David Duchovny’s Monologue


David Duchovny’s Monologue

…..David Duchovny

David Duchovny: [ enters, carrying guitar ] Thank you very much! It’s great to be here doing “Saturday Night Live”. You know, this is my first time in New York, and I’m really having a good time.

Actually, that was a lie. It’s not my first time in New York. I actually grew up here. I have no idea why I said that. I guess I’m pretty nervous. Well, that’s why I have this guitar here with me. [ sits on stool ] This is sort of a security blanket for me. Yeah, I know it might just look like just a cheap old six string to you, but this thing has been a big part of my life. You see, I was a very, very shy kid. I mean, like, literally, like from the age of 8 to 15, music was the way I communicated with people. I mean, this little baby here was my voice. In 1969, my father bought me this guitar at a flea market. He used to take me for guitar lessons every Saturday afternoon. And i’ll never forget the look on my Dad’s face the first time I played a song. He was so proud of me. Whenever I pick up this guitar, it’s like my father is right here with me. Tonight, if you don’t mind, I’d like to play a song for my father.

[ applause ]

Thank you. Although, I feel kind of foolsih even having this out here, considering that Jimmy Page, one of the greatest guitar legends of all time is here. But, if you’ll indulge me.. any of you guys Zeppelin fans? That’s Led Zeppelin. Well, maybe you can guess the name of this little Zeppelin tune. It’s one of my Dad’s favorites, actually.

[ plays “Over The Hills And Far Away” a little too well. After a few bars, he accidentally drops the pick into the body of the guitar. ]

Oh, damn.. Idropped the pick. I mean, it’s embarrassing. That’s live TV, that’s kind of fun. [ begins shaking guitar ] Som you just kind of get the pick out and start the song again. You know.. leave it to my Dad to buy me a cheap guitar like this.. with, like, the biggest belly in the world. I mean, he couldn’t spend more than $4.95 to get a damn guitar for me! If I knew where he lived right now, I would punch – [ still shaking guitar ] – you know something? This is a littlefrustrating now.. You know, I hate my father!

[ breaks guitar violently over stool, then finds the pick among the broken pieces of the guitar ]

Hey, here it is! Now I guess I can play that little tune.

[ plays “Over The Hills And Far Away” air guitar ]

We’ve got a great show for you tonight. Puff Daddy is here, and Jimmy Page! So stick around, we’ll be right back!

[ continues to play air guitar ]

Thanks to CarriK the Transcriber of The David Duchovny Archives for this transcript.CarriKendl@aol.com

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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