SNL Transcripts: David Spade: 11/07/98: Mercury Mistress

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 24: Episode 5




98e: David Spade / Eagle-Eye Cherry

Mercury Mistress

Mercury Owner…..Chris Parnell

Announcer: A fine automobile is something to be admired – even adored. It’s an extension of you. You love your car so much, you want to share your most intimate moments with it. Well, now you can. Introducing the Mercury Mistress, the world’s first car that you can actually have sex with.

[ show pixellated area behind the license plate ]

Rich, leather interior, and fully digital luxury on the inside, while a sturdy alloy frame ensures a smooth ride and top performance on the road, and excellent handling, even in the most severe weather.

The Mercury Mistress is such a fine automobile, it’s sure to attract plenty of unwanted admirers. [ a perverted man sneaks up to the rear of the car, and unzips his pants as the alarm goes off and frightens him ] That’s why the Mercury Mistress comes with a factory-equipped security system, to assure your car will always be faithful to you, and only you.

The Mercury Mistress. When this car’s a-rockin’, don’t come knockin’.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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