SNL Transcripts: Britney Spears: 05/13/00: Woodrow



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 25: Episode 19



99s: Britney Spears

Woodrow

Woodrow…..Tracy Morgan
…..Britney Spears
Britney’s Manager…..Chris Parnell
Fan #1…..Chris Kattan
Fan #2…..Will Ferrell
Fan #3…..Molly Shannon
Fan #4…..Jimmy Fallon

[Fans cheering for Britney]

Woodrow: (Pushing through fans to get to Britney) Over here Britney! It’s me Woodrow!

Britney’s Manager: Ok, listen. Stand back. Stand back, everyone. Mrs. Spears is very tired everyone. So I’m sorry there will be no autographs tonight.

[Fans begin calling again]

Woodrow: Look it here everyone, it’s me Woodrow! Woodrow!

[Fans groan at scent of Woodrow]

Fan #1: Aww, he stinks!

Britney’s Manager: Please do not come any closer to Mrs. Spears.

Fan #2: He thinks he’s gonna talk to Britney!

[Fans laugh at Woodrow]

Fan #3: (Pointing at Woodrow) Look everyone he’s craaaazy!

Fan #4: Hey! He doesn’t even have any money to see the show!

(Fans continue to laugh)

Woodrow: HEY! That’s not funny! WHY? WHY? Stop laughing at me! I have feelings too! Stop laughing at me. Woodrow didn’t hurt no one! (Woodrow starts crying)

Britney’s Manager: Ok, Ok. Listen, Listen. Everyone the shows over. Let’s break this up.Ok. We gotta go.

Britney: Wait a minute. They hurt his feelings. I’m so sorry, would you like me to sign your telephone book for you?

Woodrow: Who me?

Britney: Yes you. You old cry baby.

Woodrow: I guess I kinda overreacted.

Britney: Here use this. (Hands Woodrow purple handkerchief)

Woodrow: Thanks. (Wipes eyes) It’s just that I’m.. I’m such a big fan, and when they started laughing at me, I just wanted to run home.

Britney: Where’s home?

Woodrow: About 10 feet from here.

Britney: You live in the alley?

Woodrow: No, down in the manhole. I live in the sewer.

Britney: I tell ya what, since these people are kinda stuffy anyways how about I walk you home.

Woodrow: You mean it? You would do that?

Britney: For you? Come on Woodrow.

(Fans get restless)

Britney’s Manager: Britney! Where are you going? We’ve gotta, We’ve gotta plane to catch!

Britney: I’ll be back, I’m just gonna go down in the sewer.

Britney’s Manager: The sewer?! Britney no! (Woodrow and Britney climb down manhole) What are you doing?

Fan #3: You guys! Britney is heading down into the sewer with a crazy homeless man!

Fan #1: That’s big news!

Fan #3: Britney!

Britney’s Manager: Somebody stop her! Someone call the police!

Fan #4: Let’s all go down in the sewer!(Fans cheer)

Britney’s Manager: No, no, no, no…It’s too dangerous.

(Britney and Woodrow are shown in sewer)

Woodrow: Well, this is it. This is where I live.

Britney: It’s not so bad…I like the mailbox!

Woodrow: Oh I stole that ’cause it had secrets about me.

Britney: You know what? Sometimes I’d like to steal a mailbox.

Woodrow: Oh you’re just sayin’ that.

Britney: I know.

Woodrow: Say Britney, I was wondering…

Britney: What?

Woodrow: Well your always singing for everyone else and I wrote this, this song and I thought…

Britney: Aw that’s so sweet…Yes, please I’d love to hear it.

Woodrow: I got it right here. I mean it’s no “Oops I Did It Again” but…

Britney: Just sing it!

Woodrow: (singing)
Little TV sets, goin’ off inside my ear
Spaceman floating by
Firecracker beer
Chased a demon’s lightning
Music hits your eye
Up and down the sidewalk
Take a Doo Doo Pie
I Love You

Britney: Oh my gosh that was so beautiful.

Woodrow: You mean it?

Britney: I do. It was really nice.

Woodrow: I kinda wrote it at a really crazy time in my life. You really like it?

Britney: I love it.

Woodrow: I love you.

Britney: I love you too.

(As Woodrow and Britney are about to kiss…)

Britney’s Manager (From Above) Britney! Britney Spears. Are you down there in the sewer?

Britney: It’s my manager…

Britney’s Manager: (From Above) We’re coming to get you.

Woodrow: You better go.

Britney: I can’t! I wanna stay with you. Down here in the sewer.

Woodrow: Shhhh. No, the world up there needs you. You go.

Britney: I’ll see you Woodrow…

Woodrow: So long Britney…

(Britney climbs up ladder out of sewer)

Woodrow: (singing)
Chased a demon’s lightning.
Music hits your eye.
Up and down the sidewalk.
Take a Doo Doo Pie.
I Love You.

(fade)

Submitted by: Andrew Gould

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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