SNL Transcripts: Jamie Foxx: 01/08/00: Blackjack’s Bitch


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 25: Episode 9

99i: Jamie Foxx / Blink-182

Blackjack’s Bitch

Aaron…..Will Ferrell
Blackjack…..Jamie Foxx
Bobo…..Tim Meadows
Chaco…..Horatio Sanz

[ open on exterior, prison, night ] [ dissolve to interior jail cell, four inmates lying asleep between two bunk cots ]

Aaron: [ on top right cot ] Hey! Blackjack! Psst! Blackjack? You awake?

Blackjack: [ on top left cot ] Who is that?

Aaron: It’s me — Aaron.

Blackjack: [ shakes his head ] Oh.. hey, man.. What’s wrong with you? You having trouble sleeping?

Aaron: Yeah. A little bit. [ pause ] Hey! Do you mind if I ask you a question?

Blackjack: Go ahead.

Aaron: Don’t you think the food here is bad?

Blackjack: Now, is that really what you want to ask me, man?

Aaron: [ shakes his head and smiles] Oh, Blackjack, you know me too well! Okay.. I’ll juat ask you, then. It’s just something that’s been on my mind for a while, and… maybe I’m just insecure, but — am I still your bitch?

Blackjack: Huh? Man, what kind of silly question is that? Of course you still my.. BITCH!

Aaron: [ surprised ] Really? You’re not just saying that because you know I want to hear it?

Blackjack: No, man, I’m not just saying that. I mean, everybody knows that, man — you Blackjack’s BITCH! Huh? I mean… that’s the way it’s ALWAYS been, and, as far as I know, that’s the way it’s always gonna be. Nothin’ gonna change that!

Aaron: [ slightly worried ] As far as you know?

Blackjack: Yeah, that’s what I said. [ Aaron frowns ] Why you lookin’ at me all crazy, man?

Aaron: What does “As far as you know“, mean?

Blackjack: Look, I don’t know, man. I just said it. Why you actin’ all… crazy?

Aaron: I don’t know! I — I — I just feel CRAZY sometimes, like I’m… gonna do something crazy! I just feel like you’re very distant from me sometimes.

Bobo: Hey, man, what’s goin’ on? Why y’all makin’ all that noise?

Aaron: Oh. I’m sorry, Bobo. It’s my fault.

Blackjack: Aaron, look — [ to Bobo ] aaron is actin’ all crazy and everything like that, man. He wants to know if I still consider him my bi-otch!

Bobo: Oh, come on, man! Everybody knows that Aaron is Blackjack’s bitch!

Aaron: Are — are you serious? People still say that?

Bobo: Oh, all the time!

Blackjack: See? That’s what I’m sayin’, man! I ain’t sayin’ it just to be nice! It’s the God’s honest truth, man. Plain and simple — You my BITCH!!

[ beneath Blackjack, Chaco wakes up ]

Chaco: [ in a high whisper ] Blackjack really means it, Aaron!

Aaron: Oh, Chaco? Did I wake you up, too? I feel awful!

Chaco: It’s alright, Aaron. Listen… I known Blackjack for a long time — longer than ANYBODY! Longer than Bobo… longer than Double-Man… even longer than Little Joe. Believe me, when he makes you his bitch, it’s FOREVER! [ pause ] Until he kills you. [ returns to sleep ]

Bobo: Straight up, you dumb white piece of ass!

Aaron: Hey! Easy, Bobo.

Bobo: I do NOT like you!

Aaron: You know what? When I really sit down and think about it… I think I just feel insecure ’cause — ’cause I watch you, Blackjack, and you’re sitting here talking with Chaco and Bobo, and you guys are laughing it up and having a great time and… and then you don’t to me in the same way, and it feels weird, really.

Blackjack: Hey, look, man, let me give it to you straight, man — sure, I have a good time with Bobo, and Chaco and everything, and we laugh it up, and we — we talk about prison stories that are boh entertaining… and grisly. But… the thing about it is, I don’t rap to them like I rap to you… but do I buy them presents? Huh? Who’s the guy who got you the toothbrush with the razor blade on the end of it? Huh?

Aaron: You can’t buy me.

Blackjack: I did buy you. I bought you from Hector for thirty cigarettes and a jug of toilet wine.

Aaron: [ he nods ] You’re right.

Blackjack: Hey, man, look — look, man, look — in the end… Aaron, you’re always gonna be my BITCH! Okay? And there ain’t NOBODY… gonna take that away… ’til I kill your ass!

Aaron: Oh, Blackjack! [ relieved ] I sometimes don’t know what to do with me! [ he chuckles ] Thanks for being so real, man.

Blackjack: No problem. Now, sweet dreams — BI-OTCHHHH!!

Chaco: I second that, little bitch!

Bobo: Yeah, you dumb, white little bitch!

Aaron: [ laughs ] Guys! I think I get the point!

[ they all laugh heartily and returns to sleep ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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