SNL Transcripts: David Spade: 11/07/98: Mercury Mistress


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 24: Episode 5

98e: David Spade / Eagle-Eye Cherry

Mercury Mistress

Mercury Owner…..Chris Parnell

Announcer: A fine automobile is something to be admired – even adored. It’s an extension of you. You love your car so much, you want to share your most intimate moments with it. Well, now you can. Introducing the Mercury Mistress, the world’s first car that you can actually have sex with.

[ show pixellated area behind the license plate ]

Rich, leather interior, and fully digital luxury on the inside, while a sturdy alloy frame ensures a smooth ride and top performance on the road, and excellent handling, even in the most severe weather.

The Mercury Mistress is such a fine automobile, it’s sure to attract plenty of unwanted admirers. [ a perverted man sneaks up to the rear of the car, and unzips his pants as the alarm goes off and frightens him ] That’s why the Mercury Mistress comes with a factory-equipped security system, to assure your car will always be faithful to you, and only you.

The Mercury Mistress. When this car’s a-rockin’, don’t come knockin’.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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