SNL Transcripts: Jamie Foxx: 01/08/00: Hamburger Helper Antibacterial


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 25: Episode 9

99i: Jamie Foxx / Blink-182

Hamburger Helper Antibacterial

Salesman … Chris Parnell
Husband … Will Ferrell
Wife … Ana Gasteyer

[open on Husband and Wife walking down a grocery aisle] [Salesman runs up to them]

Salesman: Excuse me! Excuse me. What are you folks having for dinner tonight?

Wife: We’ve got some hamburger in the fridge.

Husband: Yeah.

Salesman: Oh! Great. How long’s it been there?

Wife: 5 days.

Husband: 2 days.

Salesman: [chuckles] Why don’t you try this? It’s new Hamburger Helper Antibacterial. Hamburger Helper Antibacterial combines a tangy tomato sauce, delicate spices, and Tristanex–a power antibacterial agent.

[graphic: (diphenyltristinate)]

This hamburger has been in the trunk of my car for over a week. Let’s add some Tristanex. Massage vigorously into the meat, add the noodles and seasoning, and simmer. [sniffs] That acrid smell means it’s working.

[graphic: Avoid prolonged contact with skin]

Even the freshest raw meat has it’s problems.

[graphic: e. coli 257.154]

But with Hamburger Helper Antibacterial, germ volume is cut almost in half.

[graphic: Reduced 37.99%]

Wife: [takes a bite] It stings a little at first, but then it’s really good.

Husband: Can I have more? … a lot more?

Announcer: Try Hamburger Helper Antibacterial. And say so long to salmonella with new Chicken Helper with chlorine bleach.

Submitted by: Mikemenn

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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