SNL Transcripts: Jamie Foxx: 01/08/00: Hillary Leaves the White House



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 25: Episode 9




99i: Jamie Foxx / Blink-182

Hillary Leaves the White House

President Bill Clinton…..Darrell Hammond
Hillary Clinton…..Ana Gasteyer
Vladmir Putin…..Will Ferrell

[ First-Lady Hillary Clinton is packing for her New York Senate campaign, while Bill talks on the phone ]

Hillary Clinton: Are you gonna help? The movers are waiting on me. Could you get up off your fat ass and help me pack these boxes?

President Bill Clinton: You know, Hillary, I would have helped you yesterday, but I had those peace talks in West Virginia. But I guess you moving is more important than peace for Syria.

Hillary Clinton: Well can you help me now?

President Bill Clinton: I wish I could, but I gotta call the new Russian president.

Hillary Clinton: Hmmph, how convenient.

President Bill Clinton: Trust me – it’s not like I don’t want to help you get on your way. [ into the phone ] Vladimir! Puttin’… Putin. Hey, how are you? Hey, it’s Bill Clinton. I was just callin’ to congratulate you.

Vladmir Putin: Well, it’s good to hear from you. I’m just getting rid of some of Yeltsin’s things. [ bottles on desk, picks one up at a time and tosses it into a box ]

President Bill Clinton: Well, you know, I am glad to hear you got that job. I thought because of your affiliation with the KGB, some people might be against you.

Vladmir Putin: [ assuringly ] Don’t worry. Those people are gone. Way gone, my friend.

President Bill Clinton: Well, I hope you win the election in March.

Vladmir Putin: Oh, I’ll win. I’ll win. My only competition is Gorbachev’s kid, Mikhail W. Gorbachev. Believe me, the Russian people aren’t stupid enough to vote for a guy just because he has his dad’s name.

President Bill Clinton: The American people are. [ laughs and holds a thumbs-up ]

Vladmir Putin: I know. And I just fired Yeltsin’s daughter. I’m trying to trim some of the fat.

President Bill Clinton: You should try Jenny Craig.

Vladmir Putin: Jenny Craig. Good one, I get it.

President Bill Clinton: [ laughing ] No, seriously, Putin, I’m concerned about the conflict in Chechnya.. [ Hillary picks up Bill’s Dilbert mug from his desk, breaking his concentration ] ..and I’m also concerned about my Dilbert mug. That stays here!

Vladmir Putin: [ confused ] Who’s Dilbert?

President Bill Clinton: I’m sorry. As I was saying. I must stress my concern about the crisis in Chechnya.

Vladmir Putin: Look, I know the war is wrong but it gives the Russian people a reason to feel proud.

President Bill Clinton: Well, I don’t think people should do something they know is wrong just because it makes them feel good. [ laughs, as Hillary gives him a dirty look ]

President Bill Clinton: [ groaning ] Oh.. not the look again. Not the look..

Hillary Clinton: I’m going to New York now.

President Bill Clinton: [ apethetic ] Okay. [ covering mouthpiece of phone ] Well, I’m sorry, it’s long distance.

Vladmir Putin: Do you need to go?

President Bill Clinton: [ to phone [ No, it’s cool.

Hillary Clinton: [ disgusted ] I’m leaving. I am leaving, and you won’t see me for two months. Don’t you even want to say goodbye?

President Bill Clinton: Goodbye.

Hillary Clinton: Is that it?

President Bill Clinton: [ holds his three middle fingers up ] Pick a finger. [ Hillary turns away, as Bill ends his phone call ] I’m sorry, I’m kidding. [ jumping up ] Honey, you’re my wife, and I need to give you a proper goodbye. I want you to come here. [ Hillary approaches Bill for a hug, but he pushes her back and gives her a handshake instead ] Good luck in all your future endevours.

Hillary Clinton: [ outraged ] Is that it?

President Bill Clinton: Yeah.. but, one last thing. [ to the camera ] Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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