SNL Transcripts: Cameron Diaz: 09/26/98



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 24: Episode 1


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


September 26th, 1998

Cameron Diaz

Smashing Pumpkins

None

Hugh Fink

Dan Aykroyd

Steve Martin
Oprah 2002Summary: In the year 2002, Oprah Winfrey (Tim Meadows) the key players in the 1998 Bill Clinton (Darrell Hammond) and Monica Lewinsky (Molly Shannon) sex scandal.

Recurring Characters: Oprah Winfrey, Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, Linda Tripp.

Transcript

MontageNote: After a year’s absence, featured performers are included in the cast, though newcomers Jimmy Fallon, Chris Parnell and Horatio Sanz are not credited in this episode.

Cameron Diaz’s MonologueSummary: Cameron Diaz confronts an innocent audience member (Hugh Fink).

Also Hosted: 01p, 04p.

Transcript

MasterCard

The ViewRecurring Characters: Barbara Walters, Meredith Viera, Starr Jones, Debbie Matenapolous.

Oops! I Crapped My PantsSummary: Undergarments for the elderly that can hold up to a gallon of fecal matter.

Transcript

The Ladies ManSummary: Leon Phelps (Tim Meadows) and a local actress (Cameron Diaz) recreate scenes from the KennethStarr Report.

Recurring Characters: Leon Phelps.

Transcript

The Best of the First 20 MinutesSummary: SNL’s latest episode is rushed to videotape before it has even fully aired.

The New Hollywood SquaresSummary: The celebrity-filled board has collapsed, but the game show will go on.

TV FunhouseSummary: Rob Smigel’s “Fun With Real Audio” features outtakes of President Bill Clinton’s address on the Starr Report.

Transcript

Weekend Update with Colin QuinnSummary: Dominican Lou (Tracy Morgan) tries to sell Gary Giatti’s record-breaking baseball.

Recurring Characters: Dominican Lou.

Transcript

Smashing Pumpkins performs “Perfect”Also Performed: 93e, 95e.

Roxbury GuysSummary: Roxbury Guys Doug (Chris Kattan) and Steve Butabi (Will Ferrell) lose the girl (Cameron Diaz) to aged Festrunk Brothers, Georg (Dan Aykroyd) and Yortuk (Steve Martin).

Recurring Characters: Doug Butabi, Steve Butabi, Georg Festrunk, Yortuk Festrunk.

Transcript

Witches BrewSummary: A trio of witches use metaphors to describe their foul-smelling brew.

Transcript

Gap Ad IRecurring Characters: President Bill Clinton.

Transcript

Jingleheimer JunctionSummary: Newcomer Fred Friendship (Will Ferrell) ruins the sanctimony of the Jingleheimer acronoym.

Transcript

Gap Ad IIRecurring Characters: Hillary Clinton.

Transcript

Spice Girls

MaakiesSummary: In a film by Tony Millionaire, a crow’s dead-end job finally leads him to a suicide purchase.

Gap Ad IIIRecurring Characters: Kenneth Starr.

Transcript

Goodnights

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