Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 25: Episode 7
Christina Ricci’s Monologue
Petina Ricci…..Rachel Dratch
Christina Ricci: Thank you very much, thank you. I’m really happy to be hosting “Saturday Night Live”. I’ve been a big fan of the show since I was little. My parents used to let me stay up and watch the original cast: David Spade, Adam Sandler, Tim Meadows.. yeah, they were awesome! And now I’m hosting. I can’t believe it.
I’ve never been in front of a live audience before. I’ve been making movies since I was eight. Well, actually, my sister and I made movies – because when you’re a child actor, you’re not allowed to work a full day. So I used to share all my parts with my twin sister Petina. So, in “Mermaids” and “The Addams Family”, that’s only half of me. The other half of the time, it was my twin. She’s here tonight. Petina, come up here. She never gets any credit, but she is my other half.[ Petina steps up, dressed simarily as Christina ]
Petina Ricci: Hi. Hi, I’m Petina Ricci.
Christina Ricci: I would do all the scenes with dialogue.
Petina Ricci: And I did all the scenes that were from far away.. or where the character is sleeping.. or if the character was getting hit by a car.
Christina Ricci: When we got old enough to work a full day, we tried to do the Olsen twins thing and work as a duo. We made one TV movie called “The Great Marmalade Caper: A Ricci Twins Mystery”.
Petina Ricci: Here’s a clip!
Clip begins. C and F are in overalls and pigtails, with skateboards in tow. Every time Christina has a line, Fatina mouths the words along with her, casting furtive glances at the camera.
Christina Ricci: Old lady Mackis must have hidden that marmalade somewhere. I’ll look in Winny’s garage, you look down by the creek.
Petina Ricci: We’ve got to find the key, I know. Where it might be! Christina, let’s hurry. I’m scared.[ clip ends; dissolve back to Home Base ]
Christina Ricci: After that, we decided as a family that.. um.. only I would continue acting.
Petina Ricci: I work at a dry cleaners.
Christina Ricci: And we’re both very happy.
Petina Ricci: Oppy hoppy, oobie da!
Christina Ricci: Hold on.. she’s talking to me in our secret twin language. [ to Petina ] Hooby gooby galala?
Petina Ricci: Flibby, gooby gooby, raggy, shogy.
Christina Ricci: [ to audience ] She says she’s actually not very happy. She hates her life, and she’s very jealous.
Petina Ricci: Flig flog, flo flu!
Christina Ricci: Okay, I’ll tell you what. I’ll let you tell them about the show. [ to audience ] Would that be alright with you if Petina finished the monologue?[ the audience agrees ]
Petina Ricci: We have got a great show. Tonight, for you, Beck! Is here. So stick around, we’ll be black!
Christina Ricci: Stick around, we’ll be right back.