SNL Transcripts: Joshua Jackson: 03/11/00: Wedding Singers



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 25: Episode 14



99n: Joshua Jackson / *NSYNC

Wedding Singers

Groom…..Joshua Jackson
Wedding Singer #1…..Will Ferrell
Wedding Singer #2…..Horatio Sanz
Bride…..Molly Shannon

Groom: [hitting glass to propose toast] Excuse me, everyone, can I have your attention please. First of all, I would just like to take the time to sincerely thank everyone for coming today. But, before we go any further, I would like to give a toast to my beautiful, beautiful wife Denise. [applauding by guests] Honey, its hard to believe we only met three years ago.

Wedding Singer #1: [singing “I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight” by the Cutting Crew] I, I just died in your arms tonight…

Wedding Singer #2: [singing same song] …Must’ve been something you said.

Groom: Guys, guys, guys

Wedding Singer #1: Sorry, way too early

Wedding Singer #2: Our bad, sorry about that

Wedding Singer #1: Sorry, man

Groom: Anyway, Denise, when I look back at the three years we’ve known each other, I realize that I am the luckiest guy in the world.

Bride: Awww, sweetie

Groom: In fact–

Wedding Singer #1: [singing “I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight” by the Cutting Crew] I, I just died in your arms tonight…

Wedding Singer #2: [singing same song] …Must’ve been something you said.

Wedding Singer #1: I know, too early again, sorry.

Wedding Singer #2: A little trigger happy, we’ll get it.

Wedding Singer #1: We’ll get it.

Groom: As I was saying honey–

Wedding Singer #1: [singing “I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight” by the Cutting Crew] I, I just died in your arms tonight…

Wedding Singer #2: [singing same song] …Must’ve been something you said.

Groom: OH, C’MON! Did you listen to anything I said? I mean really, when to come in, any of that?

Bride: Honey, did you actually pick that song, because you know that’s really not our song.

Groom: No, of course I didn’t. Guys, you were supposed to play the Louie Armstrong song.

Wedding Singer #1: Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Wedding Singer #2: No way man, no way man.

Wedding Singer #1: Listen, you told us very clearly over the phone that you wanted I Just, in parentheses, Died in Your Arms Tonight, by the Cutting Crew, and I will take that to the GRAVE with me!

Groom: Honey, I didn’t pick that song. Why would I pick that song?

Wedding Singer #2: Well, it doesn’t matter what ya say, because I wrote it down on a piece of paper.

Wedding Singer #1: Yes, he did, which he is getting now. And you will be very sorry, he has it.

Wedding Singer #2: Here it is.

Wedding Singer #1: Very sorry, indeed.

Wedding Singer #2: Here we go.

Wedding Singer #1: Here we go.

Wedding Singer #2: [unfolds paper and reads:] “Peter Schenkel wedding”

Wedding Singer #1: I believe thats you, ok.

Wedding Singer #2: [continues reading:] “2:45 PM”, which is right about now, “please play Louie Armstrong song after I have completed my toast and cued you by saying, ‘Hit it guys’.”

Wedding Singer #1: We apologize, that’s not the way we like to do business. I’m sorry everyone had to see that.

Wedding Singer #2: Sorry ’bout that.

Groom: You know what, could you just play the Louie Armstrong song, and we’ll continue.

[awkward pause]

Wedding Singer #2: We don’t know it.

Wedding Singer #1: We just learned the Cutting Crew song.

Groom: Oh, You’ve got to be kidding me!

Wedding Singer #1: Hey, we messed up! We don’t know the song. Yelling at us is not gonna make us know it.

Wedding Singer #2: [angry] And let me let you in on a little somethin’. I have anger control problems! So, I suggest you grow up and learn some manners!

Groom: I paid you guys an extra 600 dollars to learn that song.

Wedding Singer #1: Fine, would it help if we gave the money back?

Groom: Yes, it would!

Wedding Singer #1: Cause we don’t have it!

Wedding Singer #2: Spent it, long time ago! We spent it a long, long time ago!

Wedding Singer #1: As soon as we got your check we blew it, hard!

Wedding Singer #2: Spent it, and blew it!

Groom: SHUT UP! YA KNOW, I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE!

Wedding Singer #1: EVERYONE NEEDS TO SHUT UP!

Wedding Singer #2: SHUT UP!

Groom: YOU GUYS SHUT UP!

Wedding Singer #1: YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

Groom: YOU’VE RUINED MY WEDDING!

Bride: Honey, just sit down, and relax, and let them play the Cutting Crew song.

Wedding Singer #2: BEST IDEA I HEARD ALL DAY!

Groom: Fine, ok, yeah, fine. That’s great. You guys go crazy.

Wedding Singer #1: [singing “I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight” by the Cutting Crew] I, I just died in your arms tonight…

Wedding Singer #2: [singing same song] …Must’ve been something you said.

[awkward pause]

Wedding Singer #1: That’s it, that’s all we know.

Wedding Singer #2: Sorry, dude.

[Groom jumps over table to attack singers, as they escape.]

Submitted by: Ben Brophy

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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