Wake Up Little Suzie

Wake Up Little Suzie

Suzie…..Mena Suvari
Carl…..Tracy Morgan
Suzie’s Father…..Will Ferrell
Carl’s Friend…..Jerry Minor


[Save The Last Dance video cover shown]

Announcer: From the makers of ‘Save The Last Dance’…

[b/w footage of a Suzie riding a horse, which fades to black]

Announcer: …comes the story of a girl whose life will never be the same…

[cut to Carl at Suzie’s bedside in a hospital. She appears to be unconscious.]

Carl: You must be Suzie. My name is Carl.

Announcer: It was an unlikely friendship…

[Carl makes a peek-a-boo face at Suzie, who is still unconscious]

Carl: Peek-a-boo! [giggles] You make me laugh, girl!

Announcer: …that blossomed into love.

[cut to Carl lying beside Suzie, as if in a bedroom scene]

Carl: I love you, Suzie. I always will.

Announcer: And a father who didn’t understand…

[cut to Carl in a confrontation with Suzie’s father in her hospital room]

Suzie’s Father: I forbid you to see my daughter.

Carl: I didn’t plan on it, it just happened. This is the 21st century, Mr. Webber! She loves me!!

Suzie’s Father: She doesn’t even know you. She’s in a coma.

Carl: Even if she wasn’t in a coma, you wouldn’t accept me!

Suzie’s Father: Well, we’ll never know. She’s in a coma.

Carl: I think I see what this is. White girl, black guy, I get it.

Suzie’s Father: No, you don’t. Again, she’s in a coma.

Carl: That doesn’t change the fact that I love her!

Suzie’s Father: It should! She’s never met you, ‘cause she’s in a coma!

Carl: You’re really hung up on this coma thing, pops.

[Video cover art is shown, which parodies the ‘Save The Last Dance’ cover]

Announcer: Wake Up Little Suzie. It was a forbidden love. Even his friends didn’t get it.

[cut to Carl in the hospital room with his friend]

Carl’s Friend: Man, you actin’ crazy with that white girl!

Carl: You don’t know her!

Carl’s Friend: You don’t know her either! She in a coma!

[cut to still of Carl and Suzie]

Announcer: The entire town was against them, and the only thing on their side was love.

[cut to hospital room, two officers are at the door]

Suzie’s Father: There he is, officers. Arrest him!

Carl: Wait, wait. She loves me! I’ll prove it to you all! [to Suzie] Suzie, I know that you can hear me. Show them! If you love me, when I let your hand go, just let it fall to the bed.

[Carl lifts Suzie’s hand, and lets it fall limply onto the bed. The officers walk over to Carl and attempt to handcuff him]

Carl: See? She loves me!

Suzie’s Father: Officers, wait! [he approaches Suzie’s father, the officers back away] Unhand my…son! [he gives Carl a quick hug]

Suzie: Daddy…daddy?

Suzie’s Father: My little girl! She’s okay!

Suzie: Edgar?

Carl: Whoa, whoa, whoa, who’s Edgar, bitch?

Suzie’s Father: Edgar…is her horse.

Carl: Oh! [laughs]

Suzie: Dr. Carl?

Carl: You know my name. [leans in closer to her] It’s me, Dr Carl, it’s me, Dr Carl…

Suzie’s Father: It’s nice to have a doctor in the family

Carl: No, I’m an orderly. Dr Carl’s my deejay name.

[Video cover art is shown again]

Announcer: Wake Up Little Suzie. Coming Soon.

[fade]

Thanks to Ann*e Hussey for this transcript!

SNL Transcripts

Julia Stiles’ Monologue

Julia Stiles’ Monologue

…..Julia Stiles
…..Tracy Morgan


Julia Stiles: It is great to be here hosting “Saturday Night Live”. This is actually the 500th original episode of the show.

Tracy Morgan: [ walks onstage ] Hey-ey, Julia! Julia, I saw you in that movie!

Julia Stiles: Oh.. you mean, “Save The Last Dance”?

Tracy Morgan: Yeah! I thought you were wonderful in it.

Julia Stiles: Wow, Tracy, thanks!

Tracy Morgan: And the scene where you kissed that black dude? It was such a tender moment, man, I thought I was gonna cry.

Julia Stiles: That’s real nice.. that’s real nice..

Tracy Morgan: Yeah. So, after the show, I was thinking, if you hungry, we can go over to Twin Donuts, or we can just go over to your place.

Julia Stiles: Aren’t you married?

Tracy Morgan: Yeah. That’s why I said your place. [ looks at audience ] Hey, what are you people staring at! I don’t know what century y’all livin’ in, but a black man gettin’ together wit’ a white lady – this ain’t no show!

Julia Stiles: Tracy, this is a show. That’s the audience. They’re supposed to be staring at you.

Tracy Morgan: [ laughs ] That’s funny! Now, like I was sayin’.. I saw you makin’ out wit’ that black dude, and I just said, “Man, I got to git wit’ you, girl!”

Julia Stiles: Tracy, I was acting. It was a movie.

Tracy Morgan: Whoa, wait a minute! nobody can act that good, Boo! You know what people say: “Once you go black, you don’t never go back!”

Julia Stiles: Come on, Tracy, you’re smarter than that.

Tracy Morgan: No, I’m not! [ singing ] “You got jungle fever! You got jungle fever!”

Julia Stiles: Tracy.. “Jungle Fever”? That’s a horrible stereotype.

Tracy Morgan: I don’t mind that – or the one about us having long dongs.

Julia Stiles: Okay. That’s enough.

Tracy Morgan: [ sullen ] I guess you’re right. I’m sorry, and I hope you can forgive me. And I hope you save the last dance for me! [ to the band ] Hit it, Lenny! [ starts dancing ]

Julia Stiles: Okay, what are you doing?

Tracy Morgan: I’m gettin’ my dance on! I bet that guy Derek King do it like that, right?

Julia Stiles: Stop. This is never gonna work. I am a 19-year-old college student, and you are a 35-year-old man with five kids.

Tracy Morgan: Aaaaannndd?

Julia Stiles: My parents are watching. [ whispers ] I’ll meet you at Twin Donuts after the show..

Tracy Morgan: [ laughs ] I got it! Hit it, Lenny!

[ they dance together ]

Julia Stiles: We have a great show tonight, Aerosmith is here. So stick around, we’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts