SNL Transcripts: Jerry Seinfeld: 10/02/99: Javis Home Security Systems

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 25: Episode 1


99a: Jerry Seinfeld / David Bowie

Javis Home Security Systems

Man…..Will Ferrell
Mother…..Ana Gasteyer

[ scene opens in a baby’s bedroom, as a man changes a baby’s diaper ]

Man: When it came time to change my first diaper, I was pretty nervous. What kind of wipes should I use? Should I powder his little bottom? What if there’s redness? Well, there’s one thing I wasn’t nervous about.. and that was my choice of diapers. Dry Baby Disposals are the best. Even I know that. [ looking down at the baby ] Right, little guy?

[ the baby’s mother suddenly walks in ]

Mother: Who the hell are you?!

[ the stranger jumps out the window, as mother rushes to the baby’s crib ]

Announcer: Javis Home Security Systems. Because there are a lot of dirty creatures.

Submitted by: Robert Wilczak

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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