Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 25: Episode 16
Elian, the Cuban Boy!
Lead Immigrant…..Molly Shannon
Fidel Castro…..Christopher Walken
Sandra Millheart…..Ana Gasteyer
Elian Gonzalez…..Rachel Dratch
Juan Gonzalez…..Chris Kattan
Janet Reno…..Will Ferrell
OPEN ON: VIDEOTAPE OF THE LION KING GRAPHIC. MUSIC PLAYING UNDER.
Announcer: From the people who brought you The Lion King!
CUT TO: VIDEOTAPE OF AIDA GRAPHIC
Announcer: And the new musical Aida!
INT. BROADWAY STAGE
Mostly black. A bunch of ragtag Cuban immigrants packed in a cheap boat. Thunder and lightning booms behind them.
Announcer: Comes the story of one boy and his fight for freedom!
Immigrants: [singing]“This boats a rockin
And it lookin pretty bad
We aint gonna make it
But we gotta save the lad
Save the boy!
Lead Immigrant: [singing]”Save Eliaaaan!”
CUT TO: ELIAN, THE CUBAN BOY! LOGO
Announcer: Elian, The Cuban Boy! With the magnificent Christopher Walken as the evil Fidel!
Fidel Castro: [singing]“One little boy
In a tiny little boat
Hes making a mockery
I will catch him
And show him
Fidel can be meaner
Than the sea!
Yes Fidel can be meaner
Than the sea!”
Castro laughs. SANDRA MILLHEART ENTERS. A spotlight shines on her.
Announcer: and the angelic Sandra Millheart as the kind hearted American relative who risked it all to save a boy
Sandra Millheart: [singing]“This is my boy
He belongs to me
Im going to steal him
If I cant have him
Announcer: An epic battle between good and evil.
Fidel Castro: [singing]“I want to kill him!”
Sandra Millheart: [singing]“He loves America.”
Fidel Castro: [singing]“Ill stop at nothing!”
Sandra Millheart: [singing]“I took him to Old Navy.”
Fidel Castro: [singing]“Hes gonna be a Commie.”
Sandra Millheart: [singing]“His favorite show is Kids Say the Darndest Things.”
ELIAN GONZALEZ, wearing oversized overalls and a baseball cap, holds a football.
Announcer: Introducing David Mack Wilson as the lovable Elian Gonzalez!
Elian Gonzalez: [singing]“I dont wanna go home
I just want to play football
I gotta a buncha new pals
And a frog in my pocket!”
JANET RENO & JUAN GONZALEZ, sit side by side on Renos desk.
Announcer: With Richard Kyle Pierce as Juan Gonzalez and a special appearance by Attorney General Janet Reno.
Janet Reno: [singing]“Theres a sacred bond
Between father and son
I will uphold the law
Until the deed is done.”
Juan Gonzalez: [singing]“My boy Elian
Weve been so long apart
And you Janet Reno
Have lifted my heart.”
Both: [singing]“Oh look at us
Arent we a pair?
We want whats best for the boy
But in all the madness
We found each other
And I fell in love with you.”
Announcer: Come join Elian and his magic dolphin as they fly through the sky over our great, free land.
Elian Gonzalez: [singing]“In every man
Theres a little boy
Just waiting to be free
I know its true
Cause I had a dream
And in that dream was meeee !!!”
Announcer: If youve ever loved a boy, this is a boy for all time! Elian, The Cuban Boy! The entire cast is grouped together.
Submitted by: Cody Downs