Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 25: Episode 5
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:
November 13th, 1999
Garth Brooks
Chris Gaines
None
Lorne Michaels
Paula Pell
Special ReportSummary: Diane Carbonal (ana Gasteyer) is on the scene when a crazed gunman (Horatio Sanz) attacks NRA Headquarters.
Recurring Characters: Tom Brokaw, Diane Carbonal, Charlton Heston.
Montage
Garth Brooks’ MonologueSummary: Garth Brooks is secretly pleased to discover that Mango (Chris Kattan) has a crush on Chris Gaines.
Recurring Characters: Mango.
Today is Never YesterdaySummary: Secret agent 007, James Bond (Chris Parnell), learns that he has 107 venereal diseases, and must alert all his former conquests.
Recurring Characters: James Bond.
Transcript
The SmurfsSummary: NBC’s upcoming epic mini-series devotes itself to the lives of the blue cartoon creatures.
Recurring Characters: Celine Dion, Sean Connery, Al Pacino, Little Richard, Meat Loaf.
Transcript
Boston TeensSummary: Boston teenager Pat “Sully” Sullivan (Jimmy Fallon) fools around while his girlfriend Denise McDenna (Rachel Dratch) tries to get a job at Hillshire Farms.
Recurring Characters: Sully, Denise.
Transcript
Tracy Confronts GarthSummary: Tracy Morgan tells Garth Brooks that he thinks Chris Gaines is a queer.
Great Moments in Corporate HistorySummary: A slip-up while introducing the Warner-Lambert team ends their merger with American Home Products.
Transcript
Express FlowersSummary: Donny (Garth Brooks) can’t seem to create a card message to match the flowers he wants to send to his girlfriend.
Transcript
Weekend Update with Colin QuinnSummary: Weekend Update’s Millennium profile names basketball player Darryl Dawkins the Man Of The Millennium. Molly Shannon’s “The World is Crazy!!! commentary cites Julianna Margulies for leaving “ER.”
Transcript
Chris Gaines (Brooks) performs “Way Of The Girl”
MangoSummary: Garth Brooks reveals that Chris Gaines was just a ploy to get close to Mango (Chris Kattan).
Recurring Characters: Mango.
The Devil Can’t Write A Love SongSummary: After his girlfriend (Ana Gasteyer) leaves him, musician Milo Jenkins (Garth Brooks) decides to sell his soul for a hit single, but tone-deaf Lucifer (Will Ferrell) fails to be of any real assistance.
Transcript
Wilson’sSummary: Rude clerk Nadeen (Cheri Oteri) tells gift exchangers to “Simmer down now!”
Recurring Characters: Nadeen.
Transcript
Royal Deluxe IINote: Repeat from 09/24/77.
WXLU FaceliftSummary: A kids’ show motif fails as a newscast intro sequence.
Goodnights
