Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 25: Episode 1
October 2nd, 1999
Perot’s Reform PartySummary: Ross Perot (Cheri Oteri) yuks it up with Pat Buchanan (Chris Parnell) and other contenders vying to be his Reform Party candidate.
Recurring Characters: Ross Perot, Pat Buchanan, Donald Trump.
Jerry Seinfeld’s MonologueSummary: Jerry Seinfeld jokes about how he has spent his post-sitcom days doing nothing more than watching reruns of “Wings” on cable.
Dillon/Edwards InvestmentsSummary: Because the investment was slow in gaining an internet presence, they were stuck with the last remaining web domain – clownpenis.fart.
Morning LatteRecurring Characters: Tom Wilkins, Cass van Rye.
Mary Katherine GallagherSummary: Mary Katherine Gallagher (Molly Shannon) falls for a Jewish boy (Jerry Seinfeld) on the basketball court.
Recurring Characters: Mary Katherine Gallagher, Sean Patrick Flannery, Shelley Peterbuilt.
Javis Home Security SystemsSummary: A mother (Ana Gasteyer) catches a stranger (Will Ferrell) diapering baby.
Action 8 News WatchSummary: News anchors Connor Stands (Jerry Seinfeld) and Taffy Davenport (ana Gasteyer) dangle teasers without explanation.
Weekend Update with Colin QuinnSummary: >Weekend update’s Millennium profile rates sharks as having been highly influential in the last thousand years. Jerry Seinfeld debates Jerry Seinfeld (Jimmy Fallon) on The Gap.
Recurring Characters: Jerry Seinfeld.
David Bowie performs “Thursday’s Child”
OzSummary: While in prison, Jerry Seinfeld relives most of his classic sitcom conundrums.
1-800-EAT-SHITSummary: A motorist (Will Ferrell) dials the rude “How’s My Driving?” phone numbers and is surprised to reach actual operators on the extension.
…and a Pizza PlaceSummary: The leftover portion of a sitcom title tries to survive the new season on its own merit.
Recurring Characters: Andy Dick.
David Bowie performs “Rebel Rebel”
Keeping Him AliveSummary: To get a puke (Jerry Seinfeld) to talk, a thug (Will Ferrell) alternately kills and revives him.