SNL Transcripts: John Goodman: 05/06/00: The Office Skank

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 25: Episode 18

99r: John Goodman / Neil Young

The Office Skank

Joe…..Chris Parnell
Tim…..Tim Meadows
Chris…..Chris Kattan
John…..John Goodman
Temp…..Rachel Dratch

Adele: Hey Fellas, who’s mixin’ up the testosterone? Cause believe me, I could use a shot, or three!

Joe: [annoyed] Hi Adele. Is that a tube top you’re wearing?

Adele: Good eye. Just a little elastic basket to hold my peaches. Would you like some nectar, Hector?

Joe: You know my name is Joe.

Adele: Mmm, I could use me a cup of joe right now. And by joe, I mean a cup of your man milk. I’m talkin’ about your semen!

Joe: Yeah I got it Adele; man milk could only mean one thing.

Adele: Yeah? Well this boy’s got one thing in his pants that’d Id like to wrap my sweaty little mitts around. I’m talking about putting my hands on you penis.

Tim: Yes, and again there’s no confusion there. Adele, we got it thanks.

Adele: Well speaking of getting it, I’m going to head over to the old icebox and get my oyster platter. [Walks away] What cha’ looking at fellas, it is broke? Well whoever wants to fix it can use his wrench. And by wrench I mean that wrinkly thing you urinate out of or have sex with.

Chris: We know what you’re talking about, all right?! Just keep walking!

[John enters]

John: Hey guys, nice job on that Anderson report. [Sees Adele] Oh my God! Hi Adele, you drop something?

Adele: Huh? Well now that you’re around I’m hoping to drop something. I was talking about my panties. You see I would have to take them off for you see my naked genitalia.

John: Yeah I got it Adele, now please just let me get my lunch, eat it and then toss it up.

Adele: You know what you could toss mine with?

John: What?

Adele: Dem’ meatballs you’re hiding in those kakis. I’m talking about your testicles.

John: Thanks Adele. I’m going to tell you something; you are very bad at innuendo.

Adele: Oh really? Well I want you bad in my end-o. I’m talking you nailing my butt!

John: Duh, OK is that what you meant? I had no idea. You know, sexual harassment goes both ways.

Adele: Oh I go both ways baby! Sure, is this what your talking about? Cause this is what I’m talking about.

Temp: [surprised] I’m just a temp!

Adele: Oh yea we could make our sandwich, with us as the bun and you as the hot dog. And by hot dog, I mean that dirty, man-meat; dangling betwix’d your legs.

John: Yeah. Adele, again there was no question about to what your were referring to. This is what I’ve been trying to tell you, you’re very, very unprofessional.

Adele: Unprofessional? Well maybe I should get professional and make you pay me to rub your boner. And by boner, I mean hard pee-pee.

John: By pee-pee, are you referring to urine or the actual member itself?

Adele: Ha-ha that’s a good question. I’ll have to get back to you on that. If anyone needs me I’ll be in my office. [Starts to leave and stops] Ooo, and by office, I mean that room down the hall with the waterbed and the KY. Why? Oh you’ll see! You’ll see!

[End Scene]

Submitted by: Bree-Marie

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