Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 25: Episode 7
Who Wants To Eat?
Rajneesh Philbin…..Darrell Hammond
Sonja Kradevic…..Christina Ricci
Sonja’s Husband…..Chris Kattan
Rajneesh Philbin: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show! Helloonce again, everybody. It’s our third week, here in Koralla, andwe’re a smash hit! Can you believe it? Now, let’s meet ourfabulous contestants. [ contestants are shown ] Sianuk Mustafa fromBangladesh, Sonja Kradevic from Bosnia, and, from Ethopia, Kimba. Alright,now you know the format – the person who gets the following question rightin the quickest time will play for actual food! Here we go. “Placethe following symptoms of starvation in the correct order, starting withthe earliest: A. Cramping, B. Distended Belly, C. Hallucinations, D. ApathyToward Flies.” [ contestants select their answers ] Okay, now let’s seethe correct answer: [ D. A. C. B. ] And how did our contestants do? And..it looks like Sonja Karadevic is our winner! Come on over, Sonja! [ Sonjajumps up ] Nice to see you.
Sonja: This is exciting! I am very hungry.
Rajneesh Philbin: Yeah, well, you’re in the right place. Now, it sayshere, Sonja, that you live in Bosnia, but you recently left?
Sonja: Yes. There was terrible military aggression against theBosnian people. So I fled. Unfortunately, I sought refugee in Kosovo.
Rajneesh Philbin: Well, we all know how that turned out![ laughs uproariously ] Okay! Now, you now how the game is played – youstart with a bowl of rice, and you work your way up to the grand prize.Are you ready for the first question?
Sonja: Yes, I am, Rajneesh.
Rajneesh Philbin: “In America, which of the following food items aretraditionally thrown at the bride and groom after a wedding? Is it A. Rice,B. Peanuts, C. Pudding, or D. Cabbage?”
Sonja: Growing up, I have heard horrible tales about events wherethey throw rice.. but I never believed it.
Rajneesh Philbin: Heard it was rice? Pretty confident?
Sonja: I think so. “Rice.”
Rajneesh Philbin: Is that your final answer?
Sonja: [ hoping ] Yes, it is.
Rajneesh Philbin: It seems crazy.. but it is.. Rice!Well, congratulations, Sonja, you’ve own a bowl of rice! [ shows it to her ]
Sonja: Oh, wonderful.. can I have some?
Rajneesh Philbin: Well, you could. Or, you could keep going.
Sonja: It has been so long since I have eaten..
Rajneesh Philbin: But.. if you get the next question right,you’ll win a bag of wheat. Just think how many people in the village thatwill feed.
Sonja’s Husband: We could eat for a month with a bag of wheat, sweetie!
Sonja: [ sighs ] I will go for it.
Rajneesh Philbin: Alright. Here’s the next question: “Which actressportrayed Gloria on the 70’s sitcom ‘All in the Family’? Is it..”
Sonja:[ jumping in ] It’s Sally Struthers! I know that, it’s myfinal answer!
Rajneesh Philbin: You are correct! It’s Sally Struthers!
Sonja: She interviewed my village once!
Rajneesh Philbin: Yes, mine too. Alright, you’ve won a bag of wheat.
Sonja: Can I have it?
Rajneesh Philbin: Not yet! Don’t you want to win the grand prize -this tasty goat?
Sonja: The goat looks good.
Rajneesh Philbin: Indeed. Are you willing to risk the bag of wheatand the bowl of rice for a chance at the goat?
Sonja: [ to the audience ] Honey? What should I do?
Sonja’s Husband: I.. never eat.. meat.. Please.. go for it!
Sonja: [ to Rajneesh ] Ask the question.
Rajneesh Philbin: Alright. Here’s your chance to eat a goat. “Whatis the name of the disease where people refuse to eat because of a pathologicalfear of gaining weight? Is it A. Bulimia, B. Dysentery, C. Cholera, orD. Anorexia?”
Sonja: Hold on.. people starve themselves on purpose?! I’venever heard such things.
Rajneesh Philbin: This is for a goat. What’s your answer?
Sonja: You mean, they have food.. but they don’t eat it becausethey think they’re fat?
Rajneesh Philbin: That’s right.
Sonja: I’ve heard of Cholera.. and I have Dysentery – I know it’snot that. I’ll take a guess and say Bulimia.
Rajneesh Philbin: Bulimia? Is that your final answer?
Sonja: [ unsure ] Yes.
Rajneesh Philbin: [ pause ] I’m sorry, Sonja, but it’s Anorexia..you’ve lost it all!
Sonja: Can’t I have the rice?
Rajneesh Philbin: No, I’m sorry. We’re feeding it to the goat!
Sonja: Can’t I just smell it?
Rajneesh Philbin: No! That’s all the time we have. Joinus next time for “Who Wants To Eat?”