Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 25: Episode 16
Petite Wife…..Tina Fey
[ open on Chris and Janine lounging in front of an open fire in their living room ]
Chris: In a marriage.. intimacy.. is important. Erectile Dysfunction.. is a thief. It takes away something, that’s very precious. When I first experiences Erectile Dysfunction.. I was afraid, and confused. Then, I heard about Viagra. It worked. It worked a lot. Now.. things are the way they used to be.. for Janine and me. We’re doin’ it like bunnies.[ cut to close-up of Janine, as she smiles with wan regret ]
Chris: Thanks, Viagra.[ cut to chubby couple in a spinning embrace ]
Chubby Woman: [ as she spins past the camera, and scowls ] Thanks a lot.
Black Woman: [ to the camera ] Thank you very much.[ cut to old couple dancing ]
Old Woman: [ unable to get away, faces the camera ] Yeah. Thanks.[ cut to younger couple, man with his arm wrapped around his petite wife ]
: [ disgruntled ] Yeah. Thanks for this.[ cut to attractive young woman lying in bed wearing a silky negligee, as her much older husband crawls across the sheets and grips her shoulder ]
Attractive Woman: Gee. Thanks, Viagra.[ she turns the lights off ] [ fade to black, then fade up on overhead shot of couple dancing on a checkerboard floor ] [ dissolve to close-up of Janine’s hands pouring Viagra pills down the toilet ]
Chris (voice): Honey?
Janine (voice): I’ll be right there!
Announcer: Ask your doctor about Viagra.[ fade ]