SNL Transcripts: Saturday Night Live in the ’80s: Lost and Found: 11/13/05

Saturday Night Live Transcripts

Special: Saturday Night Live in the ’80s: Lost and Found

Dana Carvey: For those of you at home right now, you’re watching a thing called a television. And we’re broadcasting images that you can see!

Billy Crystal: Even though I’d had a successful run on “Soap,” and so on and so forth, I had the chance to do what I really felt I could do, and what I always wanted to do.
Fernando’s Hideaway: 12/08/84

Fernando: You look maah-velous!

Barbara Bach: You look pretty good, yourself.

Fernando: Well, thank you, darling. I’m blushing inside. My temperature is rising, it isn’t surprising. I’ll tell you that, right now. [ looks over at Ringo Starr ] You know what I’m saying to you?

[ Ringo is ready to speak, but Fernando quickly loses interest and returns his focus to Barbara ]

Fernando: Barbara —

[ Ringo remains stunned that he’s not the one being interviewed ]

Joe Piscopo: They still weren’t sure about Eddie Murphy. And we campaigned — a couple of us said, “This is the guy. You need this guy on the show.” And Eddie was so great. They made him a featured player.
Ebony & Ivory: 05/22/82

Stevie Wonder: [ singing ]
“I am dark, and you are light.”

Frank Sinatra: [ singing ]
“You are blind as a bat, and I have sight!
Side by side, you are my amigo,
Negro, let’s not fiiiiiiiight!”

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: I didn’t know how it worked. I didn’t know how to get writers to write for me. I didn’t know you had to get writers to write for you. That took me some time to figure out. Oh, yeah, you need to.. make, sort of, these alliances. [ chuckles ] Like “Survivor.”
The Julia Show: 02/18/84

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: [ standing ] Do you think my hips are getting too wide? I don’t. Nobody does! They’re not.

Jon Lovitz: I really looked up to Phil as my, my, uh — you know, he became my older brother. We became like brothers. We were very, very close.
Johnny O’Connor: 10/18/86

Harry: I think you’re the worst actor I’ve ever seen, and I get five hundred letters a day telling me the same!

Johnny O’Connor: What’s the word on the street?

[ Harry is flabbergasted ]

Martin Short: I grew up in a kind of laughter – fun family. And I thought, “Gee, that would – what a way to spend your life, laughing and looking good.
Ed Grimley: 02/02/85

Conan O’Brien: For a while, at “Saturday Night Live,” you don’t know if you’ve made it. I remembered a few times, Lorne has a joke that he sometimes pulls, I think, on newer talent. Every now and then, I’d pass him in the hallway, and Lorne would say, “Still with the show?”
Next With The Producer: 11/08/86

Lorne Michaels: What are you doing in that outfit?

Rosanna Arquette: [ laughs ] It’s for the “Neck With the Producer” sketch! [ hands him the script ]

Lorne Michaels: The “Neck With the Producer” sketch? [ reads ] Hmm.. you’d better get ready — this isn’t bad! I mean, it’s funny, and it makes an interesting point about the homeless.

Rosanna Arquette: [ quick save ] “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!

Automobile Club: 11/22/86

Kevin Nealon: Did you know that as many as 12 million Americans cannot read a road map? That’s right, 12 million. Now, I’m guilty of it myself. I really am. I’m terrible with a map. Did you ever have somebody show you where to go on a map? Did you? It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? I mean, you know, they’re trying to show you — hold on a second here. All right, okay. [ Laughter ] Okay, all right. You know, they look at your map, and they say, “Okay, here’s where you want to go. All right. Okay, well, it’s not on this map. What you want to do, though, is you want to come off of route 84 over here. You want to cut over to route 23. You’ll see a big hotel over there and some you can’t miss it. Take the map, though, just in case you get lost.” Right? Like you’re gonna get halfway there and ask somebody else for directions. Excuse me, I’m a little lost. I’m right here now.

Goodnights: 05/24/80

Lorne Michaels: It had been my life for five years. And, you know, I’d given it, I think, I everything I had. So, on a certain level, I was relieved to not be doing it anymore. And at the same time, a big piece of my life was missing.

Tom Davis: We were expecting the show to end.
Weekend Update with Chevy Chase: 04/11/81

Al Franken: After five golden years, Lorne decided to leave. And so did those close to him, including me, Al Franken. [ SUPER: “Al Franken” ] So, NBC had to pick a new producer. Now, most knowledgeable people, as you might imagine, hoped it would be me, Al Franken. [ SUPER: “Al Franken” ] But, instead, without consulting the show’s staff or cast, NBC picked Jean Doumanian.

Lorne Michaels V/O: I got a call from Brandon. And he said that they were going to announce the next day that Jean was going to be taking over.

Laurie Zaks: Jean Doumanian was in charge of Talent at the time. She was booking the show.

Joe Piscopo: We just heard that the original cast was leaving, that the great Lorne Michaels was leaving, and that they’re sweeping the comedy clubs for new cast members for “Saturday Night Live.”
Who is Gilbert Gottfried?: 12/13/80

Announcer: Depressed, despondent, tormented and, by now, wandering the streets aimlessly, Gilbert caught wind that “Saturday Night Live” was scouring the land for performers.

Gilbert Gottfried: They had, like hundreds of, uh, videos on different comedians.

Gail Matthius: We auditioned for eight hours.
Virgin Search: 12/20/80

NBC Executive: I’m in power to offer you a contract with “Saturday Night Live.” Are you a fan of the show?

Gail Matthius: Ah sure am!

Gail Matthius: And the vibe in the waiting room – if looks could kill!
Virgin Search: 12/20/80

NBC Executive: There’s just one thing. Uh – you are a virgin, aren’t you?

Gail Matthius: [ excited ] I sure — [ realizes she’s not, tries to cover herself ] I, uh — [ NBC Executive turns away ] Wait!

Denny Dillon: I actually had six auditions. And the last time I auditioned, I said, “If you have me in again, I’m gonna charge a cover.”

Joe Piscopo: I can remember in the audition, I did: [ singing like Frank Sinatra ] “I don’t stand a ghost of a chance.”

Denny Dillon: For me, personally, I felt like my feet couldn’t touch the ground, because I had felt so excited.
James Brown performs “I Feel Good”: 12/13/80

James Brown: [ singing ]
“I feel good
I knew that I would
I feel good
I knew that I would.
So good!
So good!
I got you!”

Joe Piscopo V/O: Gail Matthius did a character that was the pre-cursor to any “Valley Girl” character.
Valley Girls at the Mall: 12/20/80

Vickie: God, I’m bored to the max!

Debbie: You want to go back to Hutton’s and try on the makeup at the counter?

Vickie: No way! I was just in there, and I was trying on some eye shadow, you know, and stuff? And, um, the lady comes up to me and goes, [ mimicking with a high-pitched squeal ] “May I help you?” [ rolls her eyes ] Rude City! I told her to bite the bag, and left.

Tim Kazurinsky: Joe Piscopo, Gilbert Gottfried, Gail Matthius, were very funny. Denny — they had some really terrific people.
What’s It All About?: 11/15/80

Pinky Waxman: Well, you know the one thing I love about Barbara?

Leo Waxman: What?

Pinky Waxman: She never got a nose job. [ to Elliot ] You know, my daughter, Jules? She wants one. I don’t know what to tell her sometimes. Maybe you could talk to her, Elliot.

[ Elliot Gould isn’t sure how to respond, so he takes a sip from his drink instead ]

Leo Waxman: Excuse me. Pinky, sweetheart, the man is a big celebrity —

Pinky Waxman: Very big.

He can’t talk to your daughter about a nose job!

Pinky Waxman: Of course, of course, he can’t!

Joe Piscopo V/O: Charlie Rocket, a very formidable character actor.
The Rocket Report: 11/22/80

Charles Rocket: Hi, Charles Rocket, on Fifth Avenue! We’re gonna meet some people that are total strangers. Let’s find out what they’re like. Will they be rude? Will they be warm? Will they be friendly? Will they be happy to see us? Well, we’re gonna find out in just a minute or two, as we actually go ahead and meet some total strangers.

[ cut to a later portion of the segment, as Charles approaches a Cuban couple on the street ] Tourists, are you?

Cuban Man: [speaks in Cuban, then translates ] It means, “How do you do?”

Charles Rocket: Okay, well, sounds like you’ve had a couple of drinks this afternoon, huh? [ chuckles ]

[ cut to a later portion of the segment, an elderly man listening to Charles Rocket ]

Charles Rocket: You’re on drugs right now, aren’t you? [ the man looks curiously at Charles Rocket ] You’re on drugs right now. You look like a drug taker, a typical — [ the man shakes his head ] You don’t take drugs?

Elderly Man: No.

Charles Rocket: Ever have?

Elderly Man: No. [ amused ]

Charles Rocket: Well, gee.. what gives you that look? That sort of “drug taker’s” look?

Elderly Man: Well, because I’m very happy.

Neil Levy: Eddie called me from the street – I don’t know, from a pay phone. And he just went on and on, and he just started making me laugh. So I figured, “You know what? I’ll have him in.” And he does a four-minute piece. And the talent was just shooting out of him. So, I took him to Jean, and she hired him as a featured player.
Weekend Update with Charles Rocket: 12/06/80

Raheem Abdul Mohammed: All I’m saying is that y’all stay on the hockey courts and the polo fields, and let us stay on the basketball courts. ‘Cause If God would have wanted whites to be equal to blacks, everybody’d have one of these. [ reaches under the desk and pulls up a boombox ]

David Sheffield: Just, “I don’t give a damn. I don’t care if you watch me or not.” You got the sense that nothing would frazzle him. ‘Cause everybody else was trying real hard. Eddie looked like he wasn’t trying at all, and he was doing it.
Elliot & Gail & Charles & Ann & Joe & Gilbert & Denny: 11/15/80

Denny Dillon: Live, from New York, it’s “Saturday Night!”
1980-81 opening montage

Denny Dillon: The first show, I got to say, “Live from New York!” That was a really, really, really thrilling moment. And somebody, a friend of mine, took my picture off the television, and I still have it.

David Sheffield V/O: They must have been terrified, pushed out there in front of millions of people, trying to inherit the mantle of these geniuses who’d gone before them.

Barry Blaustein: It was a different standard. So they didn’t have time to really nurture. And there was a pressure.
Queen performs “Under Pressure”: 09/25/82

Queen: [ singing ]
Pushing down on me
Pressing down on you
No man asked for
Under pressure
That burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on the streets –”

Barry Blaustein V/O: The rumors of Jean’s demise began after the first show.

David Sheffield: It was a very difficult time. Everybody second-guessing everybody. It wasn’t the feel-good disco ’70s anymore. It was the “Fuck You!” ’80s. [ laughs ]
It Just Doesn’t Matter: 03/07/81

Ann Risley: The press hasn’t been overly kind.

Bill Murray: Yeah, I read that stuff: “SaturdayNight Live is Saturday Night Dead.”

Cast: [groans, winces, looks uncomfortable] Oh,come on. Geez.

Bill Murray: “From Yuks to Yecch.” [cast groansand wretches as if in pain] My favorite, though, is”Vile from New York.”

Cast: [groans] Please, Bill.

Bill Murray: [genuinely amused] Come on! It’s funny, it’s funny.

Gilbert Gottfried: When it was announced that “Saturday Night Live” was going to be continuing with a whole new cast, this was an outrage. This would be telling people that, in the middle of Beatlemania, you were going to remove the Beatles and have a whole new group of Beatles.

Joe Piscopo: I don’t think anybody could have followed — I don’t think Chaplin could have followed the original “Saturday Night Live” cast.
Reagan’s Vice President: 01/17/81

Frank Sinatra: [ singing to himself ]
“Start shootin’ the press
Yeah, they’re just in the way.”

David Sheffield V/O: Joe Piscopo was a stand-out, because he was very versatile, and he was unintimidated by live TV.

Tim Kazurinsky: Joe was very hot, very fast.

Gary Kroeger: Piscopo — Joe Piscopo. What a great name!
It Just Doesn’t Matter: 03/07/81

Bill Murray: Are you gonna definitely stick with “Joe Piscopo” as your name?

Joe Piscopo: Well, I was born with it, Bill. You know, it’s my name.

Bill Murray: Wow. [ considers this fact ] Well, whatever.

Gary Kroeger: And he was a real working man’s comedian.
Three Stooges Self-Defense Class: 05/12/84

Curly: Hey, whaddya think of this, sista? [ slaps himself in the face and on the head a few times ] Ahh!

[ Curly then bounces his expansive stomach into the karate instructor’s stomach – “boing” sound effect. As he does, the impact causes the loose-fitting pants to slide down Joe Piscopo’s legs. Everyone in the sketch begins to laugh, as Piscopo struggles to pull his pants back up and Tim Kazurinsky ad-libs as Moe getting angry with Curly, swinging the iron menacingly. Naturally, Piscopo’s pants again fall to the floor. ]

David Sheffield V/O: We got no adult supervision. We got no instruction in how the show was run.

Gilbert Gottfried: She always struck me as the type of woman who would watch a Marx Brothers’ movie and go, “Well, I – I liked Margaret Dumont, but who are those weird gentlemen running around?”

Bob Tischler: She was put in, I think, an untenable position. Just to follow Lorne, to follow that first five years. It was such a strong cast, and such a strong writing staff. It was a very hard act to follow.
Cowboy Junkies perform “Sweet Jane”: 02/18/89

Cowboy Junkies: [ singing ]
“Anyone who’s ever had a heart
Wouldn’t turn around and break it
And anyone who’s ever played a part
Wouldn’t turn around and hate it
Sweet Jane
Sweet Jane
Oh, Sweet, Sweet Jane –”

Neil Levy V/O: It was so unhip. I mean, it came from being the hippest show in the world to just being the most unhip show.

Margaret Oberman: They were certainly not getting the caliber of, like, movie star hosts that they’d had. And that’s how you could sort of tell, you know, what the real estate value was.

Neil Levy: I heard that Madeline Kahn was doing “The Today Show.” And I went down, and she saw me, she remembered me, from the original show. She said, “Neil, how are you?” I said, “I’m great.” Kiss, kiss. “How’s it going? What are you up to?” I said, “Well, actually, I’m working on ‘Saturday Night Li–‘” [ laughs ] She literally was on her way – she was walking away. She knew exactly why I was there – she was gone.

Gilbert Gottfried: We did suck! Let’s – let’s not be — I can’t blame it all on – on the press. The show sucked!
King Kong Syndrome: 02/14/81

Police Officer: You all right, Miss?

Fay: Yeah, I’m all right. But your bullets have killed my date!

Neil Levy: Oh! You know, you’re-you’re-you’re reminding me — I’m starting — you know, my esophagus is going into spasm. It was — it was just — it got worse and worse. When Charlie Rocket said — you know, cursed, on the air.
Goodnights: 02/21/81

Charles Rocket: Oh man, that’s the first time I’ve been shot in my life. I’d like to know who the fuck did it.

[ most of the cast reacts with excited shock ]

Charlene Tilton: Okay! [ lets out an excited scream ]

Neil Levy: Jane Crowley, the censor, she said, “He said “Fuck!” Her face turned red, and that beehive — the little powder pigeon. I thought she was gonna leap over the console, and, like, pull the cables out with her teeth! And, uh, that’s when we started feeling like our days are numbered.

Gilbert Gottfried: It became a good excuse. Once again, people forget the fact that the “F” word slipped through on the original cast of the show. But because that show was doing better – you know, the hearing isn’t as good.
Fine Young Cannibals perform “She Drives Me Crazy”: 03/13/89

Fine Young Cannibals: [ singing ]
“She drives me crazy, ooh ooh
Like no one else, ooh ooh
She drives me crazy, and I can’t help myself, ooh ooh –“
Weekend Update with Chevy Chase: 04/11/81

Al Franken: Now, I don’t want to be cruel, to Jean — because it might make you think less of me, Al Franken. [ SUPER: “Al Franken” ] Anyway, it took NBC twelve shows to figure out their horrendous mistake. And a month ago, they fired Jean.

Gilbert Gottfried: I kind of feel like, that season of “Saturday Night Live,” you could have gotten anybody off the street. You needed a sacrificial lamb. This would appease the gods and make it okay.

Tom Davis: That’s showbiz, you know. It’s not a good time unless somebody gets hurt.
Next: New Producer Cleans House

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Saturday Night Live in the ’80s: Lost and Found: 11/13/05

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Special: Saturday Night Live in the ’80s: Lost and Found

Saturday Night Live in the ’80s: Lost and Found

…..Dick Ebersol
…..Bob Tischler
…..Julia Louis-Dreyfus
…..Tim Kazurinsky
…..Gary Kroeger
…..Robin Duke
…..Andrew Smith
…..Margaret Oberman
…..Andy Breckman
…..Joe Piscopo
…..Jim Belushi

[ cut to Dick Ebersol ]

Dick Ebersol: Bob Tischler and I went to Chicago later that year.

[ cut to Bob Tischler ]

Bob Tischler: “Second City” was tired of having their cast taken away. So they suggested that we go around the corner to another theater.

Tim Kazurinsky V/O: The Practical Theater Company.

Bob Tischler V/O: Dick just hired the whole group.

[ cut to Julia Louis-Dreyfus ]

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: It was mind-blowing. Because I was a Junior in college.

[ cut to Tim Kazurinsky ]

Tim Kazurinsky: You know, they came in all shiny and clean and spanking new, and thinking that it’s going to be like Communism. And it’s not. It’s not even Socialism. It’s — it’s Capitalism.

[ cut to Gary Kroeger ]

Gary Kroeger: I don’t think I had hair under my arms, honestly. I was so immature.

[ cut to cast and Louis Gossett, Jr. in “Louis Gossett, Jr.’s Monologue”, 10/02/82 ]

Louis Gossett, Jr.: Dreyfus!

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: Sir!

Louis Gossett, Jr.: Duke!

Robin Duke: Sir!

Louis Gossett, Jr.: Kroeger!

Gary Kroeger: Sir!

Louis Gossett, Jr.: Pratfall!

Gary Kroeger: Sir!

[ Kroeger drops flat to the floor, then jumps back on his feet ]

Louis Gossett, Jr.: Hall!

Brad Hall: Sir!

Louis Gossett, Jr.: Set up!

Brad Hall: Doctor, doctor! My wife just swallowed a whole bottle of aspirin! What’ll I do, Sir?

Louis Gossett, Jr.: Kroeger!

Gary Kroeger: [ nervous, sweating ] Uh — she threw up, Sir?

Louis Gossett, Jr.: No! Gross!

Mary Gross: Sir!

Louis Gossett, Jr.: Punchline!

Mary Gross: Wake her up and give her a headache, Sir!

Gary Kroeger: [ chuckles audibly, to Gossett, Jr.’s chagrin ] That’s very funny, Sir.

[ cut to Julia Louis-Dreyfus ]

Julia Louis Dreyfus: I’ll tell you how we got introduced. Badly.

[ cut to Robin Duke ]

Robin Duke: Oh, those poor kids.

[ cut to Andrew Smith ]

Andrew Smith: Dick says, “I found the answer to our troubles and here they are, these college kids.” And he made them perform for all the staff their first day in town.

[ cut to Robin Duke ]

Robin Duke: It was kinda like — I always referred to it as “The Monkey Hour.”

[ cut to Julia Louis-Dreyfus ]

Julia Louis Dreyfus: There was a lot of this, you know.

[ cut to Gary Kroeger ]

Gary Kroeger: It was us against everybody.

[ cut to Gary Kroeger and Brad Hall in “Larry’s Corner”, 11/19/83 ]

Larry Rowlands: Good evening, I’m Larry Rowlands. And welcome to “Larry’s Corner.” Tonight, I’m very pleased to have as my guest, Mr. Dale Butterworth, the luckiest man on Earth. Now, tell me Mr. Butterworth —

Offscreen Voice: Look out!

Larry Rowlands: [ looking around ] What?

Dale Butterworth: [ looks up to the ceiling, panics ] Oh, my God!!

[ suddenly, a safe lands on Dale Butterworth’s head and knocks him to the floor, as Larry surveys the scene with a confused look on his face ]

Margaret Oberman V/O: It’s kind of like at school when the new kids come in. You’re not sure if you like ’em, or you don’t like ’em.

Julia Louis Dreyfus V/O: And by the way, people had been fired, I believe, from the show prior to our coming.

[ cut to Secretary (Christine Ebersole) and aide (Brian Doyle-Murray) leaning toward an unseen President Reagan’s (Joe Piscopo) desk sometime during the 1981 season ]

Secretary: Oh, not again!

President Ronald Reagan: I’m sorry.

Sercretary: Forget it.

[ cut to Julia Louis-Dreyfus ]

Julia Louis Dreyfus: So, we were met with some, I should say, animosity.

[ cut to Julia Louis-Dreyfus approaching Mary Gross in the dressing room in “Cat Fight”, 05/05/84 ]

Julia Louis Dreyfus: So, Mary — I see you’ve been sucking up to the host again, huh?

Mary Gross: [ looking away from Julia ] What’s that terrible smell? It’s like rotting meat. Somebody must have left an old baloney sandwich in a locker. [ looks up, pretends to notice Julia for the first time since she’s walked in ] Oh, hello, Julia. [ Julia makes a face ]

[ cut to Julia Louis-Dreyfus ]

Julia Louis Dreyfus: The work that we were doing with practical theater, it was very ensemble. And it was “all for one,” kind of thing. And that really doesn’t apply. That idea didn’t apply at “SNL.”

[ cut to Gary Kroeger ]

Gary Kroeger: You know, for me to get in the show, I’d have to write my own stuff. Or I’d have to sit on a writer’s couch until I was so annoying that the only way to get me out was to write something for me.

[ cut to Gary Kroeger entering dressing room and sitting by Brad Hall and Julia Louis-Dreyfus in “How To Prove It’s Live”, 02/05/83 ]

Gary Kroeger: You mean, they cut the “Frontier Gynecologist” sketch? Great.

[ cut to Julia Louis-Dreyfus ]

Julia Louis Dreyfus: I didn’t know how to get writers to write for me. I didn’t know you had to get writers to write for you. That took me some time to figure out.

[ cut to opening of “The Julia Show”, 02/18/84 ]

Announcer: And now, it’s time for “The Julia Show,” with your host, Julia!

Julia Louis Dreyfus: Hi! Thank you! I’m Julia, and welcome to my show, “The Julia Show.” Okay, so, let’s talk about me. Eddie? Why don’t you start?

[ cut to Julia Louis Dreyfus ]

Julia Louis Dreyfus: The way to get ahead on that show was to just really think about yourself only, and to only look out for number one. Like “Survivor.”

[ cut back to “The Julia Show”, 02/18/84 ]

Julia Louis Dreyfus: [ stands ] Do you think my hips are getting wide? I don’t. Nobody does! They’re not.

[ cut to Tim Kazurinsky ]

Tim Kazurinsky: There’s no telling, there’s no rhyme or reason why it works with some people. Julia Louis-Dreyfus, people go “Elaine was on the show?”

[ cut to “Saturday Night News with Brad Hall”, 11/19/83 ]

Brad Hall: And now, here with an editorial comment, is correspondent Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Julia?

Julia Louis Dreyfus: Thanks, Brad. Boy, am I mad at the way things are run around here. In dress rehearsal, this speech was four and a half minutes long. Back to you, Brad.

Brad Hall: Thank you, Julia.

[ cut to Margaret Oberman ]

Margaret Oberman: It’s the same for writers. There were writers on that show who were failures and then went on to be phenomenal successes in other areas.

[ cut to Andy Breckman ]

Andy Breckman: It’s so funny, the guy that only got one piece on, that year, at “Saturday Night Live” had became the gold standard for comedy writing.

[ cut to Julia Louis Dreyfus ]

Julia Louis Dreyfus: I just love to think of Larry there. Larry was so unhappy. And that’s why I liked him, because we were kind of both unbelievably pissed-off together. You know, little did I know.

[ cut to Johnny Cash’s performance of “Folsom Prison Blues”, 04/17/82 ]

Johnny Cash: [ singing ]
“I hear the train a-comin’, it’s rollin’ around the bend
And I ain’t seen the sunshine since I don’t know when
I’m stuck in Folsom Prison and time keeps dragging on
But that train keeps a-rollin’ on down to San Antone.”

[ cut to Margaret Oberman ]

Margaret Oberman: He doesn’t get enough credit. He hired some really good people. And he sort of allowed you to be whoever you were. There were a lot of eccentrics there. How many staffs have somebody like Joe Piscopo working with Terry Southern? You know what I mean? What a combination.

[ cut to Tim Kazurinsky ]

Tim Kazurinsky: Terry Southern ran the most wonderful wet bar out of his office, usually had incredible cocaine. But the sketches that he wrote were [ rolls his fingers next to his head ] “Woo-woo!”

[ cut to Margaret Oberman ]

Margaret Oberman: Over and over again, he’d pitched some sort of a commercial thing that he wanted to do: Lillian Hellman’s mayonnaise. That was his idea of, like, “That’s going to work.”

[ cut to Joe Piscopo ]

Joe Piscopo: I don’t know, but it was important to have those guys around. It was smart to have those guys around. Because, for a rookie like myself, coming up, it was great to have a guy like Terry Southern around. To have Herb Sargent around. Not to mention — you see Danny Aykroyd. Then John Belushi started hanging around. Then it was like, “Ooh. Maybe we’re doing something here.”

[ cut to Jim Belushi ]

Jim Belushi: I mean, we all wanted to be like John and Danny and Gilda and Billy. All of us. It just so happened, one of them was my brother.

[ cut to Tim Kazurinsky ]

Tim Kazurinsky: For any of us to go into “Saturday Night Live,” following those first five years — but to go into “Saturday Night Live,” with the name “Belushi,” and having to follow John? Excuse me.

[ cut to Jim Belushi as Donald Ramp in “Profiles in Sports” film, 11/10/84 ]

Announcer: For over half a century, dozens of world grand masters have come out of America’s high school chess clubs. Most of the credit for that belongs to the unsung hero of chess – the high school chess coach.

[ show Chess Coach Donald Ramp yelling at his players during a match ]

Donald Ramp: Pawn to Rook 4! Pawn to Rook 4! Nooooooo!!

[ cut to Jim Belushi ]

Jim Belushi: Some people resent that I wasn’t as good as John. You know? Seriously. And, my answer to that is, who is?

[ cut to James Taylor’s performance of “Lonesome Road”, 01/23/88 ]

James Taylor: [ singing ]
“If I had stopped to listen once or twice
If I had closed my mouth and opened my eyes
If I had cooled my head and warmed my heart
I’d not be on this road tonight.”

[ cut to Joe Piscopo ]

Joe Piscopo: When Eddie left, I really didn’t wanna be around anymore.

[ cut to Tim Kazurinsky ]

Tim Kazurinsky: With Eddie going, that was it. I mean, I think they just had to put the show up on blocks, and re-invent it. So, some heads had to roll.

[ cut to Dick Ebersol ]

Dick Ebersol: So I said to Brandon Tartikoff, as the season wound down in May of ’84, that I would really like to blow up the show.

[ cut to Billy Crystal assuming hosting duties for the monologue of the tenth season premiere, 10/06/84 ]

Billy Crystal: I want to welcome you to the tenth season of “Saturday Night Live.”

[ cut to Jim Belushi ]

Jim Belushi: Ebersol basically pulled a Steinbrenner. He went out and bought the best comic talent out there.

[ commercial break ]

Back | Next: Billy Crystal, Martin Short and the SNL All-Star Year

SNL Transcripts