SNL Transcripts: Jennifer Aniston: 11/20/99: Pokemon Parents



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 25: Episode 6



99f: Jennifer Aniston / Sting

Pokemon Parents

Mom…..Jennifer Aniston
Dad…..Darrell Hammond

[ Little Doogie walks through the door upon returning from “Pokemon: The First Movie” ]

Dad: Tell us, Son: what did you think of the movie?

Doogie: [ bummed ] It was stupid!

Mom: Stupid? Well, what about your buddy Jaimie? What did he think of the movie?

Doogie: He liked it.

Dad: Yeah? I bet Jaimie was jealous when he saw your holographic Charizard, huh?

Doogie: Yeah, he traded me for it.

Dad: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.. You traded your holographic Charizard?

Mom: [ appalled ] But Charizard is the coolest Pokemon. And you traded it? For what? What, are you stupid? What did you get in return?

Doogie: These. [ holds up cards ]

Mom: [ grabbing the cards ] What are these? Let me see.. [ looks at card ] A Metapod. Great! Terrific! You know what its power is – it hardens. That’s really gonna help you in the battle to become a Pokemon master. [ tosses card, looks at next one ] Oh, and Magnamite – great! What a coup! [ tosses card ]

Dad: [ sarcastically ] I wonder how you ever talked Jaimie into giving up a Magnamite in exchange for a Charizard?

Mom: [ looking at next card ] Hey, and look here, honey – another Metapod! You can never have enough Metapods, can you, Doogie? [ tosses card, looks at next one ] Oh, well, at least you got a Diglett! He can’t change forms, his power is digging. Son, you are just a dumbass!

Dad: Son, she’s right. You’re a buffoon.

Mom: You know what? I’m gonna call Jaimie’s mother and get those cards back for you.

Doogie: I don’t care! I don’t even like Pokemon!
[ his parents gasp ]

Mom: Oh, that’s great. So you’re just gonna be the weird kid in school, is that it? Well, let me tell you something – it’s not fun being the outcast, okay? I didn’t like REO Speedwagon in school, and people thought I was strange. Luckily, I had a nice rack, so I was able to overcome it! What are you gonna do?

Dad: Son, you’re not good-looking like your mother. How do you expect to make friends?

Mom: I did not spend fourteen hours in labor so I could give birth to the stupid kid in school!

Dad: Honey, you’re absolutely right. He’s gonna be the creepy kid. He’s going to be the one everyone hates.

Mom: I can see it now – you’ll be 35, living in a trailer, smacking your Common Law wife; she’ll call the cops, they’ll show up, and find you in your meth lab. Is that what you want?

Doogie: No.

Mom: Well, you’d better get it together, Mister!

Dad: Son, your mother and I are just so disappointed in how you turned out. I think you’d better go to your room and think about being a normal kid. Okay?

[ Doogie goes to his room ]

Mom: And I’m gonna come in there and check on you! You’d better be reading that Harry Potter book!

Dad: [ sighing ] I’m not sure about this kid, Honey. I just wish we could trade him in.

Mom: Oh, wouldn’t that be cool? You know, we could get one of those Asian kids. I mean, they’ve got great powers, they’re quick learners, and they assimilate well.

Dad: Yeah, if only life was like Pokemon.

Mom: Yeah, if only..[ fade to black ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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