number one; vests, number two.

Gail Gleeson: Oohhh.. vests. Vests. Okay. Hey, I’ve got a great question. How does fashion affect your relationships?

Helen Madden: I recently started dating a gentleman who I’m very fond of.. uh.. Helen is a little bit on love! If you will! Okay! This gentlemen loves.. hats. He loves hats. So when I go out with him, I like to wear a classy hat, or a cap, or a little show biz chapeau, if you will

Gail Gleeson: How neat!

Helen Madden: Or a cowboy hat, a big cowboy hat. I like to make my man smile. I love it! I love it, I love it, I love it!

Andrea Powers: So get yourself a hat, ladies.

Gail Gleeson: Apparently, men love hats! [ giggles with delight ]

Andrea Powers: [ sullen ] Helen, I don’t like myself very much, so often I go out without a winter coat so people can see my pretty dress.

Gail Gleeson: [ annoyed ] Okay, that’s enough. [ changes subject ] Okay, evening wear?

Andrea Powers: Right, right. How do you go from daytime to nighttime? Do you change earrings, or shoes..?

Helen Madden: Well, I have to tell you, I’m not a 9-to-5 kind of lady, as you can probably see for yourself. And what I do is, me and Tres, my man, like to go out African rhythm dancing sometimes at night, get a little crazy. And what I like to do when I do that, is I wear a leopard unitard with a coat dress, or a sweatercoat with a hood and a belt. Okay? Because I like to let my body move the way it was meant to move, you know? I really like to get up and be womanly. I like to shake, to shake, to shake!

Gail Gleeson: Oh, neat!

[ Helen demonstrates her dance moves, as Gail and Andrea join in ]

Gail Gleeson: Stay tuned, we’ll be right back with Dr. Money!

[ fade out ] [ dissolve to the SNL Band, Lenny Pickett leading the band on saxophone ] [ suddenly, Kenneth Starr enters, taps Lenny’s shoulder and cuts the band off ]

Kenneth Starr: I’m Kenneth Starr, I’m the Independent Counsel, and I’m serving you with this subpeona.

Lenny Pickett: [ flustered ] Uh.. can I finish this song first?

Kenneth Starr: No. Guys? [ motions for some federal agents to haul Lenny away ] Everyone, just carry on.

[ fade out ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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