SNL Transcripts: Garth Brooks: 11/13/99: The Smurfs


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 25: Episode 5

99e: Garth Brooks

The Smurfs

Smurf #1…..Will Ferrell
Papa Smurf/Sean Connery…..Darrell Hammond
Grouchy Smurf/Al Pacino…..Chris Kattan
Hefty Smurf/Garth Brooks…..Garth Brooks
Meatloaf/Smurf…..Horatio Sanz
Little Richard/Smurf…..Tracy Morgan
Smurfette/Helan Bodham Carter…..Cheri Oteri
Celine Dion…..Ana Gasteyer


Announcer: This Fall, on NBC, prepare yourself for a historic miniseries event!

[Clips from other NBC miniseries are shown]

Announcer: With the magic of Merlin, the majesty of Noah’s Ark, and the wonder of Leprachans..

[Words appear on screen as he says them.]

Announcer: All in one epic story of Love, Betrayal, Mystery and War!

[Cut to forest clearing filled with Smurfs. One smurf leaps up, sword in hand]

Smurf #1: Fellow Smurfs! Today we fight the battle of our lives. If we go down [He draws his sword] we go down SMURFING!

[Smurfs cheer. Cut to THE SMURFS written in an impressive and Dramatic font.]

Announcer: THE SMURFS. A story as timeless as the Bible and as old as the A-Team.

[Cut to Sean Connery costumed as Papa Smurf]

Announcer: Starring Sean Connery as Papa Smurf.

[Cut to Smurfs gather around Papa Smurf around a fire.]

Papa Smurf/Connery: If we smurf, let the bastards be smurfs WHO SMURF US!

Smurfs: Yeah!

[Cut to Grouchy Smurf, played by Al Pachino]

Announcer: Al Pacino as Grouchy Smurf.

Grouchy Smurf/Pacino: Let me tell you somethin?! I?m just getting? smurfed up! Hoo-smurf-ha!

Announcer: And an all star cast featuring Garth Brooks..

[Cut to Garth Brooks as Hefty Smurf, who wears Roman armour, bending over the prone form of a smurf.]

Hefty/Garth Brooks: Don’t Smurf on me, man! Do not smurf on me!

[Reveal that the smurf he is leaning over is played by Meatloaf]

Announcer: Meatloaf..

Meatloaf/Smurf: There’s.. somethin’.. I gotta tell ya.

Hefty/Garth Brooks: What, What is it, my fri-

Meatloaf/Smurf: S..S..Smurf. [He dies.]


Announcer: And Little Richard.

[Cut to Little Richard.]

Little Richard/Smurf: Gather ’round, all you Smurfs! Because not everybody’s getting Smurfy! [Sings] A wap babaloobap a wapbamboo! [He starts singing Tutti Frutti while the smurfs dance around his piano.]

Announcer: It’s a story of war, Magic, and Love![Cut to Helena Bodham Carter as Smurfette, flipping her hair in slow-motion.] With Helena Bodham Carter as the woman who tore their world apart.

[Cut to Smurfette/Helena Bodham Carter and Hefty/Garth Brooks standing on a bridge together]

Hefty Smurf/Brooks: Oh, Smurfette, I hand to see you. I’m..I’m half out of my Smurf!

Smurfette/Bonham Carter: Oh Hefty, you big, manly Smurf! I want you to smurf me! Smurf me right now! I want you to Smurf all over my smurfs!

Hefty/Brooks: Oh, I want to smurf you every which-way! I’m gonna smurf you in your smurfing smurf!

[They kiss and embrace. Cut to Celine Dion singing an over dramatic version of the Smurf theme song. Superimposed over a forest scene.]

Announcer: And a stirring soundtrack by Academy Award winner Celine Dion!

Celine Dion: La la la la la la, la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la la la Smurf!

[Fade to THE SMURFS logo]

Announcer: An epic so grand, an event so memorable, it could only be called.. THE SMURFS.

[Disclaimer and sotto-voiced annoucment appear:]

Announcer: Due to pending legal action, Smurfs may be called Blurfs.

Submitted by: Ted Zoldan

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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