SNL Transcripts: Greg Kinnear: 04/11/98: Name That Dog



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 23: Episode 18


97r: Greg Kinnear / All Saints

Name That Dog

Jackson Nelson…..Greg Kinnear
Aaron Jonner…..Tim Meadows
Bill Mealy…..Chris Kattan
Model 1…..Ana Gasteyer
Model 2…..Molly Shannon
Model 3…..Cheri Oteri

Announcer: You’re watching the Game Show Network. Staytuned for Name That Dog.

Jingle: You gotta guess that dog’s name(woof,woof)You gotta play the game(woof,woof,woof,woof)You gotta try and try and try and try to name thatdog(woof, woof,woof,woof. Logo of the show appears onscreen which is a dog cartoon with a question mark onit’s chest)

Announcer: Name That Dog! And now it’s time for thegame show where you gotta guess that dog’s name. NameThat Dog!, with your host Jackson Nelson!

(Applause,host runs to his podium. The set is thefront door of a doghouse and the contestants podiumsare decorated with giant dog’s heads)

Jackson Nelson: Hello everybody! I’m Jackson Nelsonand this is Name That Dog! Let’s go ahead and meet ourcontestants, shall we? Bill Mealy is a jigsaw puzzlephotographer from Bay Mill, Rhode Island.

(Bill is very excited, runs to his dog-podium)

Bill: Ruff!Ruff! Good to be here!

Jackson Nelson: Aaron Jonner does repair andmaintenance on the intercom systems for the fast fooddrive thru menus.

(Aaron is super excited, gets to his dog-podium)

Aaron: I’M GONNA GUESS THAT DOG’S NAME!!

Jackson Nelson: Take it easy there, Aaron! You allknow how the game is played, we’re gonna show you adog and you have to correctly guess it’s given name.First round is worth $300 dollars a dog and the finalround is worth a $1,000 dollars. Are you ready?

Bill: YEAH!!

Aaron: I’M GONNA GUESS THAT DOG’S NAME!!

Jackson Nelson: All right then, let’s begin. Dognumber one is a mixed breed 4 year old from SanAntonio, Texas. (Model #1 brings out a dog on a leash)

(Beep)

Jackson Nelson: Bill?

Bill: Is it Champ?(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No. Aaron you can steal this question.

Aaron: I’ve got it! Champagne!!(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No, the dog’s name is Trooper. Trooperwas the dog. Next dog. And who can name it?

(Model #2 brings out next dog on a leash)

(Beep)

Jackson Nelson: Aaron.

Aaron: FRANKLIN!!(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No.(Beep)Bill?

Bill: General?(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No, it was Lobo! Lobo was the dog. Andthe next dog. Here we go. Who can name that dog?

(Model #3 comes out with big German Shepard)

(Beep)

Jackson Nelson: Aaron?

Aaron: Br- BOWSER!!(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No! Not Bowser.(Beep)Bill?

Bill: Montana?(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No, it’s name is Shep. Next oneplease.

(Model#1 comes out carrying a small white poodle onher hands)

(Beep)

Jackson Nelson: Bill?

Bill: Um, Princess?(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No. I’m afraid not.(Beep)Aaron?

Aaron: GINGER!!(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No! Dog’s name was Steve! Steve wasthe dog.

Bill: Ohh!

Jackson Nelson: And let’s go ahead with the nextdog–(siren wails)Oh, my Goodness!, is a double dogdare! Double dog dare! Double value on this guess.Name those dogs if you would.

(Model #2 comes out with 2 small dogs)

(Beep)

Jackson Nelson: Bill?

Bill: Pepe and Pierre.(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No, I’m afraid not.(Beep)Aaron?

Aaron: Fred and Barney!(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No, it was Lawrence and Cynthia. Toughbreak, tough break. Next dog, please.

(Model #3 brings out a Lassie look-alike dog)

Jackson Nelson: Who can name that dog?(Beep)Bill?

Bill: Lassie?(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No.(Beep)Aaron!

Aaron: LADY!(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: Wait! Judges can we acceptLady?(Buzzer)I’m sorry we cannot accept Lady. Thecorrect answer is Gummo! Gummo was what we werelooking for. Very close, though, very close. And let’sgo on to the next dog–(Trumpets blare)Well, that’sthe sound of the blaring trumpets and that means itstime for the Wall of Dogs.(Wall of Dogs appears onscreen. The 3 models all appear with 10 dogssurrounding them, all of the dogs are on theirleashes)Bill, why don’t you start?

Bill: Ruff!, ruff!

Jackson Nelson: And if you would. Begin.

(Camera pans across showing all of the 10 dogs)

Bill: OK, let’s see, Freddy, Remington, God!, thatlooks like a Thumper, uh, Iris, uh, Pogo, let’s saythe one not facing me Budweiser, uh,uh, Gump, Katie,Melon over there and that’s Ned the one upthere(Beep,beep. Time’s up)That’s Ned.

Jackson Nelson: Good work and your score is–(numbersflash on the screen, stops)0! Zero out of ten! Aaronlet’s see if you can beat that score.

Aaron: I’M GONNA DO IT!!

Jackson Nelson: All right. Why don’t you go ahead andbegin.

(Camera pans across again showing the same 10 dogs)

Aaron: OK, all right, Jax, Indiana walked in there.That’s Ringo, uh,let’s see OK, that’s Ernie, OK,that’s a hard one! I’ll pass, I’ll pass, pass. That’sRibsy with the back to the camera and then there’sBrandy, William and that is FRESCA!(Beep, beep. Time’sup)

Jackson Nelson: Well played, Aaron! We’re gonna goahead and tally up your score. Remember since youpassed on one, you can only receive 9 out of 10. Andlet’s take a look.(Numbers flash again, stop)O! Zeroout of ten! And the correct answer unfortunatelywas(camera pans across showing the 10 dogs)Boots,Marshall, Navy, Peanut, Dojo, Max, Douglas, Shilo,Pixie and Ruggles.

Aaron: Ruggles, Ruggles, Ruggles.

Jackson Nelson: And we have a tie! You bothwin!Congratulations!(Aaron and Bill hug and high fiveeach other)And your total winnings are $0dollars.$0.($0.00 flash on screen)I wanna thank youboth for joining us and playing this week. Next weekjoin us where we ask you the question again, Name ThatDog!

(Show’s logo appears on screen)

Aaron: I’M GONNA NAME THAT DOG NEXT WEEK!!!

(Cheers and applause)

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

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