SNL Transcripts: Jerry Seinfeld: 10/02/99



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 25: Episode 1


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


October 2nd, 1999

Jerry Seinfeld

David Bowie

None

Dean Winters

Harold Perrineau

J.K. Simmons

Lee Tergesen

A.J. Benza

Rick Ludwin
Perot’s Reform PartySummary: Ross Perot (Cheri Oteri) yuks it up with Pat Buchanan (Chris Parnell) and other contenders vying to be his Reform Party candidate.

Recurring Characters: Ross Perot, Pat Buchanan, Donald Trump.

Transcript

Montage

Jerry Seinfeld’s MonologueSummary: Jerry Seinfeld jokes about how he has spent his post-sitcom days doing nothing more than watching reruns of “Wings” on cable.

Transcript

Dillon/Edwards InvestmentsSummary: Because the investment was slow in gaining an internet presence, they were stuck with the last remaining web domain – clownpenis.fart.

Transcript

Morning LatteRecurring Characters: Tom Wilkins, Cass van Rye.

Transcript

Mary Katherine GallagherSummary: Mary Katherine Gallagher (Molly Shannon) falls for a Jewish boy (Jerry Seinfeld) on the basketball court.

Recurring Characters: Mary Katherine Gallagher, Sean Patrick Flannery, Shelley Peterbuilt.

Transcript

Javis Home Security SystemsSummary: A mother (Ana Gasteyer) catches a stranger (Will Ferrell) diapering baby.

Transcript

Action 8 News WatchSummary: News anchors Connor Stands (Jerry Seinfeld) and Taffy Davenport (ana Gasteyer) dangle teasers without explanation.

Transcript

Weekend Update with Colin QuinnSummary: >Weekend update’s Millennium profile rates sharks as having been highly influential in the last thousand years. Jerry Seinfeld debates Jerry Seinfeld (Jimmy Fallon) on The Gap.

Recurring Characters: Jerry Seinfeld.

Transcript

David Bowie performs “Thursday’s Child”

OzSummary: While in prison, Jerry Seinfeld relives most of his classic sitcom conundrums.

Transcript

1-800-EAT-SHITSummary: A motorist (Will Ferrell) dials the rude “How’s My Driving?” phone numbers and is surprised to reach actual operators on the extension.

…and a Pizza PlaceSummary: The leftover portion of a sitcom title tries to survive the new season on its own merit.

Recurring Characters: Andy Dick.

Transcript

David Bowie performs “Rebel Rebel”

Keeping Him AliveSummary: To get a puke (Jerry Seinfeld) to talk, a thug (Will Ferrell) alternately kills and revives him.

Transcript

GoodnightsTranscript

SNL Transcripts

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