Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 24: Episode 18
Looking for Monica I
Barbara Walters……Cheri Oteri
[ applause ]
Molly Shannon: Oh my god, Ricky Martin is so cute.
Tim Meadows: I know… God, it’s crazy.
Molly Shannon: Yeah.
Tim Meadows: Oh, he’s so cute.
Barbara Walters: Pardon me. I’m… Barbara Walters. World-renowned celebrity journalist, veteran anchor, and co-host of the hard-hitting news magazine, 20/20. Can you tell me where I might find tonight’s host, Miss Monica Lewinsky?
Molly Shannon: Well, she’s not the host, actually.
Barbara Walters: You see, I have to return a pack of gum to her. She left it in her dressing room right after our highly-rated, exclusive interview, on ABC.
Tim Meadows: Well, um, I could give it to her if you want.
Barbara Walters: I prefer to see her in person.
Molly Shannon: Well… it’s just a pack of gum. I mean, she probably doesn’t even care.
Barbara Walters: For the love of Pete, quit grilling me, you hussy. [ gasp ] Aah.
Tim Meadows: Why da-, why do you wanna see her so bad?
Barbara Walters: If you must know, Tim, I have more questions to ask about the phone sex. You see, I’m in a long-distance relationship with Rupert Murdoch, and I’m ready to take it to the next level. So, I need her advice.
Molly Shannon: Hm, you know what? Maybe try the ninth floor dressing rooms.
Barbara Walters: Ninth floor dressing rooms.
Molly Shannon: Mm-hm.
Barbara Walters: Where are they?
Tim Meadows: Ninth floor.
Barbara Walters: Aah. [ walking away ]: Monica… Monica…
Submitted by: Ellis Mitchell