SNL Transcripts: Jerry Seinfeld: 10/02/99: Javis Home Security Systems

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 25: Episode 1

99a: Jerry Seinfeld / David Bowie

Javis Home Security Systems

Man…..Will Ferrell
Mother…..Ana Gasteyer

[ scene opens in a baby’s bedroom, as a man changes a baby’s diaper ]

Man: When it came time to change my first diaper, I was pretty nervous. What kind of wipes should I use? Should I powder his little bottom? What if there’s redness? Well, there’s one thing I wasn’t nervous about.. and that was my choice of diapers. Dry Baby Disposals are the best. Even I know that. [ looking down at the baby ] Right, little guy?

[ the baby’s mother suddenly walks in ]

Mother: Who the hell are you?!

[ the stranger jumps out the window, as mother rushes to the baby’s crib ]

Announcer: Javis Home Security Systems. Because there are a lot of dirty creatures.

Submitted by: Robert Wilczak

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