Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 25: Episode 19
Britney’s Manager…..Chris Parnell
Fan #1…..Chris Kattan
Fan #2…..Will Ferrell
Fan #3…..Molly Shannon
Fan #4…..Jimmy Fallon
[Fans cheering for Britney]
Woodrow: (Pushing through fans to get to Britney) Over here Britney! It’s me Woodrow!
Britney’s Manager: Ok, listen. Stand back. Stand back, everyone. Mrs. Spears is very tired everyone. So I’m sorry there will be no autographs tonight.
Woodrow: Look it here everyone, it’s me Woodrow! Woodrow![Fans groan at scent of Woodrow]
Fan #1: Aww, he stinks!
Britney’s Manager: Please do not come any closer to Mrs. Spears.
Fan #2: He thinks he’s gonna talk to Britney!
Fan #3: (Pointing at Woodrow) Look everyone he’s craaaazy!
Fan #4: Hey! He doesn’t even have any money to see the show!
(Fans continue to laugh)
Woodrow: HEY! That’s not funny! WHY? WHY? Stop laughing at me! I have feelings too! Stop laughing at me. Woodrow didn’t hurt no one! (Woodrow starts crying)
Britney’s Manager: Ok, Ok. Listen, Listen. Everyone the shows over. Let’s break this up.Ok. We gotta go.
Britney: Wait a minute. They hurt his feelings. I’m so sorry, would you like me to sign your telephone book for you?
Woodrow: Who me?
Britney: Yes you. You old cry baby.
Woodrow: I guess I kinda overreacted.
Britney: Here use this. (Hands Woodrow purple handkerchief)
Woodrow: Thanks. (Wipes eyes) It’s just that I’m.. I’m such a big fan, and when they started laughing at me, I just wanted to run home.
Britney: Where’s home?
Woodrow: About 10 feet from here.
Britney: You live in the alley?
Woodrow: No, down in the manhole. I live in the sewer.
Britney: I tell ya what, since these people are kinda stuffy anyways how about I walk you home.
Woodrow: You mean it? You would do that?
Britney: For you? Come on Woodrow.
(Fans get restless)
Britney’s Manager: Britney! Where are you going? We’ve gotta, We’ve gotta plane to catch!
Britney: I’ll be back, I’m just gonna go down in the sewer.
Britney’s Manager: The sewer?! Britney no! (Woodrow and Britney climb down manhole) What are you doing?
Fan #3: You guys! Britney is heading down into the sewer with a crazy homeless man!
Fan #1: That’s big news!
Fan #3: Britney!
Britney’s Manager: Somebody stop her! Someone call the police!
Fan #4: Let’s all go down in the sewer!(Fans cheer)
Britney’s Manager: No, no, no, no…It’s too dangerous.
(Britney and Woodrow are shown in sewer)
Woodrow: Well, this is it. This is where I live.
Britney: It’s not so bad…I like the mailbox!
Woodrow: Oh I stole that ’cause it had secrets about me.
Britney: You know what? Sometimes I’d like to steal a mailbox.
Woodrow: Oh you’re just sayin’ that.
Britney: I know.
Woodrow: Say Britney, I was wondering…
Woodrow: Well your always singing for everyone else and I wrote this, this song and I thought…
Britney: Aw that’s so sweet…Yes, please I’d love to hear it.
Woodrow: I got it right here. I mean it’s no “Oops I Did It Again” but…
Britney: Just sing it!
Little TV sets, goin’ off inside my ear
Spaceman floating by
Chased a demon’s lightning
Music hits your eye
Up and down the sidewalk
Take a Doo Doo Pie
I Love You
Britney: Oh my gosh that was so beautiful.
Woodrow: You mean it?
Britney: I do. It was really nice.
Woodrow: I kinda wrote it at a really crazy time in my life. You really like it?
Britney: I love it.
Woodrow: I love you.
Britney: I love you too.
(As Woodrow and Britney are about to kiss…)
Britney’s Manager (From Above) Britney! Britney Spears. Are you down there in the sewer?
Britney: It’s my manager…
Britney’s Manager: (From Above) We’re coming to get you.
Woodrow: You better go.
Britney: I can’t! I wanna stay with you. Down here in the sewer.
Woodrow: Shhhh. No, the world up there needs you. You go.
Britney: I’ll see you Woodrow…
Woodrow: So long Britney…
(Britney climbs up ladder out of sewer)
Chased a demon’s lightning.
Music hits your eye.
Up and down the sidewalk.
Take a Doo Doo Pie.
I Love You.
Submitted by: Andrew Gould