SNL Transcripts: Christopher Walken: 04/08/00: Elian, the Cuban Boy!


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 25: Episode 16

99p: Christopher Walken / Christina Aguilera

Elian, the Cuban Boy!

Announcer…..Darrell Hammond
Lead Immigrant…..Molly Shannon
Fidel Castro…..Christopher Walken
Sandra Millheart…..Ana Gasteyer
Elian Gonzalez…..Rachel Dratch
Juan Gonzalez…..Chris Kattan
Janet Reno…..Will Ferrell


Announcer: From the people who brought you “The Lion King”!


Announcer: And the new musical “Aida”!


Mostly black. A bunch of ragtag Cuban immigrants packed in a cheap boat. Thunder and lightning booms behind them.

Announcer: Comes the story of one boy and his fight for freedom!

Immigrants: [singing]“This boat’s a rockin’
And it lookin’ pretty bad
We ain’t gonna make it
But we gotta save the lad
Save the boy!”

Lead Immigrant: [singing]”Save Eliaaaan!”


Announcer: Elian, The Cuban Boy! With the magnificent Christopher Walken as the evil Fidel!

Fidel Castro: [singing]“One little boy
In a tiny little boat
He’s making a mockery
Of meeeeee!
I will catch him
And show him
Fidel can be meaner
Than the sea!
Yes Fidel can be meaner
Than the sea!”

Castro laughs. SANDRA MILLHEART ENTERS. A spotlight shines on her.

Announcer: …and the angelic Sandra Millheart as the kind hearted American relative who risked it all to save a boy…

Sandra Millheart: [singing]“This is my boy
He belongs to me
I’m going to steal him
If I can’t have him…

Announcer: An epic battle between good and evil.

Fidel Castro: [singing]“I want to kill him!”

Sandra Millheart: [singing]“He loves America.”

Fidel Castro: [singing]“I’ll stop at nothing!”

Sandra Millheart: [singing]“I took him to Old Navy.”

Fidel Castro: [singing]“He’s gonna be a Commie.”

Sandra Millheart: [singing]“His favorite show is Kids Say the Darndest Things.”

Both: [singing]“Elian!!”

ELIAN GONZALEZ, wearing oversized overalls and a baseball cap, holds a football.

Announcer: Introducing David Mack Wilson as the lovable Elian Gonzalez!

Elian Gonzalez: [singing]“I don’t wanna go home
I just want to play football
I gotta a buncha new pals
And a frog in my pocket!”

JANET RENO & JUAN GONZALEZ, sit side by side on Reno’s desk.

Announcer: With Richard Kyle Pierce as Juan Gonzalez and a special appearance by Attorney General Janet Reno.

Janet Reno: [singing]“There’s a sacred bond
Between father and son
I will uphold the law
Until the deed is done.”

Juan Gonzalez: [singing]“My boy Elian
We’ve been so long apart
And you Janet Reno
Have lifted my heart.”

Both: [singing]“Oh look at us
Aren’t we a pair?
We want what’s best for the boy
We dooooo…
But in all the madness
We found each other
And… I fell in love with you.”

[ They kiss. Elian’s now riding a dolphin. ]

Announcer: Come join Elian and his magic dolphin as they fly through the sky over our great, free land.

Elian Gonzalez: [singing]“In every man
There’s a little boy
Just waiting to be free…
I know it’s true
‘Cause I had a dream
And in that dream was meeee…!!!”

Announcer: If you’ve ever loved a boy, this is a boy for all time! “Elian, The Cuban Boy!” The entire cast is grouped together.

All: [singing]“Elian!”

Submitted by: Cody Downs

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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