Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 25: Episode 9
Hamburger Helper Antibacterial
Salesman … Chris Parnell
Husband … Will Ferrell
Wife … Ana Gasteyer
[open on Husband and Wife walking down a grocery aisle] [Salesman runs up to them]
Salesman: Excuse me! Excuse me. What are you folks having for dinner tonight?
Wife: We’ve got some hamburger in the fridge.
Salesman: Oh! Great. How long’s it been there?
Wife: 5 days.
Husband: 2 days.
Salesman: [chuckles] Why don’t you try this? It’s new Hamburger Helper Antibacterial. Hamburger Helper Antibacterial combines a tangy tomato sauce, delicate spices, and Tristanex–a power antibacterial agent.[graphic: (diphenyltristinate)]
This hamburger has been in the trunk of my car for over a week. Let’s add some Tristanex. Massage vigorously into the meat, add the noodles and seasoning, and simmer. [sniffs] That acrid smell means it’s working.[graphic: Avoid prolonged contact with skin]
Even the freshest raw meat has it’s problems.
But with Hamburger Helper Antibacterial, germ volume is cut almost in half.[graphic: Reduced 37.99%]
Wife: [takes a bite] It stings a little at first, but then it’s really good.
Husband: Can I have more? … a lot more?
Announcer: Try Hamburger Helper Antibacterial. And say so long to salmonella with new Chicken Helper with chlorine bleach.
Submitted by: Mikemenn