SNL Transcripts: Jerry Seinfeld: 10/02/99


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 25: Episode 1

This free script provided by]]>

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


October 2nd, 1999

Jerry Seinfeld

David Bowie


Dean Winters

Harold Perrineau

J.K. Simmons

Lee Tergesen

A.J. Benza

Rick Ludwin
Perot’s Reform PartySummary: Ross Perot (Cheri Oteri) yuks it up with Pat Buchanan (Chris Parnell) and other contenders vying to be his Reform Party candidate.

Recurring Characters: Ross Perot, Pat Buchanan, Donald Trump.



Jerry Seinfeld’s MonologueSummary: Jerry Seinfeld jokes about how he has spent his post-sitcom days doing nothing more than watching reruns of “Wings” on cable.


Dillon/Edwards InvestmentsSummary: Because the investment was slow in gaining an internet presence, they were stuck with the last remaining web domain – clownpenis.fart.


Morning LatteRecurring Characters: Tom Wilkins, Cass van Rye.


Mary Katherine GallagherSummary: Mary Katherine Gallagher (Molly Shannon) falls for a Jewish boy (Jerry Seinfeld) on the basketball court.

Recurring Characters: Mary Katherine Gallagher, Sean Patrick Flannery, Shelley Peterbuilt.


Javis Home Security SystemsSummary: A mother (Ana Gasteyer) catches a stranger (Will Ferrell) diapering baby.


Action 8 News WatchSummary: News anchors Connor Stands (Jerry Seinfeld) and Taffy Davenport (ana Gasteyer) dangle teasers without explanation.


Weekend Update with Colin QuinnSummary: >Weekend update’s Millennium profile rates sharks as having been highly influential in the last thousand years. Jerry Seinfeld debates Jerry Seinfeld (Jimmy Fallon) on The Gap.

Recurring Characters: Jerry Seinfeld.


David Bowie performs “Thursday’s Child”

OzSummary: While in prison, Jerry Seinfeld relives most of his classic sitcom conundrums.


1-800-EAT-SHITSummary: A motorist (Will Ferrell) dials the rude “How’s My Driving?” phone numbers and is surprised to reach actual operators on the extension.

…and a Pizza PlaceSummary: The leftover portion of a sitcom title tries to survive the new season on its own merit.

Recurring Characters: Andy Dick.


David Bowie performs “Rebel Rebel”

Keeping Him AliveSummary: To get a puke (Jerry Seinfeld) to talk, a thug (Will Ferrell) alternately kills and revives him.



SNL Transcripts

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments