SNL Transcripts: Kelsey Grammer: 10/02/98


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 24: Episode 2

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


October 2nd, 1998

Kelsey Grammer

Sheryl Crow

Shaquille O’Neal

Dennis McNicholas

Hal Linden

Christine Baranski

Patti Lupone
Bedtime at the White HouseSummary: In the days following the release of the Starr Report, a fuming Hillary Clinton (Ana Gasteyer) ignores Bill (Darrell Hammond) in the bedroom.

Recurring Characters: President Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton.



Kelsey Grammer’s MonologueSummary: Kelsey Grammer sings rejected versions of the “Frasier” theme song.

Also Hosted: 93q.

KCF ShreddersSummary: A teenager (Jimmy Fallon) touts the hip lettuce snacker for his generation.


Delicious DishSummary: Wilderness fanatic Graham Stansler (Kelsey Grammer) relates his story of nature and cannibalism.

Recurring Characters: Margaret Jo McCullen, Teri Rialto.


Terry Ferguson For Senate ISummary: Candidate Terry Ferguson (Will Ferrell) will avoid sex scandals, because he’s lost his genitals in a fire.


BernardSummary: When he comes home too late, tall Bernard (Shaquille O’Neal) gets a whipping from his short yet aggressive Dad (Tracy Morgan).


Terry Ferguson For Senate IISummary: Candidate Terry Ferguson (Will Ferrell) is no Washington insider, but he has lost his genitals in a fire.


Private EyeSummary: A film noir private eye (Kelsey Grammer) is obsessed with thoughts of burritos.


Hose ’em Down!Summary: The new director (Kelsey Gramer) of “Baywatch” elicits emotions from actresses before spraying them with hoses.

The Best of Horatio SanzSummary: Compilation tape for one of SNL’s newest performers includes moments from his first two episodes, plus Dan Aykroyd sketches as filler.

Weekend Update with Colin QuinnSummary: Tropical Storm Georges (Kelsey Grammer) relates his disgust with the National Weather Service.


Sheryl Crow performs “My Favorite Mistake”Also Performed: 96b.

Mr. PeepersSummary: Socialogist (Kelsey Grammer) proves that Mr. Peepers (Chris Kattan) really is an animal.

Recurring Characters: Mr. Peepers.

MaakiesSummary: In a cartoon by Tony Millionaire, surgery allows a sliced rat to become a ship’s mermaid.

Morning LatteSummary: Cass van Rye (Cheri Oteri) and Tom Wilkins (Will Ferrell) interview Shaquille O’Neal while inappropriately bringing up the new producer’s (Chris Kattan) recent sexual harrassment lawsuit.

Recurring Characters: Tom Wilkins, Cass van Rye.

Hello DollySummary: The extreme cuteness of the dolls spawn the inner psyches of Deanna Nolen-Gray (Ana Gasteyer) and her co-host Don Simkin (Kelsey Grammer).

Recurring Characters: Deanna Nolen-Gray.

ESPN2 Lumberjack ClassicSummary: A lumberjack (Will Ferrell) thanks Jesus Christ for helping him win the competition while snubbing his competitors.




Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Shaq’s LullabySummary: Shaquille O’Neal comforts Will Ferrell after other cast members and Lorne Michaels tease him.

Note: This sketch appears as a bonus feature on the Best of Will Ferrell DVD.


SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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