SNL Transcripts: Jamie Foxx: 01/08/00: Hamburger Helper Antibacterial


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 25: Episode 9

99i: Jamie Foxx / Blink-182

Hamburger Helper Antibacterial

Salesman … Chris Parnell
Husband … Will Ferrell
Wife … Ana Gasteyer

[open on Husband and Wife walking down a grocery aisle] [Salesman runs up to them]

Salesman: Excuse me! Excuse me. What are you folks having for dinner tonight?

Wife: We’ve got some hamburger in the fridge.

Husband: Yeah.

Salesman: Oh! Great. How long’s it been there?

Wife: 5 days.

Husband: 2 days.

Salesman: [chuckles] Why don’t you try this? It’s new Hamburger Helper Antibacterial. Hamburger Helper Antibacterial combines a tangy tomato sauce, delicate spices, and Tristanex–a power antibacterial agent.

[graphic: (diphenyltristinate)]

This hamburger has been in the trunk of my car for over a week. Let’s add some Tristanex. Massage vigorously into the meat, add the noodles and seasoning, and simmer. [sniffs] That acrid smell means it’s working.

[graphic: Avoid prolonged contact with skin]

Even the freshest raw meat has it’s problems.

[graphic: e. coli 257.154]

But with Hamburger Helper Antibacterial, germ volume is cut almost in half.

[graphic: Reduced 37.99%]

Wife: [takes a bite] It stings a little at first, but then it’s really good.

Husband: Can I have more? … a lot more?

Announcer: Try Hamburger Helper Antibacterial. And say so long to salmonella with new Chicken Helper with chlorine bleach.

Submitted by: Mikemenn

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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