SNL Transcripts: James van der Beek: 01/16/99: Larry Flynt at the White House

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 24: Episode 11

98k: James Van Der Beek / Everlast

Larry Flynt at the White House

President Bill Clinton…..Darrell Hammond
Larry Flynt…..Horatio Sanz
Hillary Clinton…..Ana Gasteyer

[ open on exterior, White House ] [ dissolve to interior, Oval Office, as President Clinton sits at his desk practicing his thumbs-up ] [ intercom buzzes ]

Intercom: Mr. President. Your three o’clock appointment is here.

President Bill Clinton: Okay, Betty. Send him in.

[ Larry Flynt wheels his way into the Oval Office ]

President Bill Clinton: Larry Flynt, you old dog! How are you?

Larry Flynt: Mr. President, it’s an honor to be here! I just never thought I’d be invited to the White House.

President Bill Clinton: Well, I.. I asked you up here to say thank you. As you know, I’ve been going through extremely difficult times lately. The only way I got through it was with support from my friends, my spiritual advisors, and the December issue of Hustler Magazine! [ thums-up, laughs ] Ah, that lesbian elves pictorial! That was astounding!

Larry Flynt: Thank you very much, Mr. President.

President Bill Clinton: Oh, no, no, no.. thank you, Larry. You have been a big help. By ratting out Bob Barr for his sexual indiscretions, you have taken a lo-o-o-ot of the heat off me.

Larry Flynt: I’m just giving Republicans a taste of their own medicine.

President Bill Clinton: [ laughs ] God, how do you find ’em?

Larry Flynt: I had to hire private investigators to follow the Congressman around-

President Bill Clinton: No, no, no, no – not that. Those women that pose nude in the magazine. Where do you get ’em? I mean, I do alright.. but none of ’em will let me take pictures of ’em. [ laughs ]

Larry Flynt: The models, they answer ads.

President Bill Clinton: God.. giving people jobs. It’s so simple and beautiful. The girls, though.. you ever get to.. you know..?

Larry Flynt: I do have sexual relations with the women!

[ they laugh ]

President Bill Clinton: God, this is so exciting!

Larry Flynt: I don’t want to take too much of your time; I’m sure you’re busy with the impeachment hearing.

President Bill Clinton: No, no.. I’ve got lawyers to do that crap! I want to talk to you, man. You have the best job in the world!

Larry Flynt: No, Mr. President, I think you have the best job in the world.

President Bill Clinton: Let me ask you something – are those letters in Hustler true?

Larry Flynt: Am I under oath?

[ they laugh ] [ intercom buzzes ]

Intercom: Mr. President, your wife is here.

President Bill Clinton: [ sullen ] Party’s over.

[ Hillary storms into the Oval Office ]

Hillary Clinton: [ outraged at the sight before her ] What are you doing here with that whore-monger?!!

President Bill Clinton: [ a beat ] You talking to him or me?

Hillary Clinton: You!! You are late for a meeting in the South Garden with the top pancake cookers from the National Jamboree Boy Scouts!

President Bill Clinton: [ flabbergasted ] But I’m talking to Larry Flynt!

Hillary Clinton: I would suggest that you take a shower after meeting with this sleazebag! But there’s no time! Now, get moving, and I’ll show the sexual deviant out!

President Bill Clinton: [ as he exits ] Larry Flynt in my office – I love being Preisdent! [ chuckles ] [ President Clinton exits Oval Office ]

Hillary Clinton: Here’s some information on Phil Gramm you might find interesting!

Larry Flynt: Thanks, baby.

[ they make out passionately ]

Larry Flynt: “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!!

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