SNL Transcripts: Cameron Diaz: 09/26/98



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 24: Episode 1


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


September 26th, 1998

Cameron Diaz

Smashing Pumpkins

None

Hugh Fink

Dan Aykroyd

Steve Martin
Oprah 2002Summary: In the year 2002, Oprah Winfrey (Tim Meadows) the key players in the 1998 Bill Clinton (Darrell Hammond) and Monica Lewinsky (Molly Shannon) sex scandal.

Recurring Characters: Oprah Winfrey, Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, Linda Tripp.

Transcript

MontageNote: After a year’s absence, featured performers are included in the cast, though newcomers Jimmy Fallon, Chris Parnell and Horatio Sanz are not credited in this episode.

Cameron Diaz’s MonologueSummary: Cameron Diaz confronts an innocent audience member (Hugh Fink).

Also Hosted: 01p, 04p.

Transcript

MasterCard

The ViewRecurring Characters: Barbara Walters, Meredith Viera, Starr Jones, Debbie Matenapolous.

Oops! I Crapped My PantsSummary: Undergarments for the elderly that can hold up to a gallon of fecal matter.

Transcript

The Ladies ManSummary: Leon Phelps (Tim Meadows) and a local actress (Cameron Diaz) recreate scenes from the KennethStarr Report.

Recurring Characters: Leon Phelps.

Transcript

The Best of the First 20 MinutesSummary: SNL’s latest episode is rushed to videotape before it has even fully aired.

The New Hollywood SquaresSummary: The celebrity-filled board has collapsed, but the game show will go on.

TV FunhouseSummary: Rob Smigel’s “Fun With Real Audio” features outtakes of President Bill Clinton’s address on the Starr Report.

Transcript

Weekend Update with Colin QuinnSummary: Dominican Lou (Tracy Morgan) tries to sell Gary Giatti’s record-breaking baseball.

Recurring Characters: Dominican Lou.

Transcript

Smashing Pumpkins performs “Perfect”Also Performed: 93e, 95e.

Roxbury GuysSummary: Roxbury Guys Doug (Chris Kattan) and Steve Butabi (Will Ferrell) lose the girl (Cameron Diaz) to aged Festrunk Brothers, Georg (Dan Aykroyd) and Yortuk (Steve Martin).

Recurring Characters: Doug Butabi, Steve Butabi, Georg Festrunk, Yortuk Festrunk.

Transcript

Witches BrewSummary: A trio of witches use metaphors to describe their foul-smelling brew.

Transcript

Gap Ad IRecurring Characters: President Bill Clinton.

Transcript

Jingleheimer JunctionSummary: Newcomer Fred Friendship (Will Ferrell) ruins the sanctimony of the Jingleheimer acronoym.

Transcript

Gap Ad IIRecurring Characters: Hillary Clinton.

Transcript

Spice Girls

MaakiesSummary: In a film by Tony Millionaire, a crow’s dead-end job finally leads him to a suicide purchase.

Gap Ad IIIRecurring Characters: Kenneth Starr.

Transcript

Goodnights

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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