SNL Transcripts: Tobey Maguire: 04/15/00: Inside The Actor’s Studio



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 25: Episode 17



99q: Tobey Maguire / Sisqo

Inside The Actor’s Studio

James Lipton…..Will Ferrell
Dustin Diamond…..Tobey Maguire

James Lipton: In going through the list of great characters… few come to mind. Blanche Dubois, from “Streetcar Named Desire”.. Willy Loman, from “Death of a Salesman”.. and, of course.. Screech, from “Saved By The Bell”. That actor is with us today. Please join me in welcoming.. Mr. Dustin Diamond.

[ Dustin Diamond enters the set, grimacing like a buffoon ]

James Lipton: The character.. the character of Screech. Where did he come from?

Dustin Diamond: A place inside me! There’s a Screech inside all of us, but.. mostly, it’s a funny voice!

James Lipton: In 1992.. a made-for-television film came out that changed the face of American cinema. That film, of course, is “Saved By The Bell: Hawaiian Style”. If you haven’t seen it, do yourself a favor and see the greatest film EVER! In the history.. of the world. In that piece.. you were kidnapped by the Pupuku clan. How did you prepare for that?

Dustin Diamond: Well, I’d like to say that I studied a lot for that part – you know, reading stuff on Hawaii – but.. we just had fun. I do this thing in my head, I.. pretend to put on a funny hat.. and then I just get crazy!! [ laughs like a moron ]

James Lipton: In that picture.. Kelly’s grandfather invites the entire gang to Hawaii for summer holiday.

Dustin Diamond: Yes! The thing about that-

James Lipton: [ interrupting ] They expect a marvelous time at the beach, sans Mr. Belding. They arrive.. and discover Mr. Bedling is there as well, don’t they?

Dustin Diamond: Yes! Yes, he is! [ cracking up ] They didn’t think he was gonna be there, but he is! That’s the ,b>twist part! [ laughs ]

James Lipton: You.. are a delight! [ breaks into a boisterous guffaw ]

Dustin Diamond: Thank you! [ with nothing else to do, joins Liptin in his boistorous guffaw ]

James Lipton: [ finally ] In 1993, Dustin leaves the “DSaved By The Bell” series, to stretch his acting chops, if you will.. and, in 1994, he found a role that suited him. That of an administrative assistant to a high school principal.. in “Saved By The Bell: The New Class”. If you want to see an actor practice his craft at the highest level.. you need look no further than “Saved By The Bell: The New Class” – it’s marvelous!

Dustin Diamond: When I thought.. that I was fone with the role of Screech, I swore I would never do it again – then.. I read the script. I wept openly on the flight to Philadelphia! You don’t come across writing like that every day!

James Lipton: Indeed, you don’t. Of course, we will conclude our.. evening.. with a questionnaire.. invented by the great Bernard Pivot.

Dustin Diamond: Oh, boy! Ha ha ha!

James Lipton: What is your favorite word?

Dustin Diamond: Oh, uh.. [ thinking ] Pancake!

James Lipton: What turns you off?

Dustin Diamond: When.. someone throws garbage or feces at you?

James Lipton: What sound, or noise, do you love?

Dustin Diamond: To be honest.. applause.

[ the audience erupts into forced applause, much to Dustin’s bemused delight ]

James Lipton: I think we all like that. What is your favorite curse word?

Dustin Diamond: Hmm.. “frosted nuts”! [ giggles coquettishly ]

James Lipton: [ laughs uproariously with Dustin ] Nicely done! And, finally.. if Heaven exists.. what would you like to hear God say when you arrive?

Dustin Diamond: “Up here.. you’d be playing the role of Zack!

James Lipton: [ clapping ] Dustin Diamond.. on behalf of The Actor’s Studio, and the student before, I thank you.

Dustin Diamond: Thank you!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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