SNL Transcripts: Bill Paxton: 01/09/99: NewsForce


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 28: Episode 6

98j: Bill Paxton / Beck


Carl Marshall…..Tim Neadows
Kirk Blackwell…..Bill Paxton
Wayne Hollister…..Will Ferrell
Consuela O’Shay…..Cheri Oteri
Voice of Greg…..Chris Parnell

[ open on anchor Carl Marshall, with the MSNBC logo and scrolling stock exchange currently on the bottom areas of the screen ]

Carl Marshall: Good evening, welcome to Hour Four of “Newsforce”, here on MSNBC, your live source for all of today’s headlines. [ “TV G” rating and “Recorded in SAP” logos appear in the upper right of the screen, along with Carl’s name and a Dow Jones average next to the NSNBC logo ] You can also check us out on-line at [ the URL, along with a Newsforce logo appear on the screen, alongside all the other distracting logos and scrolls ] We’ll get to our Question of the Day in just a moment, but first our top stories: [ Top Stories box appears on the left side of the screen ] The Senate unanimously approves a plan for the impeachment process; coalition jets clash once again with Iraqi fighters; and a bullsih market begins the new year. Now, for our Question of the Day, let’s go to Kirk Blackwell. Kirk?

[ cut to Kirk Blackwell, the same group of logos, boxes and scrolls surrounding his camera screen ]

Kirk Blackwell: Thanks, Carl. [ Question of the Day box appears at the top of the screen ] Today’s Question of the Day: “The President.. Should he fish or cut bait?” [ moves head lower, so as to be seen past the boxes ] Your comments are always welcome on, or call us at 1-800-GO-NEWS. [ phone number appears on the screen, above the URL ] We’ll take your calls and comments, but first, we go to our panel of experts. [ the two experts appears on the same log-infested screen ] Consuela O’Shay and Wayne Hollister, welcome to “Newsforce”!

Wayne Hollister: [ moves head around tp be seen ] Thanks for having us.

Consuela O’Shay: It’s good to be here, Carl.

Kirk Blackwell: Question of the Day: “The President.. Should he fish or cut bait?” WAyne, you have two seconds.. go!

[ 2-second time clock also shows up on the screen ]

Wayne Hollister: Uh.. well, there are really two issues at stake here.. [ buzzer sounds ] uh.. fish. He should fish.

Kirk Blackwell: Consuela?

Consuela O’Shay: Cut bait!

Kirk Blackwell: Back to you, Carl.

Carl Marshall: “Newsforce”. Let’s take a call.. but first, let’s see a picture of the “Terminator” robot. [ “TErminator” robot appears on the screen ] That’s cool! And that is coming to you live, from “Newsforce”. Greg, from Texas, uh, you’re on the air. You have three-quarters of a second.

[ “On The Phone – Greg, TX” bar appears on the screen ]

Voice of Greg: Uh.. thanks, Carl. Love the show, it’s, uh..

[ buzzer sounds ]

Carl Marshall: Sorry, time’s up. Fornmore “Newsforce”, let’s go over to Kirk Blackwell. Kirk?

Kirk Blackwell: Thanks, Carl. Now, here’s more stuff to look at!

[ the screen is completely covered by a chart, with the other logos and stuff still showing on the screen ]

Carl Marshall: It’s.. some kind of poll, or something..

Kirk Blackwell: Yeah, it’s a chart or graph.. I think I can see the number 30 in there. Carl?

Carl Marshall: Alright. [ visible in a small piece of screen ] Moving on..let’s get soem hockey scores on the screen there.

[ hockey scores papear in a bar near the bottom of the screen ]

Kirk Blackwell: Fantastic! We return now to our panel of experts. What do you guys make of this?

Consuela O’Shay: [ peering in ] It’s all very exciting..

Kirk Blackwell: Wayne?

Wayne Hollister: Uh.. I think we have to keep in mind..

Carl Marshall: Uh, I’m sorry. Hold that thought one second, Wayne. Right now, we have to check on some celebrity birthdays. [ box of celebrity birthdays appear in the middle of the screen ] Bob Denver, TV’s Gilligan, 64 years young today. And now, a “Newsforce” weather update: it’s pretty chilly out there today. [ weather graphic appears below the celebrity birthday box ] [ MSNBC logo cuts in ]

Announcer: “Newsforce”. For nine more hours of “Newsforce”, here on MSNBC.

[ fade to black ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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