Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 25: Episode 9
A Special Message From John Goodman
Announcer: And now, a special message from former castmember John Goodman.
John Goodman: Thank you, Don Pardo. I think you made a mistake, though. I was never a castmember.
Announcer: Good Lord, you sure do hang out a lot for a guy who doesn’t work here.
John Goodman: Well, these last two years, I have hung out here whenever they needed me to play Linda Tripp in a sketch. It was revealed this week that Ms. Tripp has undergone some extensive plastic surgery. She’s also dyed her hair, had liposuction and lost over forty pounds. Now, many people feel she was driven to cosmetic surgery because she was relentlessly mocked by some late-night comedy show. I’ve always considered my impression more of an homage, but.. maybe she took it the wrong way. After seeing the photos, I got a call from Lorne Michaels saying that if I still wanted to play Linda Tripp, all I would have to do is lose some weight, and he would pay for the plastic surgery. Now, I love comedy, but there’s certain things I won’t do for a laugh, and losing forty pounds is one of them. But I’m still playing her! When Linda goes to jail in Maryland, look for me! In fact, I might even slap on another twenty! [ laughs manaically ]
Announcer: This has been a message from John Goodman.