SNL Transcripts: Alec Baldwin: 12/12/98: 10-10-1776-5-28-1830-242-3-316-68-22



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 28: Episode 9


98i: Alec Baldwin / Luciano Pavarotti & Vanessa Williams

10-10-1776-5-28-1830-242-3-316-68-22

Husband…..Alec Baldwin
Wife…..Ana Gasteyer

[Fade up to a living room, decorated for the holidays. A woman is sitting on the couch in front of a table with Christmas presents on it. As she finishes wrapping a gift, a man, presumably her husband, walks in from another room.]

Husband: Honey, have you finished all the Christmas shopping?

Wife: Just about. But I don’t know what to get your brother’s kids. So I thought I’d give ’em a call. [reaches for a phone on the table]

Husband: [stopping her] Well hey! Don’t dial direct! Now you can save four percent! [sits down on the couch with his wife]…Simply dial [numbers appear toward the bottom of the screen as he says them] 10-10-1776-5-28-1830-242-3-316-68-22! Then 1, the area code, and the number you’re [numbers disappear] calling!

Wife: You mean all I have to do is dial [numbers appear as she says them] 10-10-1776-5-28-1830-242-3-316-68-22, and I’ll save four percent on [numbers disappear] long distance?

Husband: You sure will! That means for every one hundred dollars you spend on long distance calls, you [shows four one-dollar bills] get to keep four dollars for you. And it’s easy to remember [numbers appear all at once] 10-10-1776-5-28-1830-242-3-316-68-22 when you break it down. [numbers disappear]

Wife: How do you do that?

Husband: Well, [numbers appear] 10-10 is just the number ten, twice. And what happened in [number appears] 1776?

Wife: It’s the year our great nation declared its independence.

Husband: That’s right. Now, do you remember the Indian Removal Act?

Wife: Was that the bill that allowed the removal of thousands of Native Americans off their land and onto reservations?

Husband: That’s the one! Do you know what day Andrew Jackson signed it into law?

Wife: I think it was in May of 1830.

Husband: May 28th, to be exact.

Wife: So that’s where the [numbers appear] “5-28-1830” fits in!

Husband: Precisely. Then, February of ’42, Roosevelt authorized that Japanese-Americans be pulled from their homes, and placed in internment camps.

Wife: That’s the [number appears] “242”!

Husband: Now you’re getting it! And what was ex-Oakland Raiders quarterback Daryle Lamonica’s number?

Wife: Eight?

Husband: No, you’re thinking of punter Ray Guy. He was number eight.

Wife: Oh yeah! Lamonica was [number appears] three!

Husband: Good. Now you’re back on track! And what happened on March 16th, 1968?

Wife: The My Lai Massacre, where over 40 innocent villagers were slaughtered! [numbers appear] 316-68!

Husband: Great! And finally, [number appears] 22…

Husband and Wife: The number of Moody Blues albums! [all numbers disappear]

Wife: When you put it that way, it’s easy to remember [numbers appear as she says them] 10-10-1776-5-28-1830-242-3-316-68-22!

Husband: So next time you want to make a long-distance call, just remember: [cut to the number 10 looking into a mirror; caption “10-10”] the number ten twice, [cut to a portrait of the Founding Fathers; caption “1776”] the origin of America, [cut to a split shot of black-and-white photos of Native Americans and Japanese-Americans; caption “5-28-1830-242”] the oppression of the Indians and Japanese-Americans, [cut to a Daryle Lamonica football card; caption “3”] Daryle Lamonica, [cut to a photo of the My Lai Massacre; caption “3-16-68”] the My Lai Massacre, [cut to several Moody Blues albums; caption “22”] the number of Moody Blues albums, and you’ll [cut back to the living room] be on your way to saving up to four percent on all your long-distance calls!

Wife: I only wish shopping for your family was as easy as dialing [numbers appear as she says them] 10-10-1776-5-28-1830-242-3-316-68-22!

Husband: I [numbers disappear] couldn’t agree more!

[wife laughs; husband scoops some egg nog for her, then scoops some for himself]

Announcer: Just dial [fade up “10-10-1776-5-28-1830-242-3-316-68-22/CALL TODAY AND SAVE” toward the middle of the screen] 10-10-1776-5-28-1830-242-3-316-68-22, and start saving up to four percent today!

[fade to black]

Submitted by: Gregory Larson

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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