SNL Transcripts: Christopher Walken: 04/08/00: Viagra

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 25: Episode 16

99p: Christopher Walken / Christina Aguilera


Chris…..Christopher Walken
Janine…..Ana Gasteyer
Petite Wife…..Tina Fey

[ open on Chris and Janine lounging in front of an open fire in their living room ]

Chris: In a marriage.. intimacy.. is important. Erectile Dysfunction.. is a thief. It takes away something, that’s very precious. When I first experiences Erectile Dysfunction.. I was afraid, and confused. Then, I heard about Viagra. It worked. It worked a lot. Now.. things are the way they used to be.. for Janine and me. We’re doin’ it like bunnies.

[ cut to close-up of Janine, as she smiles with wan regret ]

Chris: Thanks, Viagra.

[ cut to chubby couple in a spinning embrace ]

Chubby Woman: [ as she spins past the camera, and scowls ] Thanks a lot.

[ cut to attractive black woman adjusting flowers in a vase, as her chubby husband moves in from behind and gives her a tight squeeze ]

Black Woman: [ to the camera ] Thank you very much.

[ cut to old couple dancing ]

Old Woman: [ unable to get away, faces the camera ] Yeah. Thanks.

[ cut to younger couple, man with his arm wrapped around his petite wife ]

: [ disgruntled ] Yeah. Thanks for this.

[ cut to attractive young woman lying in bed wearing a silky negligee, as her much older husband crawls across the sheets and grips her shoulder ]

Attractive Woman: Gee. Thanks, Viagra.

[ she turns the lights off ] [ fade to black, then fade up on overhead shot of couple dancing on a checkerboard floor ] [ dissolve to close-up of Janine’s hands pouring Viagra pills down the toilet ]

Chris (voice): Honey?

Janine (voice): I’ll be right there!

[ dissolve to title card ]

Announcer: Ask your doctor about Viagra.

[ fade ]

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