SNL Transcripts: Ben Affleck: 02/19/00: Ben Affleck’s Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 25: Episode 13

99m: Ben Affleck / Fiona Apple

Ben Affleck’s Monologue

…..Ben Affleck
…..Gwyneth Paltrow

Ben Affleck: It’s great to be in New York, and I’m excited to be hosting “Saturday Night Live”! I’ve been a fan of the show my entire life.. in fact, I was on the show, last year, when Gwyneth Paltrow hosted. When Gwyneth was doing her monologue, I stood up and asked a question, and I got a laugh. I thought it was a pretty big laugh. I guess it was big enough to be asked back to host. And it was fun, and I was there to support her. And I’m just happy to say that she came back to support me! [ walks into audience to point out Gwyneth Paltow in the front row ]

Gwyneth Paltrow: You’re doing great!

Ben Affleck: Thanks for coming. [ he kisses her, then returns to center stage, where Gwyneth follows ] Oh, you’re coming up here? Great. That’s great.

Gwyneth Paltrow: Why? Do you not want me here?

Ben Affleck: No, really, of course. I’m glad you’re here. Thanks for your support. It’s terrific.

Gwyneth Paltrow: You want me to leave?

Ben Affleck: No!

Gwyneth Paltrow: Are you sure?

Ben Affleck: Yeah! No! I’m thrilled that you’re here, it’s great. I’m thrilled!

Gwyneth Paltrow: You don’t really seem thrilled.

Ben Affleck: I’m really, really, really glad that you’re here. It’s just that when I was here I stayed in the audience.. but I’m happy that you’re here. I’m glad you came on.

Gwyneth Paltrow: Right. This is your night, and you want me to sit down?

Ben Affleck: No, no, no, no, no! I mean, eventually, yeah. I’m just saying it’s like when you won your Oscar. I stayed in my seat, it was cool, I let you have your moment, because I already knew what it felt like to win an Oscar.

Gwyneth Paltrow: Yeah, that’s right, you did win – for writing. God, it’s really exciting to stand there all alone, isn’t it?

Ben Affleck: I won mine with Matt, we were both up there.

Gwyneth Paltrow: Well, that’s still good!

Ben Affleck: Great! I’ll see you after the show! [ tries to push her off the stage ]

Gwyneth Paltrow: I just thought you looked a little lost..

Ben Affleck: No, I think it was going pretty good.. right up until now.

Gwyneth Paltrow: Okay. You know what? You are doing great. I’m sure with your writing skills, you’re gonna do a great show.

Ben Affleck: Now, I didn’t write the show.

Gwyneth Paltrow: Yeah, I know, because Matt’s not here.
Ben Affleck: Thanks! Thanks alot! Anything else you want to say?

Gwyneth Paltrow: Well, I don’t know if the audience wants to hear anything more from me.. [ audience applauds loudly ] Really?! Ben has a great show for you – Fiona Apple is here! Stick around, Ben’s gonna be right back!

Ben Affleck: I wanted to say that..

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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