SNL Transcripts: Shia LaBeouf: 05/10/08: MacGruber II

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 33: Episode 11

07k: Shia LaBeouf / My Morning Jacket

MacGruber II

MacGruber…..Will Forte
Vicky…..Kristen Wiig
Merrill…..Shia LaBeouf

[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of pontoon planes, hands tinkering with materials, and exploding buildings.]

He sent Merrill to a camp, where they turned him back to normal!
Merrill harbors no bad feelings, ’cause he knows he did a bad thing!
He’s batting for the right team now!

[CUT to Merrill staring at a long-haired dude’s ass, as MacGruber steps forwrd and they pose against footage of flames.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[CUT to a rebel training camp tower. SUPERIMPOSE caption, “Rebel Training Camp.” CUT to a sign marked “Rebel Training Camp Control Room” as sirens wail.]

Vicky: [struggling with locked door] The door won’t budge, MacGruber! And, by the looks of this chemical bomb, we’ve got exactly TWENTY seconds!

MacGruber: Okay, calm down! If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last two months, it’s that you can do — [ glances at Merrill ] or undoanything, if you set your mind to it!

Merrill: [ muttering to himself ] Freakin’ dick..

MacGruber: [ defensive ] What’s that, Merrill?

Vicky: [ looking at her watch ] FIFTEEN seconds!

MacGruber: Okay! Vicky! [ pointing ] Hand me that thumbtack!

Vicky: You got it, Macgruber!

MacGruber: Merrill! Leviticus 18:22!

Merrill: “Thou shal not lie with mankind, as with womankind.”

MacGruber: Vicky! Hand me that shoelace!

Vicky: On the way, MacGruber!

MacGruber: Merrill! What’s your favorite thing about a woman?

Merrill: [ half-heartedly ] The vagina, MacGruber…

MacGruber: Don’t forget the breasts. Vicky! Hand me that copper filament!

Merrill: [sighs] Screw this.

MacGruber: Look, where do you think you’re going?

Merrill: Well, you’re not letting me do anything anyways, MacGruber.

MacGruber: [grabbing at Merrill’s bag] Hold on there, mister!

[ Merrill’s bag falls to the floor, as something begins to rattle along the floor ]

[ Vicky turns away at the sight, as Merrill whistles nonchalantly ]

[ MacGruber watches as a pixellated dildo rotating counter-clockwise around the floor ]

[ MacGruber holds a look of shock on his face ]

[CUT to the training camp exploding and spewing smoke everywhere.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[FADE to black over applause.]

SNL Transcripts

Saturday Night Live: 2007-2008

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 33: 2007-2008


  • Fred Armisen
  • Will Forte
  • Bill Hader
  • Darrell Hammond
  • Seth Meyers
  • Amy Poehler
  • Maya Rudolph
  • Andy Samberg
  • Jason Sudeikis
  • Kenan Thompson
  • Kristen Wiig

  • Casey Wilson (from 07e)
  • Writers:

  • Doug Abeles
  • James Anderson
  • Alex Baze
  • Jim Downey
  • Charlie Grandy
  • Steve Higgins
  • Colin Jost
  • Erik Kenward
  • Rob Klein
  • John Lutz
  • Seth Meyers
  • Lorne Michaels
  • Paula Pell
  • Simon Rich
  • Marika Sawyer
  • Akiva Schaffer
  • Robert Smigel
  • John Solomon
  • Emily Spivey
  • Andrew Steele
  • Kent Sublette
  • Jorma Taccone
  • Bryan Tucker
  • Episodes

  • 09/29/07: LeBron James / Kanye West
  • 10/06/07: Seth Rogen / Spoon
  • 10/13/07: Jon Bon Jovi / Foo Fighters
  • 11/03/07: Brian Williams / Feist
  • 02/23/08: Tina Fey / Carrie Underwood
  • 03/01/08: Ellen Page / Wilco
  • 03/08/08: Amy Adams / Vampire Weekend
  • 03/15/08: Jonah Hill / Mariah Carey
  • 04/05/08: Christopher Walken / Panic at the Disco
  • 04/12/08: Ashton Kutcher / Gnarls Barkley
  • 05/10/08: Shia LeBeouf / My Morning Jacket
  • 05/17/08: Steve Carell / Usher
  • Summary“Saturday Night Live” returned for its thirty-third season on September 29th, 2007 with no changes in store. Even Maya Rudolph, whom many had suspected was leaving when last season’s finale practically served as her swan song, returned with the rest of the now-static cast.

    The catalyst for change, however, would lie in the Writer’s Guild of America strike, which promptly put the season on hold after only four episodes. Although writer’s strikes had either interrupted seasons or brought them to an early end in the past, this was the first to inflict itself so early into the season, leaving many to wonder if this would be “SNL”‘s shortest season ever. After roughly fourteen weeks, the Writer’s Guild strike was resolved and “SNL” finally returned to air on February 23rd, 2008, with former head writer-turned-actress Tina Fey on-deck to host.

    For the first time in thirty-two years, the cast would perform four live shows in a row, a routine that had exhausted the original cast when they did so twice in the first season. Noticably absent from the first post-strike episode was Rudolph, who had decided not to renew her contract in the interim. Taking her place as a featured performer is Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre veteran, Casey Wilson.

    SNL Transcripts