Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 25: Episode 13
Voice of Mr. T…..Tracy Morgan
[ open on “All New Adventures of Mr. T” theme ]
Mr. T.: I’m back! And I need work![ cut to Mr. T. and three kids and dog walking through a back alley ]
Little Boy: Mr. T.? When can we eat?
Mr. T.: Don’t give me that jibber-jabber! We’ll eat when I get work!
Teenage Girl: But you haven’t worked in ten years.
Mr. T.: Shoulda stayed in school!
Teenage Boy: What’s that?
Mr. T.: [ reading ] “A Doll’s House. Opening next week.” Sounds like work!
Little Boy: Let’s check it out!
Mr. T.: Kids, follow me! And drink milk, work!
Male Actor: “..But, Nora, dearest, why do you look so stern?”
Female Actor: “I’ve been dreadfully wronged, Torvald. First by Papa, and then by you.”
Mr. T.: [ interrupting ] Alright, let’s go! I’m here to work!
Director: Excuse me?
Mr. T.: Put me in the show, fool! And don’t do drugs!
Director: But these aren’t auditions. We’re here for the rehearsals..
Mr. T.: I got no time for the jibber-jabber! I wanna be Torvald, sucker!
Male Actor: But he’s not right for Torvold.
Mr. T.: Shut up, fool! I need work! [ to Director ] You got achoice, Jack: you either make me Torvold, or you hurt!
Stagehand: Alright, Sir, let’s go.. [ grabs Mr. T’s shoulders ]
Mr. T.: I’ll squash that bug! [ tosses Stagehand across the rowof seats ] Rehearse this, fool! [ squashes two actors’ headstogether ] [ Director runs off ]
Little Boy: He’s getting away![ Mr. T and the Teenaged Boy and Girl fling from the girders and land on the Director’s back, stopping him ]
Mr. T.: Next time, stay in school!
Director: [ confused ] What?![ Mr. T picks up the Director and tosses him into the set, smashing it to pieces ]
Female Actor: But.. we rehearsed..
Mr. T.: Stop jibber-jabbering, and start acting![ cut to Opening Night, Mr. T in his dressing room with the kids ]
Teenage Boy: The show was really great, Mr. T!
Mr. T.: You gotta respect the writer! Henrik Ibsen’s a tough dude! Eat all your greens!
Little Boy: And they all doubted you.
Mr. T.: Let that be a lesson to all the Gary Burghoffs, JoeyLawrences, Tina Yotherses, and George “Goober” Lindsays! If you believe in yourself, drink your school, stay in drugs, and don’t do milk – you can get work! [ dog barks ] Alright, maybe not Gary Burghoff![ they all share a hearty laugh, as the cartoon ends ]