SNL Transcripts: James van der Beek: 01/16/99: Larry Flynt at the White House

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 24: Episode 11

98k: James Van Der Beek / Everlast

Larry Flynt at the White House

President Bill Clinton…..Darrell Hammond
Larry Flynt…..Horatio Sanz
Hillary Clinton…..Ana Gasteyer

[ open on exterior, White House ]

[ dissolve to interior, Oval Office, as President Clinton sits at his desk practicing his thumbs-up ]

[ intercom buzzes ]

Intercom: Mr. President. Your three o’clock appointment is here.

President Bill Clinton: Okay, Betty. Send him in.

[ Larry Flynt wheels his way into the Oval Office ]

President Bill Clinton: Larry Flynt, you old dog! How are you?

Larry Flynt: Mr. President, it’s an honor to be here! I just never thought I’d be invited to the White House.

President Bill Clinton: Well, I.. I asked you up here to say thank you. As you know, I’ve been going through extremely difficult times lately. The only way I got through it was with support from my friends, my spiritual advisors, and the December issue of Hustler Magazine! [ thums-up, laughs ] Ah, that lesbian elves pictorial! That was astounding!

Larry Flynt: Thank you very much, Mr. President.

President Bill Clinton: Oh, no, no, no.. thank you, Larry. You have been a big help. By ratting out Bob Barr for his sexual indiscretions, you have taken a lo-o-o-ot of the heat off me.

Larry Flynt: I’m just giving Republicans a taste of their own medicine.

President Bill Clinton: [ laughs ] God, how do you find ’em?

Larry Flynt: I had to hire private investigators to follow the Congressman around-

President Bill Clinton: No, no, no, no – not that. Those women that pose nude in the magazine. Where do you get ’em? I mean, I do alright.. but none of ’em will let me take pictures of ’em. [ laughs ]

Larry Flynt: The models, they answer ads.

President Bill Clinton: God.. giving people jobs. It’s so simple and beautiful. The girls, though.. you ever get to.. you know..?

Larry Flynt: I do have sexual relations with the women!

[ they laugh ]

President Bill Clinton: God, this is so exciting!

Larry Flynt: I don’t want to take too much of your time; I’m sure you’re busy with the impeachment hearing.

President Bill Clinton: No, no.. I’ve got lawyers to do that crap! I want to talk to you, man. You have the best job in the world!

Larry Flynt: No, Mr. President, I think you have the best job in the world.

President Bill Clinton: Let me ask you something – are those letters in Hustler true?

Larry Flynt: Am I under oath?

[ they laugh ]

[ intercom buzzes ]

Intercom: Mr. President, your wife is here.

President Bill Clinton: [ sullen ] Party’s over.

[ Hillary storms into the Oval Office ]

Hillary Clinton: [ outraged at the sight before her ] What are you doing here with that whore-monger?!!

President Bill Clinton: [ a beat ] You talking to him or me?

Hillary Clinton: You!! You are late for a meeting in the South Garden with the top pancake cookers from the National Jamboree Boy Scouts!

President Bill Clinton: [ flabbergasted ] But I’m talking to Larry Flynt!

Hillary Clinton: I would suggest that you take a shower after meeting with this sleazebag! But there’s no time! Now, get moving, and I’ll show the sexual deviant out!

President Bill Clinton: [ as he exits ] Larry Flynt in my office – I love being Preisdent! [ chuckles ]

[ President Clinton exits Oval Office ]

Hillary Clinton: Here’s some information on Phil Gramm you might find interesting!

Larry Flynt: Thanks, baby.

[ they make out passionately ]

Larry Flynt: “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!!

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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