Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 24: Episode 13
Announcer: The human body. Only one home fitness system unlocks your body’s maximum potential.[ cut to the product, a massive trunk labelled “Bio Flex” ]
Announcer: Bio Flex. Designed to build muscle mass through actual resistance from a genetically re-engineered humanoid.[ Consumer enters living in his workout clothes, and unlocks the Bio Flex trunk to reveal an angered humanoid creature on the rampage ]
Announcer: Bio Flex may be the world’s first perfect total workout system.
Announcer: Hand-to-hand combat with with the Bio Flex proto-sapien creature provides intense isometric and aerobic exercise.[ the Bio Flex creature pounces on the Consumer, breaking a coffee table in the process. A guitar and other objects are also smashed and destroyed during the struggle. ]
Announcer: Once the monster is released, all you have to do is fight it. [ the Consumer crouches low against the wall, as the Bio Flex creature’s arm bursts through ] It’s that simple.
Announcer: Unlike most workouts, Bio flex impacts every major muscle.[ the Bio Flex creature smashes the Consumer’s head against a mirror, bloodying his head ]
Announcer: Being pounced on by the angry, hungry creature tones and firms your thighs and gloots.[ the Bio Flex creature jumps on the Consumer’s back. The image freezes, as an outline appears over the Consumer’s thigh and gloot regions ]
Announcer: Wrestling with the violent ape-beast works your shoulders, pecs, and abdominals.[ the Bio Flex creature then tugs the Consumer’s arms upward. The image freezes, as an outline appears over the Consumer’s shoulder, pec, and abdominal regions ]
Announcer: Finally, being pummelled and beaten by the vicious man-monster is also part of the workout.
Announcer: Total. Natural. Bio Flex. When your workout is finished, Bio Flex stores conveniently out of the way —[ the staggering and bloody Consumer happily snaps the Bio Flex trunk shut. Unfortunately, the Bio Flex creature is still on the loose, and promptly pounces on the Consumer once more ]
Announcer: Plus, a Bio Flex workout takes twenty minutes.[ on-screen text: “Actual workout time: 00:20 mins. to 9:00 hrs.” ]
Announcer: Bio Flex. The natural workout machine, for the naturally fit body.[ fade ]