SNL Transcripts: Jerry Seinfeld: 10/02/99: Javis Home Security Systems

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 25: Episode 1


99a: Jerry Seinfeld / David Bowie

Javis Home Security Systems

Man…..Will Ferrell
Mother…..Ana Gasteyer

[ scene opens in a baby’s bedroom, as a man changes a baby’s diaper ]

Man: When it came time to change my first diaper, I was pretty nervous. What kind of wipes should I use? Should I powder his little bottom? What if there’s redness? Well, there’s one thing I wasn’t nervous about.. and that was my choice of diapers. Dry Baby Disposals are the best. Even I know that. [ looking down at the baby ] Right, little guy?

[ the baby’s mother suddenly walks in ]

Mother: Who the hell are you?!

[ the stranger jumps out the window, as mother rushes to the baby’s crib ]

Announcer: Javis Home Security Systems. Because there are a lot of dirty creatures.

Submitted by: Robert Wilczak

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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