SNL Transcripts: Kelsey Grammer: 10/02/98: Terry Ferguson For Senate I

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 24: Episode 2

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98b: Kelsey Grammer / Sheryl Crow

Terry Ferguson For Senate I

Terry Ferguson…..Will Ferrell

[ open on Terry Ferguson shaking people’s hands as thye walk past him on the sidewalk ]

Announcer: Terry Ferguson is a man of the people.

[ cut to Terry waving at people on the sidewalk ]

Announcer: Terry Ferguson believes in a strong America.

[ cut to Terry talking with a black man, flinching his head back as the man talks animatedly with his hands ]

Announcer: Terry Ferguson is pro-education.

[ cut to Terry addressing the camera as he crosses the street ]

Terry Ferguson: Hi! I’m Terry Ferguson, Democratic candidate for the U.S. Senate. Twenty-three years ago, I lost my privates in a fire, leaving me completely unable to have sex with anyone or anything.

[ cut to close-up of Terry’s face ]

Terry Ferguson: Imagine my surprise when the Democratic Party contacted me to run for Senate. Well, I discussed it with my wife, my doctor, even my co-workers down at Foot Locker. They al said, “Why not?” Look – I don’t cheat on my wife, because I can’t! I lost my genitals in a fire! So, vote for me. And I’ll become a Senator. [ hesitant ] In Washington. [ holds his thumb up ]

[ cut to ad card ]

Announcer: Ferguson for Senate. He lost his genitals in a fire.

Terry Ferguson V/O: Paid for by Democrats for Ferguson!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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