Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 24: Episode 2
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:
October 2nd, 1998
Kelsey Grammer
Sheryl Crow
Shaquille O’Neal
Dennis McNicholas
Hal Linden
Christine Baranski
Patti Lupone
Bedtime at the White HouseSummary: In the days following the release of the Starr Report, a fuming Hillary Clinton (Ana Gasteyer) ignores Bill (Darrell Hammond) in the bedroom.
Recurring Characters: President Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton.
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Montage
Kelsey Grammer’s MonologueSummary: Kelsey Grammer sings rejected versions of the “Frasier” theme song.
Also Hosted: 93q.
KCF ShreddersSummary: A teenager (Jimmy Fallon) touts the hip lettuce snacker for his generation.
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Delicious DishSummary: Wilderness fanatic Graham Stansler (Kelsey Grammer) relates his story of nature and cannibalism.
Recurring Characters: Margaret Jo McCullen, Teri Rialto.
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Terry Ferguson For Senate ISummary: Candidate Terry Ferguson (Will Ferrell) will avoid sex scandals, because he’s lost his genitals in a fire.
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BernardSummary: When he comes home too late, tall Bernard (Shaquille O’Neal) gets a whipping from his short yet aggressive Dad (Tracy Morgan).
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Terry Ferguson For Senate IISummary: Candidate Terry Ferguson (Will Ferrell) is no Washington insider, but he has lost his genitals in a fire.
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Private EyeSummary: A film noir private eye (Kelsey Grammer) is obsessed with thoughts of burritos.
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Hose ’em Down!Summary: The new director (Kelsey Gramer) of “Baywatch” elicits emotions from actresses before spraying them with hoses.
The Best of Horatio SanzSummary: Compilation tape for one of SNL’s newest performers includes moments from his first two episodes, plus Dan Aykroyd sketches as filler.
Weekend Update with Colin QuinnSummary: Tropical Storm Georges (Kelsey Grammer) relates his disgust with the National Weather Service.
Transcript
Sheryl Crow performs “My Favorite Mistake”Also Performed: 96b.
Mr. PeepersSummary: Socialogist (Kelsey Grammer) proves that Mr. Peepers (Chris Kattan) really is an animal.
Recurring Characters: Mr. Peepers.
MaakiesSummary: In a cartoon by Tony Millionaire, surgery allows a sliced rat to become a ship’s mermaid.
Morning LatteSummary: Cass van Rye (Cheri Oteri) and Tom Wilkins (Will Ferrell) interview Shaquille O’Neal while inappropriately bringing up the new producer’s (Chris Kattan) recent sexual harrassment lawsuit.
Recurring Characters: Tom Wilkins, Cass van Rye.
Hello DollySummary: The extreme cuteness of the dolls spawn the inner psyches of Deanna Nolen-Gray (Ana Gasteyer) and her co-host Don Simkin (Kelsey Grammer).
Recurring Characters: Deanna Nolen-Gray.
ESPN2 Lumberjack ClassicSummary: A lumberjack (Will Ferrell) thanks Jesus Christ for helping him win the competition while snubbing his competitors.
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GoodnightsTranscript
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Dress Rehearsal Cuts
Shaq’s LullabySummary: Shaquille O’Neal comforts Will Ferrell after other cast members and Lorne Michaels tease him.
Note: This sketch appears as a bonus feature on the Best of Will Ferrell DVD.
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