Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 25: Episode 7
And So This Is Chanukah
Lou Bega…..Tracy Morgan
Tori Amos…..Molly Shannon
Bing Crosby…..Chris Parnell
David Bowie…..Jimmy Fallon
Britney Spears…..Christina Ricci
Mariah Carey…..Cheri Oteri
Celine Dion…..Ana Gasteyer
Ricky Martin…..Chris Kattan
Announcer: Tonight, following the “Howard Stern Radio Show”, it’s awhole new holiday music special: “And So This Is Chanukah”. Come celebratethe Jewish Festival of Lights, with your favorite musical stars singing yourfavorite holiday songs – including Lou Bega, performing his hit single,”Chanukah #5″.
Lou Bega: [ singing ]“A little bit of Chanukah in my life..
A little bit of dreidel by my side.”A little bit of geld is all I need..
A little bit of macabe is what I see.”
Announcer: It’s the greatest Chanukah special ever! Withappearances by Dr. Dre, Andrea Bocelli, Korn, 98 Degrees, Amy Grant, MasterP, Waylon Jennings, and Blink-182. Featuring an original holiday balladsung by Tori Amos!
Tori Amos: [ singing ]“Excuse me, but can I be a Jew for a while?
you get to celebrate Chanukah, which last eight nights.
You get more presents than you do for Christmas,
but then again, you can’t eat pork.
And it’s been years.
Kosher all these..
Years go by, and I still feel Jewish..”
[ starts humping her piano and licking her microphone ]
Announcer: You won’t want to miss this sexy Chanukah ballad performed by D’Angelo!
D’Angelo: [ singing ]“Lemme tell you about this girl, maybe I shouldn’t..
I met her in Brooklyn, and we ate potato latkes.
My Chanukah baby, I get high off your lovin’,
Tell me what’s menorah.
I want your Chanukah bush.
I want your Chanukah bush.”
Announcer: Thid all-star holiday musical salute includesnever-before-seen footage of Bing Crosby and David Bowie performing theclassic “Little Dreidel Boy”.
Bing Crosby: Mr. B-b-b-bowie? How about you and me sing a littleholiday tune for the Hebrews?
David Bowie: Whatever you want, Bing..
Together: [ singing ]
“I have a little dreidel, a-rum-pa-pum-pum.
I made out clay, ba-rum-pum-pum, ba-rum-pum-pum, ba-rum-pum-pum..”
David Bowie: “Why am I singing.. with Bing Crosby?”
David Bowie: “We’re not Jewish..”
David Bowie: “This is messed up..”
Announcer: With an inspirational holiday prayer by Britney Spears,Mariah Carey, and Celine Dion.
Britney Spears: Okay, y’all.. Chanukah is special holiday, where we, as Christians, take time out to think about forgiving our Jewish friendsfor killing our Lord. Oh, and on December 12th, I’ll be appearing atSix Flags over Tulsa!
Mariah Carey: Um..Chanukah is a time to celebrate.. um.. what wehave as individuals. In my case, I celebrate my great hair, my great ass,and my reat right side of my face. [ shakes it ]
Celine Dion: To all my Jewish friends back in Quebec, I would liketo say, “Joyeaux Chanukah!” Not bad, eh? Huh?! Good, huh? You know, Iwill never forget the time I asked my mother, “What is Chanukah?”And she say, “Celine, it’s a holiday celebrated by people who own all themovie studio and the plane.” You go, girlfriend! Huh, pretty good, eh?
Announcer: It’s classic Jewish holiday music, performed by singerswho are allrepresented by Jewish management. Including Kid Rock,Shania Twain, Creed, Terence Trent D’Arby and Dixie Chicks. Along withyour favorite Latino Chanukah song, performed by Ricky Martin!
Ricky Martin: [ singing and dancing ]“Woke up in New York City, next door to a bagel shop.
What is a Chanukah dreidel, keeping work for a spinning top.
You eat potato pancakes for eight days and eight nights.
So come and celebrate this holy festival of lights.
Outside, inside out, let’s all dance the horah.
Happy Chanukah, come on light the menorah!
Announcer: “And So This Is Chanukah”. Presented by CBS and Target.It don’t get more Jewish than that!