SNL Transcripts: Kelsey Grammer: 10/02/98: Terry Ferguson For Senate II


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 24: Episode 2

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98b: Kelsey Grammer / Sheryl Crow

Terry Ferguson For Senate II

Terry Ferguson…..Will Ferrell

[ open on Terry Ferguson standing in front of an office building ]

Terry Ferguson: I’m Terry Ferguson, abnd I love America! [ holds up his thumb ] [ cut to American flag with “Terry Ferguson for Senate” ]

Announcer: Terry Ferguson loves America.

[ cut to Terry Ferguson looking confused as a Chinese cook talks. Terry smiles sheepishly. ]

Announcer: Terry Ferguson believes in the power of good times!

[ cut to Terry Ferguson running up to a woman on the street, shaking her hand hesitantly, then steps aside with a confused look on his face ]

Announcer: Terry Ferguson is not a Washington insider like his opponent, Gary Simmons. Let’s look at the facts:

[ cut to picture of Gary Simmons with “Washington Insider” atop a pair of boxes marked “Yes” and “No.” ]

Announcer: Washington insider for over twelve years?

[ “Yes” box is checked ] [ picture now reads “Interns” atop a pair of boxes marked “Yes” and “No.” ]

Announcer: Interns working under him?

[ “Yes” box is checked ] [ picture now reads “Genitals” atop a pair of boxes marked “Yes” and “No.” ]

Announcer: Has genitals?

[ “Yes” box is checked ] [ cut to Terry Ferguson standing in front of a fountain ]

Terry Ferguson: Twenty-three years ago, I lost my genitals in a fire. and since that time, I haven’t had sex with anyone. In fact, the mere thought of sex gives me phantom pains where my privates used to be. Now, look here – the American school systems rank tenth in the nation. That’s not good. Is it? Let’s try to change that. Vote for me.

[ cut to ad card ]

Announcer: Ferguson for Senate. The thought of sex gives him phantom pains in his genitals!

Terry Ferguson V/O: Paid for by Democrats for Ferguson!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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