SNL Transcripts: Bill Murray: 02/20/99: Bill Murray’s Monologue

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 24: Episode 14

98n: Bill Murray / Lucinda Williams

Bill Murray’s Monologue

….Bill Murray

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Bill Murray!

[ Cheers and applause from the audience. ]

Bill Murray: How ‘bout that band, huh? Thank you very much! It’s great — you all made it in. Thank you so much!

What a night for you to be here, because something has happened to me that has changed my life! Quite frankly, I didn’t know how I was going to do it for you, folks. I have this incredible gift, and I don’t know where it lives in me. I don’t know where it is and I don’t know where to find it. You know what I’m saying? Anyone?

And, I didn’t feel it tonight when I was getting ready hours ago. I was like, “Oh, God!” My roots are in the legitimate theater, and it’s the juice that reorients and rejuvenates me. So, I did what I did in the old days: I go, “Okay — there’s nothing!”

So, I’d run out over to Broadway and I’d walk in… into a theater. What? I didn’t care! And I’d just close ‘em, and let it come. And, then, I’m charged up again! But, tonight, I saw something that has changed my life forever — and this time, for the good.

I was literally blown away by a play called “Footloose: The Musical” . Apparently, this play is based on a film I haven’t seen — but now I want too! But seeing the show is the most profound experience of my life, except for the birth of my first son… Umm… You know what? I’m think I’m just gonna call him Footloose.

It’s about a kid who’s from Chicago. He goes to a small town. Now, in Chicago, he had no trouble dancing whenever he wanted too. Because this guy’s gotta dance, you know?

So, he goes to this small town and there’s this minister. And John Lithgow — he can be so evil! In the movie, he thinks dancing is a sin, you know? And in this town, they outlaw dancing. They actually outlaw dancing!

[ The lights on Home Base dim. ]

Bill Murray: How could you do that? Outlaw dancing in this country. This country was built upon the dance! It happens only here; now you know why we have to see this play!

Because what they tried to do to this kid — to lock him up. That’s the same feeling I got: Oh, My God! I was locked up! I didn’t have anything for you tonight… That’s what happened to me!

And when that kid’s on the stage!? Argh! The “big guy” keeps pushing the “little guy”! You know what I’m saying! They tried to “lock it up”!

[ The SNL Band starts playing Kenny Loggins’ “Footloose”.]

[ The lights return to their regular setting. ]

Bill Murray: [singing]
“You just gotta cut loose
Footloose!”

[ Bill is tossed a microphone OFF-SCREEN. ]

Bill Murray: [singing]
“Kick off your Sunday shoes
Please, Louise pull me offa my knees
Whoa, Milo c’mon, c’mon let’s go
Everybody everybody cut footloose!”

[ Bill drops to his knees, pops back up, and tosses away the microphone. ]

[ Cheers and applause from the audience. ]

[ Bill grabs the boom microphone over his head. ]

Bill Murray: Yeah, that’s right! Same thing happened to me that’s happening to you right now. C’mon, we don’t need any partisan grief! We got any Democrats here tonight? C’mon, let’s hear it!

[ The audience members to the right of Home Base cheer and applaud. ]

Bill Murray: Any Republicans? Any of you folks here tonight?

[ The audience members to the left of Home Base cheer and applaud. ]

Bill Murray: Footloose! Everybody’s gotta cut a little footloose tonight!

[ The SNL Band starts playing Ella Mae Bowen’s “Holding Out For a Hero”.]

[ Still holding the boom microphone, Bill climbs to the near top of Home Base. ]

Bill Murray: [singing]
“We need a hero
We’re holding out for a hero
Till the morning light.”

“He’s gotta be strong
He’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be larger than life
Larger than life.”

[ Bill climbs down, does a little dance, and is tossed back the microphone. He uses both it and the boom. ]

[ The SNL Band resumes playing “Footloose”.]

Bill Murray: We’ve got a great show! Lucinda Williams is here to sing for you!

Bill Murray: [singing]
“Footloose!
Kick off your Sunday shoes!”

[ Bill dances to the CAMERA, turns his head sideways, flicks his hair, and then dances offstage. ]

[ fade ]

Submitted by: Cody Downs

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