SNL Transcripts: Lucy Lawless: 10/17/98: The History of Presidential Scandal I

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 24: Episode 3



98c: Lucy Lawless / Elliot smith

The History of Presidential Scandal I

[Fade up to graphic that reads “CNN and Kraft Foods Present The History of Presidential Scandal.” Soft piano music plays throughout the segment.]

Voiceover: In an attempt to put the current White House scandal in perspective, CNN and Kraft Foods present “The History of Presidential Scandals.”

[fade down, then up to a photo of Franklin D. Roosevelt]

Most of us now know that Franklin Roosevelt had a long-time extramarital affair with Lucy Mercer.

[fade down, then up to a photo of Thomas Jefferson]

And that Thomas Jefferson fathered illegitimate children by Sally Hemmings, one of his slaves.

[fade down, then up to a photo of Andrew Johnson that slowly zooms in]

But few people know that in the spring of 1867, Andrew Johnson had sex with a bird. Johnson’s affair with the sparrow was no secret among the Washington elite, and is even alluded to [fade down, then up to a political cartoon with Andrew Johnson and a sparrow close to each other and the phrase “sex not the bird” above them] in political cartoons of the time. This may be how Johnson earned the nickname, “The Carolina Bird-Bagger.”

[fade down, then up to “The History of Presidential Scandal” graphic]

[fade to black]

Submitted by: Gregory Larson

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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