Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 24: Episode 1
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:
September 26th, 1998
Cameron Diaz
Smashing Pumpkins
None
Hugh Fink
Dan Aykroyd
Steve Martin
Oprah 2002Summary: In the year 2002, Oprah Winfrey (Tim Meadows) the key players in the 1998 Bill Clinton (Darrell Hammond) and Monica Lewinsky (Molly Shannon) sex scandal.
Recurring Characters: Oprah Winfrey, Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, Linda Tripp.
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MontageNote: After a year’s absence, featured performers are included in the cast, though newcomers Jimmy Fallon, Chris Parnell and Horatio Sanz are not credited in this episode.
Cameron Diaz’s MonologueSummary: Cameron Diaz confronts an innocent audience member (Hugh Fink).
Also Hosted: 01p, 04p.
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MasterCard
The ViewRecurring Characters: Barbara Walters, Meredith Viera, Starr Jones, Debbie Matenapolous.
Oops! I Crapped My PantsSummary: Undergarments for the elderly that can hold up to a gallon of fecal matter.
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The Ladies ManSummary: Leon Phelps (Tim Meadows) and a local actress (Cameron Diaz) recreate scenes from the KennethStarr Report.
Recurring Characters: Leon Phelps.
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The Best of the First 20 MinutesSummary: SNL’s latest episode is rushed to videotape before it has even fully aired.
The New Hollywood SquaresSummary: The celebrity-filled board has collapsed, but the game show will go on.
TV FunhouseSummary: Rob Smigel’s “Fun With Real Audio” features outtakes of President Bill Clinton’s address on the Starr Report.
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Weekend Update with Colin QuinnSummary: Dominican Lou (Tracy Morgan) tries to sell Gary Giatti’s record-breaking baseball.
Recurring Characters: Dominican Lou.
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Smashing Pumpkins performs “Perfect”Also Performed: 93e, 95e.
Roxbury GuysSummary: Roxbury Guys Doug (Chris Kattan) and Steve Butabi (Will Ferrell) lose the girl (Cameron Diaz) to aged Festrunk Brothers, Georg (Dan Aykroyd) and Yortuk (Steve Martin).
Recurring Characters: Doug Butabi, Steve Butabi, Georg Festrunk, Yortuk Festrunk.
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Witches BrewSummary: A trio of witches use metaphors to describe their foul-smelling brew.
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Gap Ad IRecurring Characters: President Bill Clinton.
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Jingleheimer JunctionSummary: Newcomer Fred Friendship (Will Ferrell) ruins the sanctimony of the Jingleheimer acronoym.
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Gap Ad IIRecurring Characters: Hillary Clinton.
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Spice Girls
MaakiesSummary: In a film by Tony Millionaire, a crow’s dead-end job finally leads him to a suicide purchase.
Gap Ad IIIRecurring Characters: Kenneth Starr.
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Goodnights
