SNL Transcripts: Cameron Diaz: 09/26/98: The Roxbury Guys


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 24: Episode 1

98a: Cameron Diaz / Smashing Pumpkins

The Roxbury Guys

Steve Butabi…..Will Ferrell
Doug Butabi…..Chris Kattan
Celeste…..Cameron Diaz
Georg Festrunk…..Dan Aykroyd
Yortuk Festrunk…..Steve Martin
…..Billy Corrigan
…..Smashing Pumpkins

[Open to outside of the Moomba Club] [Cut to the indide of the Moomba Club, where Celeste and 2 other guys enter in]

Celeste: Hello, Smashing Pumpkins.

Billy: Celeste. Did you get my messages?

Celeste: Only all 12 of them…

Billy: You wanna dance?

Celeste: Hey, who are the new guys?

[Cut to the bar, where Steve and Doug are bopping their heads with wine bottles in their mouths, to “What is Love” by Haddaway]

Doug Butabi: Hey! You wanna dance? [He steps foward, does some dance moves, and then gets back to the bar] You do? You dont? You’re deaf? No, you’re not deaf at all! Okay, sorry about that.

Steve Butabi: [He steps foward] You wanna dance? No? You’re a Mennonite and your elders forbid it? Okay. Cool. Right! [He steps back] [Celeste has a cigarette in her mouth, and does a hand motion, asking the Guys for a lighter]

Doug Butabi: Me? Him? Me? Him?

Steve Butabi: Him? No? Me? Him? [He manages to get a lighter out of his poket, but Doug jumps in for it, and he throws it into the bar, and it lights on fire.] [The barman gets a extinguisher and extinguishes the fire, and sprays water everywhere, even on Doug and Steve’s suits, which leave some white marks]

Steve Butabi: We’re good! We’re fine, thanks alot! Thanks alot.

[Celeste walks in between them]

Steve Butabi: Hey! Hey! [They bounce her around with their chests]

Celeste: [enjoying] Oh! [She whispers to the guys after they stop]

Doug & Steve: SCORE! VEERRY NICE! [They high-five] [Cut to a Cadallac driving on a busy street] [Cut to the inside of the Cadillac, where Doug, Celeste, and Steve are bopping their heads] [Cut to the outside of an apartment building] [Cut to the interior of the building. They are in a room, in which the Celeste enters and lays on a bed. The Guys come dancing in] [“What is Love” stops. There is stereo and many CD’s on top of a table, and the Guys scramble to find a CD to play. Doug finds a CD, and Steve puts it in. “What is Love” place once again] [Celeste does a finger motion for the Guys to join her in the bed]

Doug Butabi: Who? Me? Him?

Steve Butabi: Him? Me? Him?

Doug & Steve: BOTH!? SCORE!

[They go in the bed, and cover themsleves with a blanket. The lights go off after some bouncing around, and the bouncing keeps on going on until…]

Steve Butabi: OH!

Doug: OH!

[…the Guys find out that Celeste snuck out of bed, while they are left, uh.. boning each other] [Cut to the outside of The Moomba Club] [Cut to the interior, where Celeste sees the Smashing Pumpkins again]

Billy: Hey, how about that dance?

Celeste: Oh please, Billy! Hey! Who are the new guys!?

[Crowd clears, revealing the Festrunk Bros. dancing]

Georg Festrunk: [Thick accent] HELLO! [checking her out] Hello, young super FOX!

Yortuk Festrunk: [Very thick accent] We enjoy your big American breasts! You must be impressed at our tight pants, that increase our buldges!

Gerog Festrunk: Would you like to go surfing with us to the porngography sites!?

[The Roxbury Bros. enter]

Doug Butabi: What’s going on here!?

Steve Butabi: Why are you with her?

Yortuk Festrunk: Because we are….

Festrunk Bros.: Because, we are two WILD AND CRAZY GUYS!

[They walk out with the girl]

Celeste: SCORE!

Submitted by: Lonnie Fukuda

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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