David Gregory…..Chris Parnell
Jennifer Lewis…..Cheri Oteri
Helen Gurley-Brown…..Ana Gasteyer
Calista Flockhart…..Rachel Dratch
Sarah from Illinois (on phone)…..Paula Pell

David Gregory: Good afternoon, welcome to “Crosstalk”, I’m David Gregory. Today’s topic jumps right off the cover of People magazine: How Thin is Too Thin? Are Hollywood’s leading ladies shrinking themselves down to a ridiculously unhealthy weight? Joining us from the Big and Beautiful Modeling Agency is plus-sized model and author, Jennifer Lewis. Jennifer, are these actresses too thin?

Jennifer Lewis: David, they are far too thin. Now, in my book, Shiny Hair, Pretty Eyes: Story of a Fat Girl, I talk about the dangers of glamourizing eating disorders. You see, I was a traditional model for years, and I was anorexic the whole time, David. It’s only after much therapy that I was able to eat again and maintain a healthy self-image.

David Gregory: It’s hard to imagine that you were once anorexic, Jennifer, because you’re so womanly now.

Jennifer Lewis: Thank you.

David Gregory: Such a full figure..

Jennifer Lewis: Thank you.

David Gregory: Compared to these actresses, you’re almost chubby..

Jennifer Lewis: Okay! Thanks! Now as I said, I am a plus sized model..

David Gregory: Yeah, you keep saying that. Now, what do you model? Is it like ponchos and shoes and berets?

Jennifer Lewis: Yes!

David Gregory: Alright. Also joining us, is former editor of Cosmopolitan magazine, Helen Gurley-Brown.

Helen Gurley-Brown: Thank you for having me, David. I just want to say that I don’t know what all the hubbub is. These girls look beautiful. I think we should embrace women of all types – thin women, slender women, tiny women, narrow women, svelte women.. there’s room for all of us on God’s green earth.

David Gregory: Well, amen to that. But, Helen, some people say that pictures in fashion magazines like Cosmo set up unrealistic expectations for young girls, and that leads to disorders.

Helen Gurley-Brown: Listen, I read Architectural Digest. It doesn’t make me want to be an office building. David, I’m 77 and I weigh 50 pounds. And I love food. I love to engage in sensous meals. For lunch today, I had a scallop and a packet of Sweet & Low. It was decadent.

Jennifer Lewis: [ shaking head ] No. No, see, that amount of food is not enough to sustain a healthy active woman. I mean, if you look at my book, David, you’ll see pictures of me at the height of my disorder. See, I was miserable. I was 85 pounds..

David Gregory: [ looking at book, purrs like a cat ] I’ll take it!

Jennifer Lewis: My hair was falling out..

David Gregory: Wow, these are some great shots. Who took them?

Jennifer Lewis: [ angry ] A nurse took them!

David Gregory: Wow.. well, they’re great. You know, if you airbrush out that IV, you could put post these on the Internet.

Jennifer Lewis: No, that’s not right!

David Gregory: Sure. These fragile, waifish, women are sexy. Extremely sexy. Like hot, wet, baby bird sexy. But are they healthy? Joining us now, from her set in Los Angeles, is a woman who’s been at the center of this controversy. Star of Fox’s “Ally McBeal”, Calista Flockhart. Calista, thank you for being with us today.

Calista Flockhart: You’re welcome, David.

David Gregory: Calista, how do you feel about all of this negative publicity?

Calista Flockhart: What I don’t understand is, why can’t a woman shed her baby fat without everyone thinking she’s starving herself to conform to some media-generated Hollywood aesthetic? I don’t have a problem with food. I’m just too busy to eat.

David Gregory: Okay, but does your gorgeous, perfect body put unnecessary pressure on fat young women like Jennifer?

Calista Flockhart: Women put pressure on themselves! I want a career and a husband and children, and I want passionate sex! And I want to be small enough to sleep in an envelope. I’m not asking for too much. I think I’m asking for just right.

David Gregory: Damn, you are a hottie. You make me feel big. [ catches his breath ] We have a call now from Sarah in Illinois. Sarah?

Sarah in Illinois (on phone): Hi. I just wanted to say that these women look sick. I want to know why you women do this to your bodies? But, more importantly, I want to know how you do it. Is there a specific diet, or a book I can read? What’s your secret?

Jennifer Lewis: It’s no mystery, Sarah. These ladies starve themselves.

David Gregory: Okay, I’m gonna interrupt you there, Jennifer, because I think you might be jealous, because maybe deep down, you’re fat. Helen, quickly, what’s your secret to staying thin and beautiful?

Helen Gurley-Brown: Well, actually David, I died six months ago. I’m finally at the weight I’ve always dreamed of. It’s luxurious.

David Gregory: Well, I think I’m in love. Let’s take a quick break!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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