SNL Transcripts: Christopher Walken: 04/08/00: Fonzie




 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 25: Episode 16









99p: Christopher Walken / Christina Aguilera

Fonzie

Fonzie…..Christopher Walken
Richie Cunningham…..Will Ferrell
Potsi…..Chris Kattan
Chachi…..Jimmy Fallon
Announcer…..Chris Parnell

[ FADE IN: ] [ VARIOUS WORDS & TITLES CROSS THE SCREEN ]

Announcer: From the mind of Milos Forman, the acclaimed director of “The People vs. Larry Flynt” and “Man on the Moon”, comes another gripping true-life story of human redemption.

INT. BATHROOM

[ The FONZ gazes into a dirty vanity mirror. ]

Fonzie: You can win! You work in a garage, sure – but you’re more than that.

[ FREEZE FRAME ]

Announcer: The story of one, small-time ‘hood, who went on to become one of the most famous men in the world.

Fonzie: Everybody looks up to you. You come from nothing, now, you own this town. Get out there and show them who you are!

[ The Fonz goes to put his leather jacket. ]

Announcer: Christopher Walken is… Fonzie!

Fonzie: Aaaaeeeyyy!

INT. ARNOLD’S DRIVE-IN

[RICHIE CUNNINGHAM gives POTSI an icy glare. ]

Announcer:…with David Caruso as Richie Cunningham

Richie Cunningham: You listen to me – I’m tired of your mouth, BUCKO!

Announcer: …Al Pacino as Potsi…

Potsi: Don’t you get, Rich — God gave me something SPECIAL! I can SING!

Announcer: A motion picture which lays bare the picture of the human soul.

Fonzie: Both of yousz – sit on it!

[ A FIST SWOOSHS ACROSS AND POUNDS THE JUKEBOX ]

Announcer: Fonzie – a stock portrait of a man unwilling to face his own fallibility.

Fonzie: Look, I admit it – I made a mistake! I was wrrrooooogh!

[ A SWITCHBLADE COMB FLIES OPEN ]

Announcer: Fonzie – the stirring story of a garage mechanic who once jumped a tiger shark on water skis.

INT. BATHROOM

[ Fonzie shadows over CHACHI as she ties a rubber tourniquet and holds a syringe in her other hand. ]

Announcer: …with a special uncredited performance by Hilary Swank as Chachi.

[ Jimmy starts chuckling. ]

Chachi: Don’t you get, Fonz? This stuff makes me feel good, ya know? Like nothing ever did before – not you, not Al, not Jenny Piccolo, not the Malachi Bros. – nobody! You want to take that away from me!!

[ Fonzie looks directly into the CAMERA ]

Fonzie: Correctamundo!

[ SUPER: THE NEW YORK TIMES LOGO ] [ INSERT AUTHOR’S NAME & QUOTE ]

Announcer: Stephen Holden of The New York Times calls “Fonzie” a ‘cinematic experience so moving you’ll be ‘sitting on it’ for weeks afterward…’

INT. ARNOLD’S DRIVE-IN

[ Fonzie looms over the jukebox. ]

Announcer: “Fonzie” – a dark look into the torment of the coolest man in Milwaukee…

[ Walken asks for a stage direction then starts crying. ]

Fonzie: WHAT AM I!? WHAT HAVE I BECOME!? I call a men’s room “my office”! I own three articles of clothing!

[ Fonzie pulls out his switchblade comb. ]

Fonzie: I use a switchblade comb for a knife… for Christ’s Sake! And I’m not kidding!

Announcer: The pain of being a hero…

[ CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON FONZIE ]

Fonzie: I spent my whole life masking other people happy, but what about me!?!?!? Where are my “Happy Days”!? WHERE ARE MY “HAPPY DAYS”!?

[ UNFOCUSED IMAGE ] [ BLACK SCREEN ] [ SUPER: “Fonzie” – The heartache of one human soul… ]

Announcer: “Fonzie” – The heartache of one human soul… Aaaaeeeyyy!

[ end ]

Submitted by: Cody Downs

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

avatar
  Subscribe  
Notify of