I Took a Gay Guy to Prom

I Took a Gay Guy to Prom

Office Woman…..Ana Gasteyer
Old Woman…..Molly Shannon
Convenience Store Woman…..Cheri Oteri

Announcer: The Lifetime original Documentary shows the ongoing series exploring women’s issues. Lifetime Television uncovers a secret that 20 million American women share, as we proudly present…I Took a Gay Guy to Prom.

[In office setting]

Office Woman: [Picture of woman and prom date] Well, his name was Jason Sands and we double dated at the junior prom with my friend Melissa and her boyfriend Eric. Afterwards we drove out to the beach, and we talked til dawn. The next day, Jason and Eric ran away to Virginia. I heard they got jobs as dancers at Busch Gardens.

[In store]

Convenience Store Woman: Oh, yeah. I went to my prom with a gay guy, but you know I didn’t know. [Picture of woman and prom date] His name was Carl. He lives in California now. I saw him in People magazine. Evidently he makes a good living judging celebrity bridal gowns.

Office Woman: Then, when I was a freshman at Skidmore, I did running crew for “Godspell,” and I started going out with Edmund. Then I caught him in a coat closet making out with the guy who played Jesus.

Announcer: You’ll see that young girls’ fascination with gay men is nothing new. It’s a timeless scenario dating back to when Proms were called “socials”, and gays were called “mentally ill.”

[In home setting]

Old Woman: The year was 1927. And I was scheduled to attend the Rhode Island Fruling Cotillion with a one Mr. Skip Swerengen. And I remember my mother called me aside, and said “dear, that boy of your has one hand on the maypole.” [Picture of woman and prom date] And I said “mother whatever do you mean?” And she said “that young man buzzes whit the fruit flies.” And I said ” what do you mean?” “He buggers men,” she said. I didn’t know what that meant, and finally said yelled “he has sex with men!” But it still wasn’t clear, “He’s gay! He’shomosexual! He doesn’t like women!” And I didn’t get it. And as it turned out, I had a very severe learning disability. But mother was right, that boy was homosexual. And that boy was Robert Mitchum.

Interviewer [v/o]: I thought you said his name was Skip Swerengen.

Old Woman: President Eisenhower, yes.

Office Woman: Eric Forester. He came about a month before we broke up.

Convenience Store Woman: I guess I should’ve know, you know? I mean he wore his jazz shoes to gym class, so —

Office Woman: And Michael West. He was a…huge homo – sexual. I never should have married him.

Announcer: What attracts teenage girls to young gay men?

Office Woman: He was a real good listener.

Convenience Store Woman: He was a good listener.

Old Woman: He always listened to everything I had to say. That’s what I always loved about Dwight D. Eisenhower.

Announcer: I Took a Gay Guy to Prom. This Sunday at 4. Coming up next on Lifetime – 3 episodes of thirtysomething followed by the Meredith Baxter-Birney-a-thon. Lifetime: television for women…and gay men.

Thanks to Chris Fuentes for this transcript!

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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