SNL Transcripts: Vince Vaughn: 12/05/98: Pimp Chat

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 28: Episode 8

98h: Vince Vaughn / Lauryn Hill

Pimp Chat

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald…..Tract Morgan
Pimpin’ Kyle…..Tim Meadows
White Chocolate…..Vince Vaughn

Announcer: Live, from the back of a Rolls-Roylce limosine parked outside Club Sugar Shack, at Nelson Ave. and Harlem, it’s “Pimp Chat”, starring Bishop Don “Mack” Donald.

[ dissolve to interior, limosine, Bishop Don “Mack” donald sitting next to Pimpin’ Kyle ]

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: That’s right. I’m Bishop Don “Mack” Donald, and you’re watching “Pimp Chat”! Because, whether you’re a pimp, a mack, a player, a hustler, a prostitute, a hooker or a ho, the game remains the same: you must get paid! Now, tonight I’m joined by one of the most respected playas in the town – Pimpin’ Kyle!

Pimpin’ Kyle: Hey, Bishop, how you doin’, baby?

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Fine, Pimpin’ Kyle. Now, exactly how did you get into pimpin’?

Pimpin’ Kyle: Well, you know, after junior high school, I decided to get a phD.

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: What’s that? You got a phD?!

Pimpin’ Kyle: Yeah, man – a Pimpin’ Hos Degree!

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Aw, man! It’s not often that a playa bounce back the way you did! Tell us how you overcome a personal tragedy.

Pimpin’ Kyle: Well, you know, man, in 1984, I was shot in the groin with a shotgun..

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Dig it!

Pimpin’ Kyle: But God spared my life that day, man..

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Hold tight!

Pimpin’ Kyle: Gave me another chance to do what he put me on this earth to do!

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: What’s that?

Pimpin’ Kyle: To pimp!

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Mmm!

Electrinoc Voice: Give me the money! Give me the money! Give me the money!

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Uh-oh! You know what that means! It’s time for Pimp of Da Month! Now, remember, all of these nominees receive a set of Lee Press-On Gold Teeth. Pimpin’ Kyle, tell us who the first Runner-Up is!

Pimpin’ Kyle: Pimp of Da month, First Runner-Up.. is the Exxon Corporation, who recently made mobil Oil their bitch!

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: That’s a good choice! But our Pimp of Da Month Award goes to Mr. Ghetto-Fabulous himself – the man who turned pimpin’ into politics! President Bill Clinton!

Pimpin’ Kyle: And the Prez deserves lots of credit for making Ken Starr his bitch!

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Hey! Dig this here – Pimpin’ Kyle, we got a special guest who covers some prestigious pimp territory! From the Walgreen’s over on Smith and 9th St. to the Gray’s Papaya at 114th and Lennox. Please welcome Mr. White Chocolate!

[ White Chocolate steps into the limosine ]

White Chocolate: Oh, wassup there, “Mack” Donald!

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Oh, man! you a playa!

White Chocolate: You got some White Chocolate inside this ride, brotha!

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: That’s right!

White Chocolate: What’s up, Pimpin’ Kyle!

Pimpin’ Kyle: What’s up there, White Chocolate?

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Yeah, dig this here! We knew each other for many years! But I’ll ask you something: is it hard to be a white pimp?

White Chocolate: Aw, hell no, brotha! ‘Cuz I got me some mad pimpin’ skills!

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Dig it!

White Chocolate: I may be Caucasian, but I’m like the John Stockton of this here gang!

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Ha, say what!

White Chocolate: All I do is give some no-looks passes, and just dish off some hos, brotha!

Pimpin’ Kyle: Man, you ain’t no pimp – you just a safe haven for some hos!

White Chocolate: Whatchoo talkin’ about, punk?! You the Baltic Ave. of this board, you talkin’ to Park Place, baby! I didn’t come here so some honky bill wannabe try to show me no props! Pimps in the front, hos in the back, and chump in the trunk, brotha!

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Hey, hey, hey! Don’t playa hate! Do not playa hate in my caddy! Playas participate!

Pimpin’ Kyle: [ to White Chocolate ] Alright, baby, you all right!

White Chocolate: Yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ about, Kyle!

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Now, dig it! Tell us, when did you get serious about this here gang?!

White Chocolate: Well, when the brotha saw that I was down for real..

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Dig it!

White Chocolate: Then they sorta took me under their wing!

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Right!

White Chocolate: You know what I’m talkin’ about!

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Mmm-hmm.

White Chocolate: So then I got, you know, my skisms under my belt..

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Right.

White Chocolate: How to dress!

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Right.

White Chocolate: How to finesse!

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Right.

White Chocolate: Then all them bitches wanna come jump on my pimp train! ‘Cause I’m the engine, all them hos are the cabooses! I’m always in motion, baby, just like the ocean! All them hos wanna come and get some of this White Chocolate! pimpin’ love potion, brotha!

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Right on, I’m hip. [ turns toward the window ] Hold on for a minute, fellas, hold up.. hold on. [ rolls down window ] BITCH, you got my MONEY??!! I’m not playin’!! [ pulls back in ] Anyway, Mr. White Chocolate, supposin’ there are some hos out there watchin’ tonight, who want to get on your trizzack!

White Chocolate: Right, right, right..

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: How would they go be able to contact you?

White Chocolate: Well, Mr. White Chocolates can always be reached at my baby’s mother’s house!

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Right.

White Chocolate: Or you can call me on my cellular phone. I got my central phones on. Sometimes I’m hooked up with that cordless phone.

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Dig it.

White Chocolate: I keep my faxes on.

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Right.

White Chocolate: I got my voicemails on.

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Mmm-hmm.

White Chocolate: Or you can reach me on my new interent address – it’s..!

Bishop Don “Mack” Donald: Ha! White Chocolate, Pimpin’ Kyle, I wish I could chat with you a little bit longer, but this is all the time we have. Until next week on “Pimp Chat”, play on!

White Chocolate: Play on, brotha!

[ fade ]

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